I Know he does

Question for the wife/girlfriend. All guys masturbate, it's something we do. My question is, did your husband/boyfriend keep it a secret from you until you caught him? How did it come out and what happened when it came out that he masturbates? If it is not in the open, does he know that you know when and how often he masturbates? Last question, how can you tell if he masturbated?

My wife caught me masturbating. Big blow-up but now she knows I still do it, but does not talk about it. Every once and a while I get an evil eye with, "What did you do today?"

 

May I ask the reason you masturbate?
Feel the need even though you have sex
Because you don’t have sex
Different libido
Whatever the reason. Just for knowledge value
In my case it was a massive loss of desire for sex at home for a few reasons

 

I am high libido, she is very low libido. Sex is once every three to four months with a few BJ to keep me from pestering her for sex. I prefer to have sex with her, BJ's help to curb the desire but even that is maybe once every few weeks and I do not have any desire to cheat on her.

 

Why was there a blow up about it? Everyone does it.

 

No. I'm just tired of being in a sexless marriage. Wondering how other couples deal with this?

 

I think if you read through many of these postings, most couples are exactly the same - it's such a common theme - ok, so your libido has gone down the drain, I'm not supposed to have one? What do you think I am doing?? Of course I'm masturbating - it's not something that we grow out of dear.....

 

All guys don't masturbate.
All women don't masturbate



Some people masturbate.


There's absolutely nothing wrong with masturbating.

No matter how often you do it.


If you're feeling good about it and it isn't effecting your fDailyunctionality and responsibilities

 

Dont worry about changing it or yourself


Your wife can either accept it or leave.

 

My answers are (from the husbands side):
did your husband/boyfriend keep it a secret from you until you caught him? I admitted to it after she wanted to have sex one evening years ago when we were still dating. Actually it was nearly every time we got together we'd end up in bed with cock in pussy. This one night I had picked up a Penthouse and read some of the letters. There was too much stress building and I took care of it.

How did it come out and what happened when it came out that he masturbates? It came out because I wasn't sure I could get it up in order to fuck her once we got to the bedroom. I told her to not be surprised if I didn't get an erection because. Not to be deterred she started oral. We then went 69 and she got off. I didn't that night. But for the next few weeks it was cum in pussy, not tissue.

If it is not in the open, does he know that you know when and how often he masturbates? Well, it's out in the open and has been for years. We used to masturbate jointly and separately. She has known for years that I do just not each and every time. BTW, we've bought toys for each other over the years to help us masturbate.

Last question, how can you tell if he masturbated? She has looked at me and knew. I asked one time how she could tell. She said I always have some dried semen on my cockhead.

 

Many men grow up in an atmosphere masturbation is a "sin" or "dirty" so they have to hide it. This cannot easily be corrected especially when a spouse will not calmly talk with compassion and empathy. This couple sounds like it has more problems than masturbation such as trust and control issues. These need to be dealt with in order for the relationship to last.

 

You are right. She has trust issues and control issues. Control is the worst. If anything is not exactly what she wants, I am wrong, a pervert, over sexed or don't understand; and she refuses to talk about anything sexual. We do a lot of things together, but she has turned us into friends without very limited benefits.

 

I openly masturbate in my wife's presence but kept it hidden from my first wife. My present wife thinks it's sexy, while my first wife freaked out when she walked in on me just as I busted my nut.

 

my first wife we used to do it together. she would watch me and I would watch. sometimes we would do each other together at the same time and the there is always 69

 

I haven't dealt with it personally. But if it were me I would explain that if she doesn't like sex or masturbating, that's fine, but I'm going to enjoy both because that's what I want to do. And honestly I would fuck other women. If she doesn't like it she can bend over. Sounds harsh but life is short.

 

I'll never understand people that get upset about their spouse masturbating. EVERYONE masturbates. So join in or leave me alone.
My wife knows I jerk off, I know she rubs one out. We are OK with it

 

Me and My Fiance openly talk about it. She choses to keep it private for herself. I could do it anywhere anytime and feel fine with it.

 

My question is, did your husband/boyfriend keep it a secret from you until you caught him?
Yes, he never wanted me to know. He said it was embarrassing.

How did it come out and what happened when it came out that he masturbates?
I didn't care that he masturbated, I wanted him to be open about it but he wouldn't. I did feel hurt from the porn he watched because of my own insecurities, I felt like if he needed porn to masturbate to instead of imagining me, that he wasn't attracted to me anymore, especially since none of the women resembled me at all. I tried to get him to watch it with me but again he was too embarrassed to do it more than a couple times.

If it is not in the open, does he know that you know when and how often he masturbates?
Only when I would tell him that I knew.

Last question, how can you tell if he masturbated?
Eventually, I told him how I knew...and then he found a way to hide it. Same with how I knew what porn he watched, he wanted to know how I found out and once I told him he hid it better.

Even if she "knows" its not the same as you telling her.
The thing about all this is, that keeping it a secret makes her more insecure about it. It gives her something to worry about because she knows you're lying about something and her mind will start making up scenarios as to what that is. Even if she knows that it is masturbation that is being hidden, she will wonder if there are other things too. Even if she doesn't agree with your choice to masturbate you should still be honest about it, otherwise it just erodes the trust in your relationship. That can also be said for all lies of any kind. Sometimes it isn't the big things that destroy relationships but an accumulation of a lot of little things.

She feels the need to control things because of the trust issues, hiding things or lying will only make it worse. Even if she doesn't want to talk about it, you could just casually say, "I'm going in the bedroom to masturbate," (use any term you're comfortable with) and just walk away. Take the taboo out of it. You don't have to hide and she doesn't feel the need to "catch" you. Who knows, maybe she would even want to watch at some point and that could start getting you out of the friend zone, especially if you let her know that it is her you're fantasizing about.

 

I am with you man. In the same situation. However, my wife knows I jack/edge and only focus on her. I don't use porn and refuse to cheat on her. We have a great marriage with the exception of our sex life. I believe my mother in law instilled a lot of shame and guilt in my wife and her sisters about sex. I have always had an extremely high drive for sex (jacked 12 times in one day when I was 16) while hers is much lower. We used to have sex at least once a week for years. She tried really hard and sex was good. However, when the kids got older and then menopause hit her drive really cratered. She refuses to seek counseling (we have been to a counselor 3 times over the years about her sexual struggles0. We have gone to marriage seminars where they have talked about the husband's need for sex. I have always done tons of stuff for her to meet her needs (did the His needs Her needs course as well). I know she loves me but struggles internally. She knows I jack and edge and has no issue with it. Hang in there, man. I think there are lots of marriages like ours. Stay faithful.

 

Trust me, most marriages > 50 are like this...

 

My wife loves watching me edge (prolonged masturbation) and it is something we do together. She knows I love edging.