I need help with the potty!

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by moon_flower, Mar 9, 2008.

  1. moon_flower

    moon_flower Banned

    My mom lives in NY now and she only comes in once a month, so I can't get the help from her I need.
    Alexis just refuses to use the potty. She'll play with it and put other things in it, but when I try to sit her on the potty, she screams like she's being murdered. I don't want to rush her and make her afraid of it or something.
    I bought her some panties and let her pick them out....I let her wear them and she just goes in them like a diaper.
    (She's almost 18 months, for the record)
    Is she behind or is what she's doing normal?
  2. SucculentFlower

    SucculentFlower earthfirst!

    Well I think maybe you are jumping the gun a little bit, physiologically speaking her muscles in her sphincter have no control or tone yet, so she goes when her colon fills up. Sphincter control starts around 2 & 1/2 to 3 years. There are lots of kids that get a handle on it way before that, and I don't know how. But it's the pee part that gets handled first.

    My son ( and girls potty training is different for sure) is a slow to train up in the potty department. We've had a move to Hawai'i and situations when the routine was different... stablity and routine are key to connecting to the awareness of the body's functions I think. Traveling led us to regress a little bit.

    We didn't even get a potty till about 2, and we let him just hang out with it. But one thing I know that helps a lot is having her go with you when you do your thing on the big potty. Every time.

    My husband does that with my son ( same sex ) then it's a normal event. Shows them how. THen, when she does do anything (like even sitting on the potty, make it a big deal... like yay! it's a potty party.)

    Some folks put in chocolate covered raisens to mimic a poop. Then she sees it and might make the connection.

    Some higher functioning kiddos respond to the: when you are ready to leave the diapers behind and go on the potty I'll bake you a cake and we'll have a potty party and invite your friends and we'll say good bye to diapers.

    My son & I have had a lot of ups and downs. Sometimes he's really together with it and recognizes the urge to go and makes a bee line to the potty and other times he's doing it in his pants and doesn't care.

    I'm not heavy on him when he has the potty accidents, I just remind him in a neutral way that we use the potty not our pants, I next time try to remember to use the potty , yadda, yadda , yadda.It takes a lot of reminding and remembering to ask them, do yo have to go? And also like do a rally call or dance : yay it's time to go to the potty! Uh huh, let's go yay let's go.. o yeah! hoot hoot! that kind of thing. Like it's the bestest, funist thing to do.

    Last night was the first night we went through the night without any diaper. I got him up 2 times during the night and once early in the morning. No wet bed HURRAY!

    I've learned that no matter how sleepy or tired or whatever is going on, I put him on the pot FIRST thing upon raising. We are still sleepy and we sit together and read a story or what ever. It works. Then depending on the day and time it is sometimes we go back to bed, or get on with the day.

    He's 3 1/2 now, and it's been a long road to the potty all the time thing. Some set backs, some baby steps. But he's getting there. Now the motivator is that if he can use the potty all the time (no wetting or pooping in the pants) he's going to be able to go to school like the other big boys.

    I know that sometimes some kids have anxiety about pooping on the potty. I've knon mostly girls that sometimes express anxiety about "letting it go" and I'm thinking that there is a video out there ( I can't remember the name, but I'll ask at play group this wednesday) that worked for my friend's girl. She was older though ( I think she was 3 1/2 and resisiting the potty)

    I think that maybe you are jumping at the bit. But there is some schools of thought and some training that gets kids even at infancy. I'm not up on them, but I think some Mommas here may be.
  3. barefoot_kirstyn

    barefoot_kirstyn belly flop

    I wouldn't rush it at all at this point.
    Leane is 2 1/2 and we're still working on it. I'm going to start getting alittle more strickt with it now...she'll sit on the potty for a minute, get off, wipe and flush...she's just missing the pee/poop part. I decided I'm going to leave her diaper off so she just has no choice. She hates not having a daiper on, so I'm hoping it'll work.
    So ya, some kids get the hang of it real fast and others not so much.
    I would invite her into the bathroom with you whenever you go, and say you're going pee. Then when you change her, say that she went pee. Connect the dots for her sorta thing. Also, leave the potty where she can experiment with it. If she's showing intrest in it, ask if she needs to go.
  4. moon_flower

    moon_flower Banned

    I leave the door open when I use the bathroom. She HAS to be in there with me or she throws a fit.
    She knows what poopy is because when she does them, she lets me know. She says 'Me poopy'.
    I do leave her potty out. It's been in the living room since Christmas (her gramma bought one for her). I was thinking about getting that talking potty seat they have at Wal-Mart.
    Thanks for your replies.
  5. Dakota's Mom

