I thought it would be a while...

Oh, I'm feeling positive about it. I do look forward to the arrival of my child and I see this as a positive step for us. My biggest concerns have to do with Holly. I'm just wanting to make sure she doesn't feel like she's missing out on life, nor do I want her to feel that she can't do any of the things she originally planned to do. But how often does one follow some plan without a few detours along the way? I ask on an almost daily basis if she's truly happy. And I'll do whatever I can to make sure she IS happy.

Sure, I'm scared. Who wouldn't be? This is my first baby. But my baby will be fed, sheltered, and loved. I look forward to going through this pregnancy with Holly through good and bad. I love her soooo much. And I already love our child, even though (s)he isn't due until May 2006.

I thank all of you who have given us support and advice in recent days. And I also understand the concerns that Holly's mom has. But even though the timing might not be great nor the way this happened ideal, it doesn't change the fact that something wonderful has happened and a little bundle of love is on the way. I feel blessed. And I can't think of anyone else whom I'd like to have my child with. I love you Holly!

Thanks again for the support. We will be keeping you all informed as the pregnancy progresses.

Love,
Mono

 

Point is monosphere, people will be obsessed with Holly, Holly's concerns, Holly's needs, Holly's dreams, Holly's future, etc.

There are THREE people involved in this escapade, and most fixate on TWO of them.

How much advice have you been given in the past little while and how positive has it been?

 

I tend to worry about that. I don't want brian to be lost in the shuffle. I see my momma freaking out about ME and the BABY. My friends worried about ME and the BABY. His brother's said things to me about ME and the BABY. I don't see anyone really focusing on how this is affecting him. His life is changing too. He's about to be a dad.

I don't know what I can do to help in that regard. I'm afraid that I'll go too far and baby him, or not say enough and him pull away. And I'm sure this is common in every pregnancy, even with happily married couples. Everyone just focuses on momma and baby, because those changes are the msot obvious. But Brian's life is changing too. So I guess, thoughts and advice for him would be appreciated too.

(And IronGoth, my sig means something...something very special...The first time in my life I've ever connected with someone on such a deep level. And I'm glad it's brian.) I LOVE YOU, BRIAN!

 

The best advice I can give to him is to keep informed about what's going on. As a woman I only know what it's like for the father to be from my own second hand perception, it is difficult because your hormones are going to be very intense, and he will also have thoughts and need to get a hang of his emotions concerning this pregnancy and it will be tough on your relationship (9x out of 10 relationships) it seems to me that it is harder on the man, because the man has to try to be supportive and helpful to you while sorta putting his emotions on the back burner at certain times and take care of what needs to be taken care of, things that you can't do. He will need to try not to take your emotions personally and try not to freak out when you are in pain. He will also need to take some time for himself or else he will be overstressed. And for me it was most important for the man to just be there, comforting, even when he didn't know what to do, if I was in pain emotional or physical it was helpful just knowing he was there for me, try not to get frustrated. I guess it's not harder but just as difficult only in different ways than it is for the woman.

And yes the baby is affected by the environment around it, especially the momma's emotions. There was a study done where the mama was provided with stimuli that made her stressed, upset, and scared and the ultrasound showed the baby cringing, and jumping when the mama was upset, even when the mama just lay there, feeling upset but not moving, the baby felt this pain. So yah, it's something to think about. Try to see the good as much as you can, not to ignore your pain, but to try to move through and find the peace in each situation. Blessings to you both.

 

Hippyfreek, going to La Leche League in your second trimester (and keep going) will help you with breastfeeding. Also, try to see a Board Certified Lactation Consultant. I prefer Private Practice Consultants, not the ones in the hospital, as they PP consultanst have more experience with the entire spectrum of lactation, not just the first 4 days, like the hospital ones do. Also, the hospital LCs have doctors and formula companies they often have to "support" and often tailor their advice on what is best for the hosptial protocal not what is best for each mama and baby. SOME hosptial LCs are great, but I have seen great deficits.

See the LC to make sure you have truely INVERTED nipples, (most people who actually think they have inverted nipples actually have FLAT nipples) and being truely inverted on both sides is really rare. If you want to send me a picture, I'll see what I can do, from as far away as I am, but you also need to see someone in your area. There are treatments for inverted nipples, I'll post them.

Mono, there is a great book called Becoming a Father by Dr William Sears. I love this book, and give it to expectant daddies, while I give The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and The Baby Book by William and Martha Sears to the mama and the daddy.

I read Becoming a Father during my second pregnancy (and would read exerpts to my dh, as he didn't want to read it) and it helped me to under stand what my dh was going through. It is a really good book.

 

Basics of Inverted Nipples From La Leche League

Some caveats: ONE:, do NOT use a pump on your breasts during pregnancy, it can stimulate contractions and actually cause preterm labor.

TWO: You can do the Hoffman Tecnique, but if you have ANY contraction while doing it (unless you are in your last three weeks, which would be normal) STOP the tecnique and wait until after the baby is born to treat the nipple.

THREE: Babies whose mamas have flat or inverted nipples are VERY suseptible to Nipple Confusion (the inability to feed from the breast after being given an artificial nipple) so NO Bottle or pacifiers for a baby whose mama has nipple problems. It may be easier for the baby to suckle on the plastic nipple and she may not want to nurse. Persevere and if she medically needs supplements use a spoon or feeding cup NEVER a bottle in the first few months with a baby whose mama is inverted.

 

First off, how old are you? Even still, no matter the age, you will be ok. I hope the best for you. You cant really plan these things...but like I said, you will be ok. Take time to listen, and take in consideration how people feel. Though it wont change anything for your mom to be mad at you, she has her own way of dealing with things. You have to understand this. She will eventually come around, she just doesnt want to admit her little girl is growing up. Trust me, I had the same problem...just not in this circumstance. Well, I wish you luck in life...take care

 

An other good article, along with a Nipple Test.

 

Photo of a truely inverted nipple, during a Pinch Test.










If the nipple even pops out a little, with this test, or with ice, it is a FLAT nipple, not a truely inverted one. Breastfeeding is possible, and not even all that difficult with either type of nipple.

See how it retracts, like a navel? This is true inversion. ANY protrusion means you are flat and not inverted.