I wanna fuck my friend

*snort/laugh. You thank him for his opinion because it confirms what you want to believe. So transparent!

How come I don't get thanked for my opinion?

 

Wow. This conversation got really thick all of a sudden. First of all, Underwear, I didn't say anything about shame. I dunno where you thought that little tid bit up, but it didn't come from me. Many sex acts are gross to me. You may like licking someone's asshole just because, but to me that's gross. I don't feel ashamed after I do it. It's just that if I'm not horny, I don't feel inclined. In fact you've just described a sex act that you think is gross when you're not horny. So does that make you feel ashamed after you do it?

Aerianne, you're dragging this thread off topic just because you don't like what I have to say (or don't like me). It's fruitless to argue about how many men think which sex acts are gross when they're not horny and how many don't. What's going on here is, I presented a scenario, from my own personal experience, that is a likely explanation for Woman's husband's behavior. Whether gross is the right word or not, whether we're going through an exactly similar experience or not, it's clear that he finds certain sex acts that Woman enjoys distasteful in some way shortly after having his own orgasm. This is hardly rare, it's perfectly understandable, and -this is the important part - it's perfectly possible to have great sex anyway.

 

What a sad view of sex! You're presenting a false choice, between one partner being in misery or the other. I understand if you just want to wallow in misery for a while. But there is a solution. You haven't told me, have you considered making sure that you cum first? You said that you're often very close when he cums. Maybe there's a way that you could slow him down, or speed yourself up, and problem solved!

But I'm getting the sense that this is somewhat of a red herring. You know how sometimes people will get fixated on one aspect of a problem, But really the true source of the problem is elsewhere. Is the sex truly the nature of your misery, or is there something deaper going on?

 

I'd like to thank you for your other post, the one where you talk about being grossed out. You said you weren't thanked for it and I felt bad, because I really appreciated you being sincere about it. It was your opinion and I think you're right that many men share it. Not all men, of course, but neither you, nor me are using the word "all" here. From the ones who do feel this way, most won't ever admit it, because people are seldom real about their sexuality.

About me having an orgasm first, I do try. The problem is that I have clitoris orgasms. I don't touch myself during sex to give myself that stimulation (clit), because he said it is a turn off for him. I've tried toys to do that, but he also didn't like them. I feel the built up when we're having intercourse, very aroused, on the edge, I'm almost there, but I'd need a little help to push me to orgasm.

I think my problem is lack of sexual satisfaction. There are other things, but things I can live with. Lack of sex is really the one thing that gets me really down, terribly needy. Sometimes I'm in agony, a permanent feeling down there (clitoris), as if I was about to have an orgasm, but I just can't. I've been feeling like this for a few days, now. When we have sex and I don't get to have an orgasm, sometimes it's like it's aching down there, an agony, a very bad physical sensation.

It is very cold here. I'm waiting for the weather to change a little, positive temperatures, to go back to a lifestyle club with him to get some sex from some stranger. I know I'll feel better after sex.

I'd masturbate to feel better, but now, because I'm so upset these days, I just can't. Because there is psychological distress as well as the physical one.

About my post you quoted, I was careful to talk about "some" men and "some" women.

But I agree with you, my view of sex isn't the best. The impression I have is that people fool each other. Like men who are all nice to a woman till they get laid. And women who'll do lots of things to men to get them into a marriage, then deny them sex.

I think there are very few people who actually find a match. Most, I think, just go on playing some kind of game. I get a lot of attention from men. I like when it is clear they just wanna fuck me. It's just for the sex. I extremely dislike it when they feign interest on me, as a person, when all they want is to fuck. Of course, there are men who wanna know me as a person, that's nice when it is true, but you can feel when it is fake.

What I'm trying to say and failing to find the right words to make it short, is that I think people (not everybody, but many, perhaps most) will tell any lie, do whatever it takes, including doing things in bed they don't really like, only to get sex. And after they get what they wanted, they'll lose interest and stop doing what they shouldn't be doing in the first place, because they didn't like doing it anyway.

I wish it was different. I wish people would be honest about their sexuality.

David, right now, I have very little answers that will make sense to you. I don't do it on purpose. I'm being one hundred percent sincere in all I write. I tell you how it feels, how I feel. I'm very sad, very hurt... it is not why, where, how. It is a crushing feeling. A pain, both psychological and physical. I can't rationalize everything, because when people are in such an upset state, they're watching events through tears, too emotional to really know anything.

 

well regret certainly doesn't come into play in my case. i don't think that's what david was saying either, although i certainly can't speak for him or anyone else. the only part i was agreeing with was basically the working up to the heat of the moment part.

i didn't say anything about shame either, so i have no clue where this rant is coming from.

 

Then we are in agreement.

 

You're righrt underwear, my bad. Reviewing the thread, that was Willy that equated what I said to feeling shame. Sorry, I'm a bit rusty with forums. Second time recently that I mistook one poster for another.

 

Thank you. I see that you truly do appreciate honesty. It's a rare traight. Most people claim to want honesty, but really what they want is pleasant lies. Of course, most people lie all the time too. So if you actually do appreciate honesty, it can be hard to find someone.

That seems to be the one thing that you truly admire about your husband, from what you said in the other thread you just started. It's what's kept you with him all these years, it would seem.

It just seems strange to me that, when you value and admire honesty so much, you shelter your husband and your friends and family from your own honest opinions, and save them for anonymous internet sites. I understand that you feel you are protecting them, but I have to wonder, are you being true to yourself?

If your friends are really your friends, they'll want to be there for you, they want to know what you're going through.

Well I dunno. A lot of people do things that they don't necessarily enjoy in order to please their partners. But I don't think there's anything wrong with that, because on a deaper level they're doing it because what they really want is to please their partner. My wife told me early in our relationship, that a good lover should be game. You don't have to want to do something in order to do it. The fact that your partner wants to should be good enough.

Now, your husband isn't like that. He doesn't actually care if you're satisfied or not. Or at least he doesn't go out of his way to make sure that you are. So you've got to ask yourself, which do you value more? Are you willing to be continually frustrated by someone who doesn't give a fuck, because you appreciate the honesty that he doesn't give a fuck?

So that's the thing, right? Your husband is honest about his sexuality, which you greatly respect. It's just that his sexuality turns out to be selfish and not very helpful to your sexuality, so it puts you in something of a bind.

I'm thinking that it's ironic that with all of your self awareness, and respect for honesty, that you can't be honest with your husband about your needs in the moment. But I'm also thinking that maybe that's what he's waiting for. You said that he will finish you off when you ask. Does he complain about it?

Yes, I understand. Moreso than before, any way. It's very impressive to be aware of your own lack of self awareness. So few people get that far. I hope that some day you can be with a lover that you can be honest with, or even better get there with your current lover. I can tell that it's tearing you apart.