i wrote this a while ago for english class

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by DefyxGravity13, May 17, 2007.

  1. DefyxGravity13

    DefyxGravity13 Member

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    In silence she cries
    But she won't let them see
    Hurt and alone
    She wants to be free
    Free of the loneliness
    Free of the pain
    Because the other kids don’t like her
    They say she's too plain.

    Inside she is hurting
    She's falling apart
    Praying for a knight
    To come steal her heart.

    At lunch and in class
    She sits all alone
    She looks all around her
    While the teacher just drones.

    But she won't let on
    Just how bad she feels
    Sometimes she acts happy
    And pretends that its real.

    Although she's unhappy
    The world smiles on
    So she goes on pretending
    She's someone she's not.

    She holds back her sadness
    But when the tears start to well
    She runs to the bathroom
    So no one can tell.

    When she finally gets home
    It's like entering hell
    Her parents are fighting
    They scream and they yell.

    She turns up her music
    And climbs into bed
    The music’s a cloud
    Surrounding her head.

    Her blanket’s her shelter
    Her one place to hide
    She feels a bit better
    When she climes inside.

    When she drifts off to sleep
    She finally dreams
    Here in her mind
    She can finally be free.

    Free of the rain cloud over her head
    Free of the nasty words her father had said

    Here in her mind
    She can finally be free
    Free of the hurt
    Free of the pain
    Free of the sadness
    That hits her like rain.
  2. Charlotte84

    Charlotte84 Member

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    I love this poem
    I can identify with this because a couple of years ago it was me!
    I never could quite capture it like that though
    So much meaning
    I love it
  3. DefyxGravity13

    DefyxGravity13 Member

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    I don't understand. clarify. what do you hate about it?
  4. Malapascua

    Malapascua Member

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    I disagree with the critic.

    I think it's a great piece of work.

    You just described millions of kids going through hell in school and millions more living in hell at home. This is something that so many people can relate to.
  5. kidder

    kidder Member

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    Granted, rhyme can be the first refuge of the idler but this one's not bad. Remember too that rhyme, used well, is one of poetry's most potent tools.
  6. Miss_Beatle

    Miss_Beatle Beatlemaniac

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    This poem is beautiful.
    Good job. :)
  7. Kether

    Kether Member

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    Hate to play the Devil's Advocate here...but if there is millions of these kids, I'd say a large percentage of them write poetry. Almost everyone I know(myself being a teen) writes poetry, and I think that, as a general rule, teenagers cannot write good poetry(and that includes me, but still I try). Oh, yes, you'll get a lot of good teen poets, but they're only good when compared to other teens, they're not good poet poets. And, yes, you'll get the odd prodigy, but they'll be writing poetry probably till the day they die, and they're the exception to the rule, nothing more. For many teens it's simply a phase(will probably include me), and will fade away come adulthood.

    I did like the poem though, but I do think it could have been taken from any of my friends poetry journals(or hell, my own), because of the rhyme scheme as the pig fella said it(Bufford T Justice), and also the subject. Every teen I know writes about feeling alone, and different, and left out by all the other teens. Millions feel this(as Malapascua said), and I get how poetry can be universal, but it always seems like the poets have a "Why me?" complex(not an actual complex people), screaming "I'm so alone...no-one can understand my pain" as if they're the only one, when, hell, even the most seemingly well-adjusted teen is probably going through the same hell. How can so many people from the one demographic, a large group of people who constantly meet and greet people from the said demographic on a daily basis, feel so alone?

    Fuck it, it's because we're realising our parents aren't perfect...mine split up a few years back, most of my friends parents have as well, and a few have had one die. I'd be more shocked to find someone living with two parents in my peer group than someone who was an orphan. We're realising the government is probably screwing us over(how many revolutionary teens can there be before it's no longer revolutionary but part of the "system"?). We realise the religion we've been sold may be ripping us off, the world isn't perfect and nearly everything we do is probably pissing on someones life somewhere else in the world. Our old friends change, move on and we've to start anew. We have to decide our futures while simultaneously working towards attaining them. Plus, we're swimming in a sea of hormones and we're all horny as fuck but too hung up or disgusted by those around us(or we're the ones disgusting everyone) to just throw all our clothes off and spend all day fucking. And those who do regret it, or catch an STD, or pregnancy(one of more scary STD's, I think, when not wanted).

    The world is a big, scary, shit-hole of a place, and it's bound to get you down sometimes, but it'll do the same to everybody. Yes, there's people who have it better, and there's people who have it worse, but the people surrounding you in your day-to-day life, well, they probably even out, just like you. You're not alone...you're surrounded by a teeming, writhing mass of people going through the same shit as you. That's the beauty of humanity, and what matters isn't what happens to you, but how you respond. As Bill Hicks(my Saviour) said it, "It's just a ride"....
    He'll give the speech at the end of the above video. Watch it, it should make you feel better about yourself and the world. Here's to life, the greatest ride perhaps any of us will ever know("Life is short"...no it isn't, it's the longest thing any known human has ever done!)!!!

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