If your spouse had an affair that you knew about and you worked thru it long ago...and right now you have no reason to think anything is going on....but....what if you sort of think more went on than you knew about in the past....does it matter? Should it just stay in the past? Do you ask about it at the risk of causing problems?
What do you mean " more than you knew about " Multiple Affairs ? I think if you have worked through it you have done well ! many cant forgive and forget
Been in therapy, rehashing a lot of things. The affair came up. Looking back and getting an objective opinion, I sort of feel like the same guy happened more than that once, later on. I love her to death....if she told me id be hurt and sad, but I'd be fine and maybe even relieved. I haven't thought about it much over the years, and I'm sure it will pass. And don't get me wrong, I'm no picnic, ive done crap also that she knows.
Lol yeah I hear you. But really, therapy does dredge things up and bring them out. It's helpful but also a bit tough. So for one, I haven't been thinking of the affair much before and also if you had some. things that youve never been able to talk to anyone about, and then you do... then new ideas form..you get new perspectives, views, whether good bad or indifferent.
I think it matters, but it may not matter in the big picture. It's more stuff for you to work through, but I wouldn't dig up the past over it. I would do some individual therapy type stuff.
I don't think you ever get the entire story in these situations. I also believe that you can't change the spots on a leopard.. When I was younger I thought people could change, I think it's rare when it comes to infidelity.
Your first mistake was not ending the relationship when you were first wronged. Your second mistake will be raking it all up again. Let it go.
If it was years ago and you have gone out of your way to find this site and post your worries then clearly you haven’t moved on. If it was me I’d want to know everything
This is why it’s a deal breaker for me. I would be able to forgive but the trust would be totally gone. What you are feeling is normal. Your partner broke your trust and you might always feel triggered. It’s up to you if you want to live like that or let it go.
Let it go, it was long ago, therefore it is done with, If you were going to do anything about it , you should of done it way back then , when things were fresh, not now, Besides , If you keep this up ,It is going to tear you apart and her, Think before leaping ,
If your intent was to move on regardless of the situation, then that's what you must do if you are planning to stay with your spouse. There will be problems if you bring it up and dig up more shit.
This. I've been working through some serious emotions related to trauma I went through at age 17. Thought I processed that shit. Stuff does come up from time to time for sure. Maybe bring it up to your wife and tell her you're feeling uneasy? She'd be the best person to put your mind at ease.
I used to say let's put it in the past and move on. Go forward from this point on and forgive and forget it. But after it happened twice I lost a major part of my respect and trust for that person. The relationship became a day to day thing for me, not ever confident or secure in it, which is no way to live. If I had it to do over again I'd say one strike you're out. I'm moving on and not wasting time on a relationship that's on again off again, hot today cold tomorrow
I used to say let's put it in the past and move on. Go forward from this point on and forgive and forget it. But after it happened twice I lost a major part of my respect and trust for that person. The relationship became a day to day thing for me, not ever confident or secure in it, which is no way to live. If I had it to do over again I'd say one strike you're out. I'm moving on and not wasting time on a relationship that's on again off again, hot today cold tomorr
Me as well. It demonstrates lack of respect and lack of consideration, no love and disregard for the other person's feelings. So why would you want to continue to coexist with that person? You can get better treatment from strangers.
He'd need to be gone cuz he'd be a stupid ass fucker to think he can get a better woman or better sex elsewhere.
It makes me wonder if those guys who cheated and fucked other women really did get better sex with them than what they had? I doubt it. Does anyone ever get better when they go astray and fuck other people? Just different and it's not better.
