If only the wife participates, can an open marriage succeed long term?

one time i asked my wife what do you think about having a threesome oh great now you wan't to have sex with one of my friend's.

I was thinking you and i and one of my friend's oh really who?

 

Now that's funny

 

Well, for those of you that care, I had my husband read this thread tonite like I said I would, and then we had a heart-to-heart talk about all that's happened in our marriage since we started on this journey. Basically my husband says he's never seen me happier than I have been these last few months, nor more relaxed and cheerful. What on earth, he asked, made me think that didn't make him happy, too? He loves seeing me this way and he loves the excitement I bring to him. It's infectuous he said.

Yes, he knew how much I like this other man and how much I like being with him, but he's
fine with that because he knows I am not the slutty type. He did scold me a little about the couple of times the other man and I failed to use protection but he was understandable about that, too.

Bottom line, he wants me to continue being with the other man for as long as I continue to be happy with him. Relax and enjoy him, he said, extramarital sex can be fun and fulfilling and I should have it without shame or guilt! Just don't overdo it - every 3, 4, or 5 weeks like I have been is just fine.

Puzzling, though, is the question he asked me - didn't I know that it really was something like 3-way sex even if he (my husband) isn't physically there at the same time I'm having the other man? When I asked him to explain he just laughed and said I should know what that means, after all I'm almost 27 years old. Ask your internet friends, he said.

So, people, what does he mean? lol

 

My guess would be that he's enjoying it without needing to be there. If that was any clearer than what he said =P

 

I agree, your husband is getting his thrill vicariously through you, just knowing what you are doing, and everybody seems to be happy with it.

 

hmmm, maybe you guys have a point. On some other threads i see some guys saying they are sexually stimulated by their girl friend's/fiance's/wive's sexcapades. Being a woman, I don't really understand it, but it does certainly seem like my husband's libido is kicked up a couple of notches for a week or two after I've been with the other man; especially the first couple of days.

Also, adding to my last post after our heart-to-heart, my husband said that I will know when it's time to break off my relationship with the other man, but as for him (my husband), so long as I'm enjoying the sex and so long as it remains good and intense for me, he's happy, too. This lends a bit of credence to your suppositions.

But if this is the case, why would he not want to watch? Mind you I'm glad he doesn't, and I probably couldn't do it if he was watching.

Thanks!

 

Your husbands fantasy is Imagining in his mind what you are doing, if he actually were to see you doing it, there is nothing left to the imagination, different kind of fantasy.In other words, your husband is acting out the scenario in his mind the way he wants to see it, if he actually watched you and your lover it may not match his imagination fantasy. Some times fantasy is better than reality.

 

How come you couldn't do it if he watches?

 

I'm not an exhibitionist, nothing turns me on to it. I'm just not into recreational sex. To me sex is an extremely intimate act by two people - I would be very intimidated and probably unable to perform if my husband (or any third party) was in the room. It would be no different if the other man wanted to watch my husband and me.

 

First, his sex life is better after you have your time out with your BF. Second he gets to fantisize about what your doing. So he benefits from it without being present.

As for why he doesn't watch, maybe it's because of you. You've made it clear you wouldn't like him to be there and he is bowing to your wishes because he wants to please you more than he want to be pleased. He might like to be there to watch or join in, but he puts you above himself.

A good half way point might be for you to video your meeting with your BF and let hubby watch it without you being there. That way you get your alone time with the BF and hubby gets to see the action.

In the end though, it is what ever makes your BOTH happy.

 

Wow Amyoxl they really took it to you on here, but you remained calm and answered well. You sound like a very sincere preson and a great wife. Not everyone is against you on here.

My wife and I were in a similar situation as you are now. And it was great fun.

As long as you two are honest with each other and you both get something from this situation then I see nothing wrong. I see what you are saying. You couldn't have sex with someone unless you feel something for them, and as you become more intimate and let yourself enjoy it more fully, the closer your going to feel. That sounds pretty normal to me.

This arrangement hasn't changed what or how you feel about your hubby or your marriage. It probable has made you and your hubby closer than before you started this. Intimacy is a compicated thing in people lives, whether it's between a parent and a child or a husband and a wife or between lovers.

I do believe that the sex is the driving force in your relationship, not the emotional attachment. Why? Because if you took away the sex between you and your BF your relationship with him would soon fade. The emotional part is only there to full fill the sex.

If for some reason the sex ended between your hubby and you your relationship would continue. Why? Because your sex isn't necessary for your emotional relationship. Don't get me wrong it would hurt but it wouldn't change how you feel about your hubby.

 

Well thanks for the compliments, Bob. You may be right in some of your observations, but certainly right in others. Which is which I'll leave to your surmize.

 

Maybe therein lies the ........... not having been with anyone else would certainly make me curious for the experience.

I'm in a sorta similar situation - pleasure I should say.

I'm 59 and married 18 years; both my wife and I had many sexual experiences/relationships before we married. I had probably 70/30 mf/mm, some of the latter she knew about.

We have opened up our marriage (with 100% openess and with rules) and taken in another bi-man who we meet with maybe once a week - at least if we can. For me - I like him and have some empathy but it is simply sex and satisfying a need but not doing it in an underhand way or cheating; for her - she likes him and is aroused by him, but also deeply aroused seeing the two of us together and sharing all the sex acts.

She is more emotionally involved with him though than me, and often thinks and worries about him when we are not together. I think this is not unusual for a woman, in that they find it harder to separate sex from emotion. How many girls can jump into the sack with someone on fairly short acquaintenance fi they can convince themselves that they love him?

I always thought I would be jealous to see my wife with another guy but in practice it turns me on - but that is being present, taking part, even putting his cock in my wife's pussy. I don't think I would feel quite the same being at home and knowing she is having sex with someone else.

But that said, there are as many types of realtionships as there are marriages and what works for some will not work for others. The important thing is the couples definition of what is 'the primary relarionship.'

Good luck to you but you must have this discussion you are having here with your husband - if he is the primary relationship then I feel for it to work you must be 100% open with him.

Simon

 

For those of you who care, I am no longer seeing my boyfriend. My husband and I want to start a family and i want to be a more traditional wife when I have children.

Nope! Not pregnant yet but we're working on it.

 

Aww. Gotta say I like that ending. I'm an old fashioned girl at heart. At least you tested the water and figured out what you prefer.

Good luck with starting a family.

 

Congrats Amyoxl ! I wish you well and will miss your common sense comments.

 

Yeah, kinda! What makes it hard is that I still see him every week when he comes by the office on business.

 

I really don't think so especially when u start to get old and ur spouse is with younger more satisfying partners

 

The sex was special, for sure, but I truly liked him in a special way - still do.

Thanks for the thought

 

yes, I fell for him pretty hard. My husband and my boyfriend each fill(ed) a need in me that the other could not.

To try to explain, I think woman (and perhaps some men, too) like a balance of some good, romantic lovemaking and some good raunchy fucking. With my husband, its mostly fucking. Oh, he likes lovemaking occasionally but fucking is where he is at most of the time. My leaning is on the side of tender, romantic lovemaking. I guess I'm an incurable romantic, and that's the part of me that my boyfriend satisfies.

That's not to say I don't like a good hard fuck, because I certainly do. I love the delicious wickedness of extramarital sex, for instance, and interracial sex as well. So, even though I like the romantic, I also like forbidden stuff. You might say my boyfriend can't lose - he is romantic but he embodies all the wickedness that I like. Yet it's my husband who enables it through his encouragement and support.

I'll leave it to you to decide if I'll ever go back to my boyfriend, but what I want right now is a family.