Let me ask a question. Say your elderly parents need a new roof on their house. How much help do you offer financially? Here's the kicker. Your parents have three of their grown sons still living at the house and one of their grown grandsons but one of your sisters has gotten a quote to replace the roof and is asking the 7 siblings and the grandkids to pitch in equally to put a new roof on the house. I'm the youngest of 7 siblings, 53 years old. The three girls and I no longer live in the house. Dad is retired and ailing from Alzheimer's and is no longer able to work. Plus he's 82 or 83 years old. Mom is his caregiver. The two older sons never moved out. They have just been there since day one. My twin brother, also 53, has been divorced twice and evicted from his last apartment earlier this year because when the rental moratorium was in affect up until last year he just stopped paying his rent and when that was lifted he didn't realize he now had to pay all that back rent. He never lost a day of work because of the pandemic. So he and his son, 25 or 26 years old, along with my two oldest brothers all still live at home with our parents. And they all are employed. My sister has divided to roof replacement cost evenly among the 7 siblings and the 6 grandkids to pitch in to put a new roof on our parent's house. I want to help but my thinking is that my parents have 4 grown adults in the house so why aren't they pitching in more? They live there not me. And yes, I understand it's the family house I grew up in but there are 4 other adults still in the house. Am I wrong to think that? You want to help your parent's out but they also have 4 adults still living in the house. And right now I just don't have the funds to help given I'm working on a major car repair. Right now my car repair bill is over $5k and no one is chipping in to help me get it out of the shop. I'm just a brother compared to our parents but even still though. "You cover your own expenses but mom and dad need help." Dividing the cost equally is fair if you want to look at it that way but 4 of us no longer live in the house so why should it be divided equally along with those who live in the house? My sister got an estimate for around $9000 and this is how she broke down the costs. Each of the 7 siblings will chip in $1000 ($7,000). Mom and dad will put in an additional $900 ($7900). And the other $1100 will be divided equally between the other grandkids. This is how I see it should be broken down. Those adults living in the house should contribute $1200 each since they actually live there ($4800). This includes the 3 sons and the one grandson. The other 4 siblings each will contribute ($500) each for an additional $2000 ($6800). Mom and dad will contribute $900 ($7700). And the remaining 5 grandkids each will contribute $260 ($9000). Of course this is not going to go over well simply because the one grandson is now paying 5x more than the other grandkids. I have a strong feeling he's not going to like that nor is his dad. BUT, he actually lives in the house. Plus the fact that he's souping up an old BMW right now. He's wrapped it in this fluorescent pink wrapping and put on this large spoiler kit. If he has money for that then he needs to help out more with the roof over his head. My twin brother is only paying our parents $100 week to stay there along with his son so that's only $800 a month they are paying total for water, lights, cable, internet, food, hot showers, laundry, etc. Earlier this year our brother went out and bought a new suit for more than $350 and we all got on him about that. You're basically homeless but can afford a $350 suit plus all the accessories that go along with it, shirt, tie, shoes, alterations. And now my brother wants to go out and purchase a gun so he can be added security at his church. For a descent gun, license, holster, and whatever accessories he's looking to pay for that it could easily run him $600 or more on the low end. Again, you're basically homeless so buying a gun to walk around church like Clint Eastwood is ridiculous. And then two of the other grandkids no longer live in our state so they have to pay on a house they may see a couple of times a year at most. Again, am I wrong to think this way? Should we all chip in equally to put a new roof on the parent's house when 4 of the 7 siblings no longer live there. I don't mind helping but I don't think I need to be asked to pay the same amount as those who actually live in the house. Yes, I plan to discuss this with my sister and give my opinion but I'm most likely going to be over ruled because everyone else is all ready and set to pay their $1000. Again I'm working on a car repair that's well over $5000 right now. And like I said, no one is chipping in to help me with that.
I think those who live in the house should be responsible for the cost. I personally, would never ask my children or grandchildren to contribute to the cost of house repairs unless I was desparate. Then again if I had relatives living with me I would expect to split the cost with them. You are not liable for any of the cost in my opinion.
That's exactly what I'm thinking. I no longer live in the house and haven't for some 20+ years. Yes, we all live in the same city and go over often to visit but we no longer liver there together as a family. If the 7 kids were all out of the house and the roof needed replacing then I could see how it should be divided equally between the 7 siblings but in this case there are still 3 sons and one grandson who all live there and they all work. Why are they not covering the cost of the roof on the house they live in? I sent my sister an email explaining my position on this but have not gotten a reply. Don't get me wrong, I want to help but I don't feel I need to contribute the same amount as those who actually live there. The thing is this. The roof is actually not leaking. Apparently our parent's home owner's insurance is looking to renew their policy and they are saying that the roof needs to be replaced or they will no longer cover the policy on the house. I mean, it may not be the newest prettiest roof but it's not leaking either.
Simple solution? Change insurers. If my insurer came to me with an ultimatum like that my short answer would be fuck off!
