i ruined everything.

this is going to be long, so if you dont have patience, then dont read this lol. i just ruined me and my boyfriends relationship.. i mad a big mistake and just need to get this out, because i hate myself..

me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 2 years, and everything has been perfect, we love each other SO much.. well he went off to college for his 1st year last august... and things have gotten really rocky, and really hard for us. he used to go out all the time, and would be really mean and rude to me, and would act like he didnt even care about me. well, my friend "jarod" started talking to me towards springtime or something, and he liked me, and would compliment me and charm me when i was upset about my boyfriend and it just drew me in . he would say mean things about my boyfriend that made it seem like he was cheating on me, and that just made me want to listen to jarod more and what he had to say and i snuck behind my boyfriends back for 2 months to see this kid. well my boyfriend found out from some dickhead, and flipped out on me asking me how i could do this to him.. and i just saw him on friday and we fought so much and he was crying because of what i did, and then we talked about it and i told him everything that happened (nothing sexual at all, just kind of a comfort person) and he said he never wanted to talk to me again. i know that i shouldnt have went behind his bakc, and lied to him for that long. we talked today, and things seemed alright, but he said that he thinks about it all the time and said that he cant trust me like he used to, and now will have to question himself thinking of where i'm at.. and everything

i know i did something wrong, i love my boyfriend more than ANYTHING.. i don't even talk to jarod anymore. i had no reason to do what i did and i feel so guilty about it. did this ever happen to anybody else? even if it didnt, can you please tell me how i can gain my boyfriends trust back? i know its a childish thing to do, and a childish thing to ask for.. thanks for all the help, and listening to my story-

 

I'm sorry you think you did something wrong bevause you're boyfriend showed you no affection for months and you chose to spend time with somone whoc ared about you and valued you...seems like you did nothing wrong and your boyfriend is miss treating you. I would leave your boyfriend he's upset because he realized HE fucked up in the way he treated you.

 

well i guess i don't see anything wrong in wanting to be around somebody who made me feel better. but my boyfriend hates liars so much, and i did lie to him fro 2 months strait, and hid EVERY trace of that kid from him for that long.. that is why he's so mad.. plus he's a very jealous person, so he got mad that i hung out w/ that kid for so long. i swear i only love my boyfriend and nobody else, but he didnt believe me, he also heard rumors that i had sex w/ the kid,and he flipped out. i really didnt have sex or anything w/ that kid, it was nothing more than talking.

my boyfriend doesnt really mistreat me, its just that every once in awhile he gets careless, and we fight, and things get real ugly, but we always end up making up, but he did admit that he was wrong too in that he didnt show me the affection that i needed.

 

He's mistreating you right now Hun. Even if ya'll were married this is no longer the Middle Ages and he has no right to tell you who you can talk to or even 'hang out' with. Wake up and smell the coffee Hun!!! This boy's abusing you!

 

if he's the jealous type he shouldn't have taken you for granted and given you a reason to make hime jealous. neglect is far worse than hanging with a guy friend and not telling your bf.

 

yeah i guess your right. partly is my fault though by going behind his back, but i did it because he wasnt really paying any attention to me or anything. thank you alot

 

holy shit...i'm your age and this is exactly what i;m; goin through right now...he kind of neglects me yet we talk at least once a day...i just feel like its out of obligaiton

 

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jack-a-roe,... feels nice to know that somebody feels the way i feel lol. how old is your boyfriend??

 

First of all, he was being an ass to you, so don't go feeling TOO badly. Of course, you shouldn't go sneaking around behind his back. I hate liars too, and I think in a relationship, you've gotta be completely upfront about shit. But at the same time, you didn't have sex with this guy. You just hung out with him because he made you feel good. I don't see where you did anything wrong.


I've been with my man for 2 years, 9 months, and recently, my ex-bf who is in love with me started hanging out with me. My bf was upset about it but he trusted me, and I was upfront with him and always told him when I'd be hanging out with my ex and what we did and stuff. So I guess...you've just gotta have communication. There's nothing wrong with hanging out with a friend, but just be honest with your man about what you're doing.

You didn't do anything wrong. Your bf fucked up by neglecting you. Just seems like a communication problem going on. You'll work it out.

 

yeah its a communication problem, because he's really jealous, and i really love him, and i knew that hanging out w/ my friend would cause problems, so i hid it all from him thinking that nobody would find out. but this is a little town, and of course drama is all around so some dickhead decided to tell my boyfriend everything.. PLUS make up more rumors. my boyfriend apologized for neglecting me and not listening and paying attention to me, and i told him that if he could believe me, that i'd never lie to him again... and we're already off to a good start and getting back together.

but for now on, if one of my guy friends wants to hang out w/ me, i'm going to tell him.. and i expect him to do the same for me. which he does

 

he is 18...he just left a few weeks ago and doesn't act like he wants me to visit him or he visit me...we get along fine on the phone but our conversations last like 5 minutes top at a time. Before he left we spent like for the past 8 months everyday together. I'm just giving him space now to see if he acts any different.

 

oh wow.. our situation is SO much alike !! my boyfriend is 19, starting his 2nd year in college. and he never says anything about me visiting him, or him visiting me, unless I say something.. and it seems like he says yeah i guess you can come down here, out of pity because i want to see him.

 

"Only love can break your heart, so be sure right from the start."

 

yeah...i had a friend who went through this but she said after like 3 months into the long distance he finally showed interest and started actin like he missed her and wanted to see her....I was gonna wait until like halloween to see how it went....i just lost hope though with it being his 2nd year of college for you...was he like this the whole time?

 

Please dont beat your self up about what you did. Hes the one that wasent there for you when you needed him it seems. It was wrong not to tell him that you were talking to the other guy but in this situation not one of you is more in the wrong. I think you guys can get through this. Comunication is the best tool is a relation ship. good luck and peace be with you~

 

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you must first love your self. for you are the most important person to your self but you dont even have to ignoledge that. just know that love is limitless love is a light that shines on for eteraty. if it is not true then the light can not shine through. be tru to your self and others and your love light will shine on~

peace love and happiness,
Tyler

 

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