I Love My Wife, But We're Sexually Incompatible

My wife and I have been together for four years, and for the first three, we had sex almost every day. We couldn't keep our hands off of each other. The longest break we took was the one month after our son was born, because the doctor says you should wait a month after birth so that she can heal. Let me be clear: most people seem to think that giving birth makes a woman less desirable, and that's just not the case with her. She is still absolutely beautiful...the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. However...a little over a year ago, things started slowing down. I'm not really sure what happened, but...my libido just sort of evaporated. I started thinking about sex less and less, until I realized one day it had been a couple of weeks since we'd had sex last. Things haven't improved. I can't help but feel like it's almost entirely my fault, but I don't control my sex drive...I just...don't care about sex anymore. And it's not just my wife or anything, I don't think about other women or anything like that. I don't really masturbate anymore either...I used to almost as much as I had sex. Now, it's about the same still, but I only masturbate or have sex once or twice a month. I simply don't care about it anymore, and I don't know what happened.

There's one thing that makes it even worse, and that's that my wife's libido has remained unchanged. She's resorted to reading erotic fiction and visiting sex forums and stuff because she still thinks about it a lot. It's hard for both of us to talk about this stuff, because we're both very introverted people, and although we are very comfortable with each other, it's just...difficult. What's worse is that she recently discovered that she's into BDSM, so much so that she's been a very active member of a huge fetish forum, where she discusses her fantasies and sexual interests with strangers. It makes me very uncomfortable, but I trust her not to actually go out and cheat or anything...she's not like that at all. I doubt she'd be able to even if she wanted to, due to social anxiety and introversion, so that's not a problem. It just bothers me that other people are hearing about this stuff and I'm not, but I also can't blame her, because I've been completely useless to talk to. And we've come full circle. The thing is, I took a BDSM personality test, and discovered that I am quite submissive....but so is my wife. Everything seems to have flipped upside-down over the course of the last year, and I'm so confused. I just don't know what to do.

 

There are two ways you can live your life, the first one is very common, you stay inside your comfort zone, a superficial intellectual reality, with this option eventually every element in your life will become a problem.
The second option which is very rare, you can challenge your psychological, emotional and physical limitations, you can transform your deepest fears, you can live honestly intensely and sincerely, this option will transform every element in your life, you will gain maturity, wisdom, freedom, peace, and fulfilment. Finding someone that can teach you this will be difficult.

 

It is easy to say, but much harder to do, but you have got to get over yourself and step up. I don't mean that in a bad way either. Having a child is difficult. Many issues result from it. However she seems like she is dealing with it much better than you. Do the doctor thing, make sure you do not have low Testosterone and all that just to rule physical things out. Then, get to work on the woman you call the most beautiful woman you have ever laid eyes on. Keep that in mind. Push yourself to become a partner for her. The whole introverted part between the two of you has to be addressed as well. If she is into BDSM and you know it, one of you is a bit less introverted than the other. Good luck.

 

My wife & I are basically (as the saying goes) like chalk & cheese when it comes to sex. I'm the modern age type- she's old school basic acts. Oral sex is forbidden by her & at times it seems I made the wrong choice in having her as my sexual partner. I'm too adventurous in bed for her.