I honestly can’t cope anymore, I need to talk about this

This is going to be long, so apologies.


My parents have always been dysfunctional and pathological liars. They have been shit with money their whole lives and as a result, can’t afford to live on their pensions and had to sell their house here in the U.K. which was near their children and grandchildren and move to another country (that we do have connections to/ family in) to free some cash up for them to live on. It was totally out of the blue the move and the reasons they gave were that they wanted a change, they could get a much bigger, nicer property in this country and that they were struggling to live on their pensions (due to shit financial decisions their whole lives) and needed to free up some cash. So that’s what they did at the beginning of the year. Myself and my sibling begged them not to go, I said how would they get access to healthcare, my dad’s in poor health and needs it etc. I was told I was being stupid and to stop worrying.


They bought a house (after 2 months of searching when they had effectively made themselves homeless by selling/ moving out of theirs before they’d actually even gone to this country and looked at properties. In that time they were having to live with family in this other country and myself and my sibling when they were back in the U.K, which was frequently!) The house they bought needed doing up and a lot of work done to it, it had been sitting empty for 10 years and the electricity had been cut off. They moved in in June and STILL don’t have electricity. They say that it’s the electricity board that is holding everything up, then the next story is that the house actually needs to be re-wired, the latest story is that it doesn’t need to be re wired, the electrician was trying to rip them off so some guy has come round to do some stuff to it and it should only be another couple few weeks, blah blah. In the meantime they have no heating, can’t charge their phones, have a hot shower etc. The situation is ridiculous, they say it takes 4-5 months in this country to get electricity switched back on if the property has been vacant a long time. We’ve done some research into this and that’s BS. More lies.


Since they ‘moved’ to this country in April, they haven’t spent more than 3 consecutive weeks there without coming back to the U.K. for about 10 days at a time. They find various excuses to keep coming back every couple of weeks. Great you’re all probably thinking, you didn’t want them to go in the first place? Except for pretty much that entire time they have been staying with us. Half the time they wouldn’t even ask, they’d just say ‘We’re coming over on Tuesday for a week, hope that’s okay.’ My husband has now had enough. He’s said no more. He doesn’t mind them staying for a few days every couple of months but no more frequent than that and I can’t blame him. Who would want to have their in laws constantly coming to stay all the time?! His reasoning is, they chose to move to this country, so they have to live there. Not just keep on living here at everyone else’s expense.


I told them this a couple of months ago, it was awkward but I’d had enough too. So since then, they’re still been coming back pretty much as frequently and for as long, but staying with my sibling a couple of nights and then the rest of the time they pay to stay in hotels. They are literally haemorrhaging through their left over money on the house sale at an alarming rate on ferries back and forth to the U.K. as they won’t fly as they like to have the car for when they’re over here, and now they’re paying out for hotels too.


Healthcare- You can get access to free medical care in this country, you have to apply for a health card and so long as you’re below the income threshold you’ll get it. You may not be entitled to ALL of it if you’re above the threshold but the minimum pretty much is free GP visits and some prescriptions. My dad was adamant that they wouldn’t be eligible for health cards. I said well you can’t live in a country where you have no health care so you’ll have to apply. I see no reason why not. I said they can’t rely on the NHS over here as if anything were to go really wrong (likely with my dad’s health) he may be too ill to travel back to England for health care and not just that, where are they going to live if one of them needed long term health care over here? After having a row my mum promised me they’d be applying for health cards. She then told me on the phone a week later that they’d applied for them.


My mum also told me that she knew they couldn’t keep coming back over to the U.K. every 5 mins and that it was my dad who was always insisting on it, she knew he didn’t really want to be in this other country and kept finding excuses to come back. He won’t do anything without my mum so I said she had to stand firm next time he suggested they come back and say no, he can go but she would be staying put. She promised she would.