    Dakota's Mom Senior Member

    We got our potty when Dakota was about 18 months old. It was just there. He sat on it sometimes when I was in the bathroom. (And yes, I have not been to the bathroom by myself since he became mobile and he's 5.5 now.) When he got closer to 2 I started taking his pants off and letting him sit on the potty. No pressure, just sit for a while. On his second birthday the daytime diapers went away and he started wearing cloth underwear. The first week we went potty every 15 minutes or so. No pressure, just stop what we're doing and go potty. Within 3 months he was dry in the daytime. He still held his poops until after his bedtime diaper went on. Fifteen minutes after that diaper went on, he was poopy. I finally learned that Nemo lives in any body of water and you can't poop on Nemo so you have to do it in your diaper. Once I explained that Nemo does not live in the potty he was fine to poop in it. We've had very few accidents since then. Shortly before his third birthday he decided he did not want to wear diapers at night any more. I think he has had a nighttime accident maybe twice since then. No pressure, just let things happen. We also did stickers for using the potty and double stickers for pooping in the potty. My whole house was covered with stickers for a while.

  6. jgirl

    jgirl Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    She's too young!! I regretted that I started potty training my son too young...and he was almost 2-1/2, it ended up taking a whole year! Kids will do it when they are ready and putting any stress on them willl only delay the process. I personally do not think I'll try to attempt to train until she is 3 years old. My son was peeing in the potty since he was 18 months old...meant nothing...he didn't train until 3-1/2. Let her be a baby. BTW, my baby is 17 months old...I wouldn't even consider buying a potty for her yet....she can't even walk LOL.
  7. jestelle

    jestelle Member

    if you want to introduce the potty now you might want to check out more info on elimination communication. i know it's something that's normally started at a very early age but you may find some good pointers that you can use at this point!

  8. ladydragon282

    ladydragon282 Member

    I started with my daughter when she was two, but she adamantly refused to poop in the potty. With my boys, well, the tantrums you are experiencing were much the norm at poop time. They didn't mind peeing in the toilet, and did so very well from about two and a half years old on, but pooping, sheesh. Screamed like we were killing them, for the entire time they were there, until they pooped. Then they were fine. Once they started to go, all was once again right with the world. I would just patiently sit there and hold them, kind of like hugs while going potty, and when they just couldn't hold it anymore they would go and realize that it was silly to have been so upset. I spoke with my pediatrician about it, and he said it had something to do with them not feeling secure while seated on the big potty, but I am not sure if that was the case or not. But, they both patently refused the little potty once they actually started to potty in the bathroom.

    My suggestions is to be patient, and always stay supportive. Perhaps she just needs a bit longer to get used to it, or to be ready for it. Leaving the option there for her is a great thing as well. Good luck, and don't worry too much, she isn't behind at all. :)
  9. My kids were just around 3 years old when they got the hang of it, so I wouldn't worry about it at all, she's still very young. My MIL brags about how she had my husband potty trained at 12 months old( even though I don't fully believe it), but all kids are different. My kids are the same age (twins), but my daughter was ready to train at least 6 months before my son was. Mentality wise, he acts at least 6 to 9 months younger than she does, I don't know if this is a boy/girl difference or if it's like this with all kids.

    My advice to you is to keep trying with her, but if she doesn't seem ready, then just wait a little longer and then try again. I originally started to train my daughter when she was 18 months old, but I realized that she was no where near ready at the time. When I felt like she was ready I tried again, but then she kept having accidents several times a day ( even when she was standing right beside the little portable potty) so I put her back in diapers and waited 2 weeks and then started up again. I had to do this 2 times before she was trained, and now she's been accident free ever since. I don't think she liked the idea of being back in "baby diapers". The other thing is that I let her run around the house with no pants for a couple of weeks so that she wouldn't keep wetting in her big girl undies, that seemed to help a lot too because she felt like she HAD to use the potty instead of just peeing on the floor.

    I hope you find something that works for you, because I know how stressful the whole potty training can be. :)
  10. FallenFairy

    FallenFairy Senior Member

    Consistancy is key. i started aiden when he was 18 months or so. I introduced him to the potty. I would invite him in when i went to the bathroom or i would leave the door open and explain what i was doing. then when i was done i would ask him if he wanted to try and go. I would sit him on the potty and explain to push the pee or poo out after a week he learned how to poo inthe potty (woohoo no more poopy diapers). I would take him to the bathroom every hour or so to see if he could go pee and as i was making progress i got pregnant and there were many difficulties so i could not bend or pick up anything over a few pounds so the consistancy stopped and all the progress we made was lost . after i had my son i potty trained him reall quick i put aiden in underwear that he picked out and over a 5 day period he figured out how to use the potty. sure there were ALOT of accidents but thats ok it happens. he was 2 when he was officially potty trained.
  11. ohmmama

    ohmmama Member

    its normal but your right, be very careful about making the potty a bad experience! here is my suggestion get potty treats(things that have worked for me in the past include, stickers or little toys in plastic easter eggs, an application of lipstick, candy or gum etc.) everytime she sits on the potty give her a treat. when she starts going in it, take all daipers away including pull ups and nightime. then clean up the messes til she gets it. works everytime if u keep it positive. play games or read or sing on the potty if u have to

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