I have trouble staying happy

Yeah. The last year/year and a half of my life - I've had trouble staying genuinly "happy" for more than a couple days. Today is the 1st anniversary of my Grandmother's death, a month ago was the 6th anniversay of my mom's death, and October was the 7th anniversary of my uncle Mark's death. Now yeah, my uncle Mark did die when I was fairly young, but he has always been an inspiration to me, as have my own mother and grandmother.
These past few weeks I sit here remembering how my last Xmas went. I find my Grandmother half dead on her kicthen floor at 10pm on Xmas eve, and I sit with her until the day she dies... Including my birthday and Xmas. And what is today? The day my grandmother always celebrated Christmas, January 7th. Ironic she passed on the day most Eastern Europeans celebrate Christmas? (We're Ukrainian) Hmm.

I also have so many other things in my life - I have troubles with my dad, and I have a SEVERE trouble staying motivated in life. My grades are terrible, and the only thing I can seem to do is sit around and talk to people; and sit around and play my sax. They're the only two things that keep me happy.

And can I do out now and do anything? Not now, anyway. Right now my back hurts so much I can barely be on my feet for more than 20 minutes. That drives me insane. I've always been a real active person, happiest when I'm out in the world doing crazy random things and sharing my music. Sitting here all the time doesn't really help me out too much.

I have such a love for life, I love this beautiful world, but right now ALL I really need in life is a little break. I haven't caught a little break in years and years; I just want something positive to happen. Maybe have a little luck. That is something taht would boost my confidence and happiness so much right now, give me a little more hope that the things I'm seein right now are temporary.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not some manic depressive, I've had lots and lots of great times these past years. But I see all these difficult and horrible things going on around me and it just pains me to my bones. It makes me feel like I'm 15 going on 50 sometimes. Would it be so bad for something positive and wonderful to happen instead of all this negitivity I've seen these past years?

Thanks for listening, I apoligize for ranting so much when that seems to be all I do lately, right now I'm sitting here alone in silence and things just seemed to be piling up and I needed to get some things off my chest... Thanks again

 

You have nothing to apologize for. You have been through a whole world of hurt and it's okay to feel sad and mourn those you love. I'm sorry to hear of your back pain. What works for me are long hot baths illuminated by candlelight.
We never forget those we love but I can tell you that perspective will change and it won't hurt so terribly much. This comes only with time.
I will light my new candle for you so that light and luck will find you. I lost many who I love too and find solace in my harp when I feel down. I like to think the creative spirit heals and have found it to be true.
You are not alone.
Lots of tight warm hugs and love.
Feel free to PM me at anytime or ping me on Yahoo.

 

Shame about the back, i hope it gets better. Death sucks. Life kicksass.

 

im very unhappy too-- sometimes I go in my room and snuggle in my bed and try to make myself fall asleep forever

 

Worth it. Please read.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A...86/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/103-6955752-3172630