My dad has now gotten some bad blood test results back from a GP appointment he had over here a couple of weeks ago when they were last over. I spoke to her on Sunday and she admitted they were coming back to the U.K. tomorrow so he could see the dr and staying for a week with some friends. That’s all lies, they’ll be getting a bnb/ hotel again and lying about it. I said surely their medical cards must have come through by now?! She said no. I just knew she was lying, I had a feeling that they’ve never even been applied for. I’ve just googled it and it says the average wait time for a medical card from application in this country is 14 days. It says it may take a little longer if there is some information missing. They supposedly applied for these medical cards about 6 weeks ago now and every time I broach the subject with my mum she tells me they haven’t heard anything back yet. Complete BS. Even if they needed additional information they’d have been in contact to ask for that and she’s saying they’ve not heard anything at all. They’ve lied to me again.


Today I’m just at breaking point. I’ve got the stress of my dad being ill, potentially life threatening, knowing they’ve got no electricity STILL in their house after 5 months and STILL haven’t got access to medical care. I know that this continuous state of them coming over every 3 weeks and pissing all their money away on ferries and hotels is just going to continue. They won’t be honest about whether they’ve made a mistake moving and whether they actually need to just get the electricity sorted, put that house back up for sale (they have done it up quite a bit so it should be worth a bit more than what they paid for it) and move back here, even if it means them living in a 1 bed flat somewhere. That’s if they could even afford that, I have no idea what they can afford because they’re always so cagey about their finances.


I feel an enormous sense of guilt that I can’t offer them to live with me (we do have the room) and just alleviate all this (my sibling hasn’t got the room to accommodate them long term) but it’s my husband’s house too and he just wouldn’t have it and I don’t blame him. They’re only in their 60’s, it would mean them living with us forever more.


My relationship with them is so damaged now, it has been for years really as at times they were really shit parents growing up and now I’m 30 and contemplating children of my own, I’m beginning to see how crap they were at times and am so resentful.


My dad’s barely speaking to me due to it all and my mum isn’t really either. I have no idea when they’re due to arrive in the U.K. tomorrow or when my dad is due medical appointments etc.


I just can’t see where this is going to end. They just don’t seem to care about how they live their life and the impact it has on others. They can’t and won’t stop lying and get aggressive and tell me to pretty much F off if challenged on it.


I’m so worried about what’s going to happen to them long term, I’m worried they’ll end up homeless. I’m worried my dad will get really Ill and they’re literally living in the middle of nowhere, in another country in a house that at the moment has no electricity. I feel like they’re angry and resentful towards me as they feel we’ve got lots of room and should just accommodate them.


I’m not sure what I’m expecting from posting this. I’m just so exhausted with it all, none of my friends etc know the full extent of what’s going on, I get asked weekly by people all cheerily ‘How are your parents getting on?’ And having to smile and say ‘yes, fine’ is just getting harder and harder. No one understands why they’ve moved over there, everyone thinks it’s odd but I’m too embarrassed to tell them it’s because they literally can’t afford to live here anymore.

 

So its possibly France or Spain your talking about?
I feel I want to shout at you.. all you go on about is money money money!
And to let your husband say no to your parents stay with you!! You need get rid of him... why?
They are your parents.. ok you have a thing about your mum! But so what.. I hope any children you have dont make you feel alone once they have grown.. or there is one sibling telling the other to neglect you
I also hope they spend every penny they have before they die!
Your a selfish bitch being run by a selfish husband.. I'm glad your not my kids!

 

Ps the time will come when you will seriously miss your parents.. and there wont be a single thing you can do.. your pain will suffocate you at times.. I hope the regret doesnt kill you!

 

You think they lie...
I think that you are the problem.
Move out of their house and get a life.
Get yourself tested for narcissistic personality disorder. It seems to show up in spades in here with you.

 

can you even read? You might want to read his post again before you go making stupid comments this is the second person you accuse today of being narcissistic is that your word of the day?

 

OP.... try supporting your parents decisions and stop giving reasons why they are so wrong let them live their life everybody will be happier

 

You want to know why you are on my ignore list, dumbarse?
Your abuse. Now fuck off.

 

author, are you still here?
we do not owe anything to our parents (by law), but humanly, I think, we need to find a compromise - to combine efforts, to rent a house together. This will reduce the cost.
You are only 30 years old, you have many opportunities ahead, do not be discouraged! everything will be fine.