i have a problem and i don;t know what to do..

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by xbabiiqurlx, Jan 27, 2005.

  1. xbabiiqurlx

    xbabiiqurlx Member

    hey everyonethis is my first time posting on here so i;m not really sure what to write .. but i have a really big problem .. i met this guy . and he seems PERFECT . but the only problem is he;s 1O years older than me .. and i don;t know what to do . he told one of my really good friends that he has feelings for me too but it;s hard cause of the age thing . we talked about it and i don;t know what;s going on . i;ve asked a few of my friends what they thought i should do and got a lot of different answers .. so what should i do? any advice would be great . i;ve been hurt a lot in the past and i don;t want to get hurt again .. help me please !
     
  2. kindwoman

    kindwoman Sista Golden Hair

    I don't see anything wrong with dating a guy who's 10 years older than you, I dated a guy that was 17 years older than me. Your parents might freak, but who cares, parents freak about a lot of stuff. I'd go for & see what happens! Let me know how it goes!
     
  3. leighcushing

    leighcushing Member

    just be carefull your parents dont nail him on rape charges since you're under 18
     
  4. PurplePixie

    PurplePixie Member

    Ten years is not a big diff if it's 30 and 40 but 16 and 26 are worlds of life experience apart. I'm 21 and I cannot imagine being able to relate in a romantic relationship to someone 5 years younger than me. The scales will most likely be very unbalanced in this type of relationship as high school and college or the work world are very different experiences. You are smart to go slow. You might want to ask yourself why he is persuing a relationship with someone so much younger than himself instead of someone from his social circle. (not that I'm trying to diss you but some guys go out of their way to find high school girlfriends for one reason: the are less experienced, more easily manipulated, and part of the whole "schoolgirl" fantasy) I'm not against dating older guys. My boyfriend is 6 years older than me. I was 18 and he was 24 when we met but I had been in university for a year, worked, etc so we had similar lives. Don't know your particular situation or this guy's but I'm betting that you are leading very different lives right now... not good ground to start on. Proceed if you must but be careful!
     
  5. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

    Approach with caution.

    I'd be pretty worried about it. I mean, why is a 26yearold interested in a 16yo anyways? Because he finds it difficult to date women closer to his age? immaturity issues? possibly semi-pedophile thoughts? (not young kids, but not adult women yet). Hard to say, it really depends on the guy

    anywho, if you -really- want to persue it, go very very slowly. Don't hop into bed with him for a good long time. Make sure he respects you as a woman.

    Like others have mentioned, you're going to be in -very- different places in life right now. I can't imagine dating a 16 year old at my age (male or female). I just broke up with a 26 year old a few months ago, because we were in such different places (my being in univ, he was working fulltime), which caused a lot of schedule conflicts along with a host of other issues that played into it.

    well, good luck with men in general hon.
     
  6. peacelovebarefeet

    peacelovebarefeet BuRniN oNe...

    GO FOR IT!!

    you only live once ya know!
     
  7. Juggalo4ever

    Juggalo4ever KingoftheChubbyGirls

    Theres no need to bring me into this
     
  8. Disarm

    Disarm Member

    I know guys around here who'd go for 14 year olds, with a 10 year age gap.. What do I know about them.. there are a few kinds..

    -The kind that have a vague job, dropped out of high school or finished but didn't go further, hang around with quite a few younger people (always seem to be doing something) and don't necessarily get into trouble but aren't the ones your mum would want you to be around..some smoke a bit of weed..

    -The kind that have a good relationship with their mother, have a fast car an ok job but no direction whatsoever, to a neutral onlooker, they're a 13 year old boy who's grown up into his dream person- nice car, can get young girls etc.. Like sex a lot. Keep away from at all costs, they're losers. My boyfriends brother is one. I know what they talk about when their girlfriend isnt around.

    - The lonely quiet type that are amazed and so happy that someone likes them. Don't necessarily have many friends but that's because theyre probably a bit shy and don't get out too much. Real sweeties and will love you to bits. May not have had sex for a while and may be immature once they can get it, but otherwise I think theyre one of the nicest types of bfs a girl can get

    So categorise him and choose :p it depends on a lot of things but some guys like young girls for all the wrong reasons. Be very careful and DON'T HAVE SEX till you're sure he's not in it for that. If he keeps trying to have sex with you dump him.. I'm not saying abstain forever or anything like that but just make sure he's not just trying to have sex with you all the time..if he is, as a 26 year old, keep away from the guy..try not to get hurt!! good luck!!
     
