I just can't seem to get over partners "high number"

It is a little bit about hers being high but yeah you're right it's mainly about mine being low. I need to work on that!!!!!!

 

It certainly wouldnt hurt!

 

^ come on guys!

I'm in your exact situation except it's only been 8 months with me and my gf. My numbers are low and I'd by lying if I said this didn't get to me but FFS you have found someone you love! Does this desire seem at all pety/pathetic to you? If you left her to shag other girls would you miss her? If you shagged other girls without telling her would the guilt swallow you? Would you be ok with going poly and her shagging other guys?

Ask yourself these questions before you think of busting a nut in another girl and if your answers lead you towards the other girls then maybe re think the whole relationship.

 

it might help if you could identify your reasons more precisely

if she has only been with one other person, then would you be happy?

is it just about competing?

if it's a competition thing, or feeling like she's got one up on you, maybe you could just demand to be more dominant with her in bed, get her to do more favors for you

 

Don't ever ask for "the number" approximate or not. That was your first mistake. This number thing, the fact that it bothers you, it's because you've been socially engineered/manipulated into thinking that it somehow matters. It doesn't. It's literally the same thing as someone having ass fat injected into their lips - you look like an idiot for caring about how puffy your lips look, you look like an idiot for having artificially ass fat inflated lips, and you live the rest of your life with ass fat in your lips - which makes you an idiot. Don't be an idiot simply because you've been socially engineered to be an idiot. Having sex with 20 different people doesn't make you more experienced with sex. Having good sex with three people is far more valuable.

 

If I left her would I miss her - certainly!
Would I be pissed if she went off with other guys - yes. If the shoe were on the other foot however and I had been with 20+ and she 3 then, no, I wouldn't be over the moon about it, but, I would let her for the sake of us as a couple.
If I shagged other girls would the guilt eat me up - quite possibly yes. That's why I was thinking of asking her permission. Just coming right on out with " I plan on spending the rest of my life with you, but before I do I want to get this out of my system" type thing.
If she had only been with 1 other person then no, I don't think I would have a problem. I'm not saying that I'm being perfectly fair, its just how I feel. I really want the relationship to work. It is working, and has been doing for years. BUT this has been on my mind for too long now and I need to do something/deal with it in some way.

 

I know!!!!

 

This is very valuable advice right here

 

This will rip her apart.

If anybody had said that to me, I wouldn't understand.

Sometimes our partners past can hurt us a little, I know my husband as had a sexual encounter that rubs me the wrong way every now and then. But I fight it push it back and say to myself it was a long time ago, and I'm the one who's with him now.

 

Dude, come on. It's meaningless. It means nothing. It bears no relevance on anything in reality - except a slightly higher STD risk, which I'm sure you've already covered. If you want to achieve some fucking "number" then break up with her and go slut around for a few years and catch up. I'd be very surprised if she doesn't punch you right in the eye for suggesting that she stand by why you catch up - but hey wtf do I know. I do know that when I'm really in "love" (urp) with a woman, I sincerely have no desire to fuck anyone else. It's not a respect thing, it's not a "because I don't want to hurt her" thing (although I don't, obviously), it's a "I'm not interested in fucking anyone else because all I can think about is fucking - excuse me - making love to you" thing. I feel sorry for anyone who hasn't felt that way about at least one person in their life. This is why I'm suspicious of the "open" relationship thing - but again wtf do I know, maybe I'm just one of those weird fuckers who is wired for monogamy.

 

Oh humans and their disgusting egos.

 

If you're not going to contribute anything constructive then please don't bother. This thread has helped me out with something I've had on my mind for a while and I appreciate everybody's feedback.

I think maybe if I had brought this all up with her when we first started going out it wouldn't be so much of a problem, but now it might all upset her too much.

Oh well looks like I'll just have to find a way of getting over it.

 

I think that your ego is your destroyer, and the destroyer of many men. You can't stand the fact that she's had more sexual partners than you.

To be honest, I think it's funny. Get over it dude, it's nothing.. not even worth this topic.

 

In the five years you have been living with her how many other people has she been with? If you think she is "the one" why would you want to lose her over this issue?

 

Yup I suffered from a similar thing in one of my first relationships, although I would never be gracious enough to allow any girl I was with to go "get her numbers up" .. It did drive a wedge between us though.

I think your whole post makes sense, but it is very obvious that you are not a man.

Thing is, if you do go out and sleep with 50 girls, you're just going to realize how pointless (and eventually, boring) it is to have sex with randoms. But if you don't, I'm betting this will keep bugging you and prevent you from making a real emotional commitment to your gf. At least, that's what happened to me.

If she is open minded enough to let you, then I'd say go out and have sex with other girls until it dawns on you how silly it all is. You'll be much more at ease. And likely you will also feel stupid for risking a worthwhile relationship over something so trivial..

 

I would strongly disagree with this opinion. :sunny:

 

Exactly. And this is why the ego is so stupid, I wish everyone could try and get their minds past it.

 

This, exactly. Its not about how you should feel, its how you do feel. I remember when I had only fucked a handful of girls I felt the same way. Sure its pointless to fuck tons of girls, but thats not a lesson anyone can teach you. You have to learn it yourself.

 

If it's not worth it then kindly do one and stop posting on here. :devil: I don't find it funny, I'm actually quite upset/distressed by it all so please go away and let me have a conversation with others who have been very helpful sharing their opinions!!!

 

Thanks Jimmy P :2thumbsup: , I'm sure I would feel exactly like this but like you said until then it's going to bug me! It probably is a trivial thing to most people and hopefully one day it will be to me!