I think I'm a complete retard when it comes to boy/girl stuff

that's all

 

I'm single for the first time since I was 19. I spent almost 11 years with my (now) ex, whom I'm still sleeping with occasionally.

And I feel like a fucking teenager. I literally don't know how to date because I've actually never done it.

I don't even want to date I just want to be both NOT sex-starved and NOT screwing my ex.

 

Join the club.

 

Who isnt man

 

did you try online dating already?

 

So forget about the word 'date' and just think about it as going out and getting to know someone.

Stay light and fun and things will open up for you.

 

I call it creep-face selfie roulette.

I toyed with it a bit, but it just seemed kinda gross and unnatural

 

Haha that's awesome!

 

That's okay, you'll eventually find another retard.

 

ok, another route is to find something that interests you or that you believe in. you pursue a group related to that, then you find someone compatible.

that's more of a relationship route though, you can still find someone that way though.

 

Nope, none of those things.

I just need to calm the fuck down and not stress about it.

Just let it be.

But I'll probably still be hooking up with the ex which would be fine if he didn't want to get back together, but since he does, I'm basically being mean.

 

if you really don't want to be with your ex anymore, it's probably just making things worse for him.

if there's a non-zero chance that you'll change your mind, it would be ok. just as long as you are not stringing him along with false hope.

I think most people just go to a bar when they want to hook up.

 

As far as dating goes, I feel for you....truly. I have been married for so long that the idea of dating is unappealing, at best. Personally, I have a better chance of learning a foreign language, than figuring out the dating game. lol

I agree with those that suggested you just meet people, and see where it goes. Even a bad date is helpful...as it teaches you, or reaffirms, what you aren't looking for in a partner. Put yourself out there, be willing to date a variety of people...you never know when or where you will find someone.

My only real suggestion is to stop using your ex for physical reasons. I am not saying you're wrong, because you are both adults and he is willing. I just think one of you needs to have the strength to end things....so you can both move on with your lives. (I've been there, and done that...and know many others who have....it rarely ends well)

Good luck.

 

chilli tuesdaystar f***em all ,do what you want to do

 

That's the thing, there's a non-zero chance for sure. I know that. I've spent basically my entire life with him. But he keeps asking me if he has a chance and I don't know how to properly express that that should just not be the focus. We both need to learn how to be on our own, for our baby's sake we need to make grownups of ourselves.

That and I have been so amazingly annoyed with him for the past year, I'm not really sure I *can* ever be in a healthy, loving relationship with him again.

So when he comes into town, he stays with me and babe and we share a bed. The first time I told myself "I'm not gonna sleep with him, not gonna sleep with him" because I didn't want to fuck with his head and I didn't want to set a precedent that we would always be having sex whenever we are around each other. But after 2 weeks, I came home drunk and kinda horny and was like "we could just have sex, right?" and so that went out the window and now he sees me as available to him physically and he's possessive of me in that way. Always making comments about me wanting to go "do it with other men" (yes, he uses the term "do it")

So I know and have known from day one that it's not good for him mentally and emotionally for us to be in a physical relationship and I am going to have to confront that with him.

I did think that since he wanted me back, he'd be really good in bed. I mean we've been amazing together in the past. But really it was just the same boring sex I'd grown disenchanted with only now even more quick.

Logically, I'd like us to be able to be together and raise our kid in a healthy, loving family. Realistically that seems like a kind of slim chance.

So no, there's not a zero chance I will change my mind. But yes, I am sure it's not a good idea for us to be sleeping together right now.

 

I guess relationship counseling is the stock answer. That's often expensive though. Sometimes discounts are available for this and other kinds of counseling.

Not being with anyone for a while might be the best thing. That may be hard to do though. I think you spoke about your relationship maybe being codependant, in which case being celebate for a while might be an especially good idea.

If you might get back together with your ex, getting involved with other men in the interim could be a big problem... something that never gets resolved.

Imho, only get involved with other men if you are sure that you and your ex are not getting back together.

 

Celibacy is just a not gonna happen thing. Even if it is the most rational thing (which I don't really get). Deprivation might be in order for a bit so I can just chill the fuck out and center myself for a minute, but I can't live by any sort of strict restrictions. It's too disharmonious with my nature.

 

I did actually talk to the ex and tell him we've gotta knock it off because it's not going to help us move on. So that's kinda grownup... maybe a little at least.