I never asked a girl out for a date.

I seriously never liked the word date or asking a girl out on a date. Because there are too many expectations and restrictions automatically attached to it. My current wife was a work friend who asked me for help on a case. we often worked at home (telecommuted). She would come to my house and we would work together. I called her one day and asked if she would like to HANG OUT without working. She said sure come over on Saturday and I will make some Mexican Chicken Soup.

I went and it lasted 23 years so far.

 

There is a whole Seinfeld episode about a guy getting Elaine to go out with him without asking for a date.


Elaine : See what is that ? Is that a date ?
Todd : Why can't two people go and do something without it being a date ?
Elaine : All right . I am sorry it's not a date .
Todd : No way . So I'll see you Saturday night ?
Elaine : All right .
Todd : Pick you up at 8:00 p.m.

 

It just feels like there are no restrictions or rules when you ask a girl to hang out. I once asked a girl whom I never dated, if she wanted to hang out for a week end at a resort spa and sit at the beach drink mai tais and sit in a private in room hot tub.I said completely monogamous no strings attached and I'd pay for everything. She said no. Then a few months later she was at our groups favorite cheers bar and she asked me if I wanted to go to my place with her. You never know what will happen.

I think the point is, when one asks for a date the question of sex lingers in the background and for some that is uncomfortable. But hanging out is more of a freelancing kind of thingy.

 

Same but for diff reasons. I'm introverted. #1 - a copper-headed blonde, she approached me at a bar that my friends dragged me to. #2 - a brunette, she was handing out rice crispy squares at a local small town fair I was helping out with. #3 - wife, church function, needed her car fixed. Married for 18 years, known her for another 3.

First sex with #2 which was a disaster. She was experienced, it was my first time. She basically forced me to. Maybe she thought it was funny, but it was scarring.

 

cooo

I do like a little romance . So yes I like being asked out properly . I like him paying as well lol xxx

If he wants my company then he has to woo me

 

Asked too many women if they would like to go to a movie, dinner, or whatever with me, which would qualify as a date. Rejected every time. Changed the way I proposed spending time together to: "I'm going to (a movie, dinner, or whatever) wanna come along? I'd like the company." Worked every time.

 

That's what I'm talkin about. I figured that out as a teen and yes it works most of the time. But when you keep the ulterior motive (whats behind her panties) out of your mind and just be as up front as possible that you just want a companion it works best. IMO this actually makes her think how come he is not after my crotch like all the other guys? And she is more willing to participte as a friend. Friendships can go just about anywhere.

 

Here is a twist of thought. When we look at another person we want what with this person we had experienced in the past with a different person or what we saw on a video. That is living in the past. And then we imagine what we would do with that person if we had the opportunity. That is projecting into the future. When we live in the present we simply want a companion to share our NOW with.

Take 2 aspirin and call me in the morning.

 

This can be difficult given that you never really identify what the other person wants. Also, the conversation could be had and one individuals feelings could be hurt if it is just viewed as a hangout and not a date. You know what I mean? I think that if it isn't meant to be a date that should be clarified from the get go. "Would you want to come hang out? Just like a friend hangout?", just "can we hang out" allows the misconception of a date to be formed in the other persons mind which creates that awkwardness that everybody loathes so much. Obviously it worked out for this gentlemen; however, his want to just hang left him in a 25 year relationship (which obviously he wanted in the long run), but I think both parties should just go in with a basic knowledge of joint expectations verse leaving it up to interpretation. This could be in any 'dating' or not interaction between individuals with a potential attractions. Now when looking at it from the opposite side, establishing the interest is also important. Ask the suitor! Some people like to be formally asked out and some don't mind the casual hang outs before the label. Overall, my suggestion would be to just ask the other person, discuss your interests, your intentions and your expectations before hand. Also, you don't always have to have or imply sex which could be a huge aspect of the original stress as well.

 

I think I only asked out one girl, and we hung around each other over one summer.
All the rest were gals that I met and hit it off with, and didn't really have to ask. Neither my first wife, or now my 2nd and final wife did I ask on a date.