If They Could Both Just Take A Deep Breath...

I'm home from college and my parents are already fighting. I guess it started with an ice cream bowl my dad left on the bed. Mom didn't like that so she got upset and dad took it personally and it just escalated and escalated... I've heard pounding on a table, HARD, screaming, crying, the whole nine yards. I guess this is kinda what they do, I mean fuck, they've been married for almost 30 years, but it's just strange coming into this vibe. We had a nice family dinner with my brother and his girlfriend, and now this. Yecch.

If they could both just take a deep breath they'd see how petty the whole thing really is. I hear snippets of my dad telling my mom about how she gets upset over little shit and they're still just roping shit in that doesn't need to be there. Maybe I should just trust 'em to get over it and try not to worry about it.

Anyway, as a son recently moved out leaving an empty nest, is there anything I could offer to them from this perspective that might be helpful? I've had to deal with a lot of roommate troubles recently and while I definitely still don't have the perspective to judge what's going on, I feel like I have to say something.

 

Wow Im sorry they are fighting buddy....... I hope they calm down soon!! (My parents argue alot also - ITS HARD TO GET SUCKED IN THE MIDDLE!!)


Good luck!

 

When your parents fight, it's kinda like one of mankind's own destructive forces... all you can hope to do is move things out of the way to avoid collateral damage, including yourself. Similar to running away from a screaming toddler in a store. Except, not really, because there's two of them and they're older than you.

There's nothing you can really do. Besides, you're probably a source of additional emotional unrest... it's probably a big thing for them for their child to be leaving the house. Just stick it out and be patient

 

Thanks, Sorry for the late reply, but yeah, plus it's a lot of stress for not just me but my BROTHER to have been back for a while and me just coming back, lotta extra stress on her. All good now obviously.

 

record them and play it back

 

Its not about the petty shit.

Its cos she never puts out cos he's never fucked her properly

 

LOL i dont really wanna think about that with my own parents... but maybe you've got something.

 

Fighting in a good sense is Good, but not all the time. Fighting on the other hand bring closeness at the end, but as you mom and dad are fighting over little things, its very hard to pull up things. But even though, they are in love for 30 years now. be Happy Girl.

 

Maybe the fighting gives them some innate pleasure. You know --some folks habitually repeat behavior that feels comfortable to them, even though others may feel uncomfortable around it. It becomes a routine. I like Rollingalongs suggestion.

 

I've witnessed quite a few couples get into fights right in front of me, to the point that I don't remember the last time it bothered me. I don't think it ever did. It doesn't bother me because I think a couple fighting isn't a big deal. It doesn't mean they dislike, hate each other. It doesn't mean that they will break up. It does't mean either party is good or bad. It doesn't mean either party is unhappy, unfulfilled. Basically, it doesn't mean anything.

Maybe I've been exposed to so much fighting that I've grown desensitized to it, but I still stand by my statement that it's not a big deal. Also, when I witness a couple fighting, I automatically think of them making up afterwards.

If anything, I might let them vent without saying anything, when I get them alone. I have been told from time to time that I should be a couple counselor, so occasionally i offer advice, but mostly sitting on the floor while someone paces around, venting and ranting about someone, something is the best thing anyone can do. However, you know this situation best because you're actually living it, so I'm sure whatever advice you offer would be helpful.

On another note, remove the children, if there are children present during a couple fighting. That's what I always do.

 

Well that's a catch 22 if I ever heard one...