And apparently they just did a drive by visual inspection of the roof. They just sent our parents a letter stating that they needed to replace the roof. I think that is crappy customer service. In speaking with my sister she is telling me that the thought did cross her mind and she agrees with everything I said to her but to keep everyone even she'd rather do it this way. And I think she was trying to guilt me by saying that our mom does so much for us so we shouldn't have a problem doing something for them. She's right but I also do things for our mom and I'm sure my other siblings do too. If I'm there and she needs gas in her car I'll go take it to the gas station or to a car wash. I'm always there fixing things or helping to put in new appliances or taking out old ones. I've taken her and my dad to the doctor's visits when I'm off work and things like that. Stuff you're supposed to do for your parents. But in this situation, it's more than moving a washing machine or coming to paint my dad's ramp. This is $1000 out of each of our pockets when we don't even live there anymore. My 4 other brothers and one of the grandsons reside there so why can't they cover the cost of the roof?
Insurance companies have no shame... This is how they do things... And trying to find another insurer will call for more than a "drive by" inspection, the new company will want to do a full inspection. This sounds like an older home, they will find much more than just a roof.
And another thing is this. We all were raised in that house. My two older brothers never moved out. My twin moved back in with his son simply because they got evicted from their apartment and had nowhere else to go. An eviction on his record is going to prevent him from finding another apartment any time soon. My sister is saying that no matter what the roof needs to be replaced and I agree with that. However, I can't get past the fact that there are 4 grown men still living there and we all should chip in the same amount when we're no longer sleeping in the house. When our parent's eventually pass away it will still be the family house but our two older brothers will remain in the home. My issue is this. Given they will be still in the home should we all cover the cost of every repair and things that may come up? No, I don't think so.
And that's the thing. Just like I said in my OP I don't mind helping, that's not the issue. My issue is that my 3 grown brothers and one of my brother's grown sons also live in the house but we all have to split the cost of the roof replacement equally. All 4 of those men work. No one chipped in my my truck was in the shop and said, "we need to split the cost of his truck repair equally between with siblings and the siblings kids." And then because the one the grandkids is there he only has to pay a few hundred simply because he's a grandchild. He's taking all of his money and fixing up a BMW he bought. My issue is that he lives there and has to only pay about $250 but I don't live there and have to pay $1000. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents to death and would do anything to help them out but there are limits to anything given certain circumstances and situations. Again, say none of the kids or grandkids lived there and they needed a new roof. Sure, I'd have no problem splitting the cost between the siblings and even the grandkids since that is the family house and we all go visit on the regular. But this isn't that situation. There are 4 other grown adults sleeping under that roof so why should the 3 of the siblings, who don't live there, have to contribute just as much as those who do? I even mentioned it to the one sister who was collecting the money about how unfair it was and she agreed that it was unfair but to get everyone on board to look at it in terms of being fair she wasn't willing to do. So she just decided to just split the cost evenly between everyone and just require each person to pay the same amount, which to me is unfair. What happens next when mom needs a new stove or the AC goes out in the house? Should we all take up a collection again or should those who live in the house cover the cost of that repair they utilize?
Does your mother expect you to help? I was very much in a similar situation. After my father passed away I did most minor repairs to my mother's home.
Yeah, it's kind of expected because when our parents pass away the house will be left to the 7 siblings. However, the two older brothers will remain in the house. The plan was not for the other brother nor his son to live there. The house will be equally split. My issue is that there are 4 grown men living there along with our parents. I don't think I need to contribute that much to a house I no longer sleep under said roof. I don't mind helping but why do I need to contribute $1000 and I don't live there anymore?
If they live there, they should pay rent. Based on what it would cost them to have a place of their own. Unless parents need assistance, if parents need help with meals, and cleaning, that would be different.
Depends if one is a beneficiary in the Parents estate, and perhaps the value of the estate. Do the folks have a will? When I did mortgage lending, we would encounter a poor roof, we would call for a standard Roof Certification from a licenesed contractor, will the insurer buy-in to a roof cert. ? How old is the Roof? Its cheaper to just add another layer, but if there are already 2 layers, The Lenders will require a more expensive Tear-off and then a new roof. Has the insurer been shopped around? Has the roofer been shopped? its a big price. Wondering if the roof job can be financed by a Home Equity Line of Credit, HELOC, ? How much is the property worth and how much equity do your parents hold? Will they qualify for the HELOC. Can the Children sign on as co-borrowers to the HELOC or Refinance? Any credit issues? Co-Signers will need to document an income stream. How old is the the home? its condition? and are any forseeable additional repairs on the horizon. Homeowners face repair bills all the time. My Dad had ALZ. The deterioration picks up over time and starts to gallop. It Will get tougher for your Mom. Any thoughts on an assited living future? or a senior living community all on one floor? How long will they be in the house? You have been presented with a short-term problem where long term issues are present, The need for a roof may be the vehicle to claim a focus on long term issues with the children/beneficiaries. Yes you need these answers before you pony up. There are a few Deal-Killers lurking. Please get back to The Forums with any resolutions. Peace.