  9. Co0kiezGurl

    Co0kiezGurl Banned

    I agree completely with everyone who mentioned to GO SLOW with this if you REALLY want to pursue it. I'm 22, and I'm COMPLETELY different now than I was at 16...I can't even begin to imagine what I'll be like at 26. They really are worlds apart. SOME people can make it work. My grandparents have been happily married for ... man..years and years...and are 10 years apart...although times were much different when they started out and such. My best friend is 23 and dating a 42 year old and although she loves him, she's having so much trouble with the differences that arise. So yeah, if you do pursue it, just take your time with each other, and be careful.
     
  10. feministhippy

    feministhippy Member

    It depends on you and him. Be careful. Should you chose to date him, be honest with your parents about this. Don't hide it from, because that can be unsafe.

    I can't really give you any good advice on whether or not your should date him, because I don't know you and I don't know him. So the only thing I can say is use good judgment.
     
  11. Elle

    Elle Senior Member

    I really agree with this^^^^ My best friend was in a situation much like yours which started when she was 13...he was 29. They hid it from her parents...parents found out....they continued to date behind their backs. Its a long story of course. She actually dated him on and off for a few years. 13 and 16 though are definatley not the same. But still, I agree with everyone else's posts.....great advice.
     
  12. Jedi

    Jedi Self Banned

    I would not recommend it, you may think he is perfect now, but you are still young , your ideas change. I can say with 90% guarantee that your perceptions of him are not correct. He is not perfect, I used to have many perceptions about movie actresses when I was your age. We all have fantasies but I can asure you that you will find someone suitable when you give yourself some more time. With age comes wisdom and believe me, you will learn this as you pass 18 that you are as I am , just another dumb teen.
     
  13. Abyle

    Abyle Member

    You're PROBABLY an above average, mature, gorgeous young lady. You're probably as mature as a thirty year old (which makes you attractive in one way to older guys). However, older men/womyn that would date someone so young raise red flags for me. Why can't they date people their own age?

    I dated a guy who was eight years older than me when I was eighteen; BIG MISTAKE. It took me awhile to figure out this guy was so much of a loser he was more intent on preying on my (and everyone else's) good will and charitable spirit. Sex wasn't the biggest motivation for him, but having someone to emotionally/fiscally leech off of was. Just be careful if you have to.
     
  14. Myranya

    Myranya Slytherin Girl

    Is it legal in your state for him to have a relationship with you -16 and 26? If not, I really wouldn't do it... Not just because you or your parents could be a problem, but anyone who'd find out and dislike it for some reason -either some busybody or someone you'd inadvertently pissed off- could cause major trouble for him.

    If it is legal, well... As others have said it's a big age difference, especially at that age and I'd sure give it a lot of thought, not something to rush into... But I wouldn't say it's a definite no either. Don't hide it, and be careful.
     
  15. xbabiiqurlx

    xbabiiqurlx Member

    i just wanted to say thanks for everyone;s help .. i thought about everythin and just decided to take it slow and see what happens .. if somethin;s meant to happen it will right ? i don;t know if anyone else agrees but that;s the way i look at it .. so yea thanks again everyone
     
  16. NoRtHStAr

    NoRtHStAr Member

    Hey hun!


    I'm actually in the exact same situation as you! I posted my predicament in the relationship forum...

    I went for it. I spent two amazing days with him, and then this morning, I broke it off. I broke it off after my mom, confronted me about him. She was worried about the age.

    I just finished crying about an hour ago. I have no idea what to do. But if you want to talk or anything PM me.

    Peace 'n Love
    K.D
     
  17. be careful if you say that you've been hurt alot..
     
  18. xbabiiqurlx

    xbabiiqurlx Member

    just wanted to thank everyone for all the advice .. i decided to just forget about him because it turns out he had another girl the whole time .. but yea .. now i got someone and couldn;t be happier [ n he;s a lot closer to my age lol ] .. so yea .. thanks again for all the help
     
  19. LivingLegends

    LivingLegends Senior Member

  20. Moonjava

    Moonjava Senior Member

    JUST BE CAREFUL!!!! If you see any red flags, pull away NOW!
     

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