I Said The Wrong Thing To My Woman..how To Make Her Feel Good?

Her and I were having a long phone conversation like usual and I took offense to something she said and I told her she had disrespected me and my feelings. The subject was about smoking and if her and I ever lived together, which we had been discussing, I said I wouldn't want her smoking inside (on a rare occasion - she smokes outside for the most part). I smoked for over 20 years and I quit smoking less than 3 years ago. To this day, I still WANT a real smoke, but I choose not to. It's not always easy and I wouldn't want to have a cloud of temptation in my face. That lit her up!

But guess what lit her up..it wasn't the smoking so much as me telling her she had disrespected me. She takes A LOT of pride in how she treats and has treated her other girlfriends in the past...with respect. I can vouch for some of that because her and I were a couple about 18 years ago and she had never disrespected me back then. She is such a special woman both physically and mentally and no other woman could even come close to her since her and I split up many years ago. (And so incredibly sexy!) She has a beautiful feminine face and long, blonde hair that is usually styled to perfection to match. However, she tells me she identifies as being butch. She is super sweet yet has an incredibly strong personality. She can also be super sensitive.

I asked her tonight (3 nights later) if she can forgive me and she told me she doesn't know. This really bothered her! I told her how very sorry I was along with other things to try and make her feel good. At the end of the night,,I asked her if she was still mad and she said "yes".

Do you have any idea of how I can make her feel better? I'm still in love with her and I really want things to work out with her and I this time!!

 

Talk to her about why you said it, how her saying the things she did made you feel and explain that's why you said it

 

"But guess what lit her up..it wasn't the smoking so much as me telling her she had disrespected me. She takes A LOT of pride in how she treats and has treated her other girlfriends in the past...with respect."




She cares more about herself than others if she is angry because you felt disrespected. She is more concerned with her feelings and her pride than your health. When one smokes and the other doesn't....IMO...the "doesn't" one's feelings should be taken into consideration above a cigarette.

Run away as fast as you can dear.

 

Thank you for the advice, but run away, I can't do. I'm very much in love with her.
Yes, she does have a lot of pride. She also has a lot of beautiful attributes as well. She is an amazing friend/lover to me and losing her is the last thing in the world I want. I fully accept her with all of her assets and downfalls. If there was any consistency with her pride coming between us, then yes, I would have a serious problem with that and would keep her as a close friend. She has always made a valiant effort to make me feel good and I want to do the same for her.

She explained she wouldn't ever smoke near me if on a rare occasion she had to smoke a quick cigarette inside. What bothered her is how I worded it.

 

"What bothered her is how I worded it."