I have a few answers for those who prayed to me last night - and...you know your name

Discussion in 'Random Thoughts' started by -GOD-, Jun 2, 2004.

  1. -GOD-

    -GOD- Banned

    To Heather: You should've thought about it before playing your virginity on one hand of poker.

    To Bill: The numbers to open that padlock are 22-13-45. The only thing you'll find in the box is a paper with those numbers though.

    To Hank (the stupid mugger in the hospital): Yes people in their 80s can still be good at karate.

    To Karl, (the well hung german): No. I won't send you a box of vaseline to help you. You should've thought of it before putting it there. Pool pressure tubes have only one specific purpose and that was not it.
  2. -GOD-

    -GOD- Banned

    Just picked up my messages on my praying answering machine - here are the answers:

    To Alfred: No, I haven't heard that joke about the circumcised jew and the prostitute.

    To Mila: I'm sorry if your eye operation didn't work out too well. You should have listened to me and waited. I'm always very busy on Thursdays - it's crap table night.

    To Joe: Yes, I know I was wrong now, your motorcycle was indeed too heavy. Don't be too angry though, you still have one leg intact.

    To Rael: I don't really know if ufos exist. You'd better ask some retarded farmer cause that's the only place they ever visit to deliver their important message.
  3. gesone

    gesone Member

    Ha, ha! You're a riot, God! Good shit!


    "Grilled cheese sandwiches will save the world!"
  4. BlackVelvet

    BlackVelvet Members

    i didnt lose my virginity to a game of poker! lol must be another heather..and what about "keith" oh wait he doesn't pray to you..i forgot :p
  5. -GOD-

    -GOD- Banned

    Yeah, but I still know all about Keith.

    Ever since I got cable, it's much easier to know more, and faster too.

    With you humans making planes and rockets, I really had shitty images here.

    It got so bad that at one point I would have to use a telescope to find out who masturbated.
  6. BlackVelvet

    BlackVelvet Members

    lol bet you had some funny sites..watching all of those people masterbating! hmm does God get turned on? or do you just..watch for the hell of it?
  7. -GOD-

    -GOD- Banned

    It's been an "eternity" since I haven't hadeth sex.
  8. BlackVelvet

    BlackVelvet Members

    Well Mr. God, I haveta go to work now for another hour...blah..I'll catch ya later if you're on..KEEP POSTING!
  9. -GOD-

    -GOD- Banned

    I am only a prayer away from you, dear child.


    Remember, if you pray after six p.m. there won't be any long distance charges too.
  10. -GOD-

    -GOD- Banned

    To Micheal - No, I can't help you now. I told you not to have sex with kids... And camels, monkeys, flies, rhinoceruses, giraffes, sofas, newspapers, electric can openers, anthills, skis, truckers in pit stops, pencil sharpeners, lions, thermostats, staples, cleaning brushes, phones, plants, things that start between the letters "a" through "z"...

    To Sandra - I don't care what your teacher says, that a little over the line for sex education.

    To Jimmy - Just don't eat so much cheese chips when you watch porn movies. Your penis won't be orange anymore within a week.

    To Sally - It's a little complicated to explain without having lived it but yes, having a baby is like trying to shit a watermellon but you'll see, amazingly it does pass.
  11. BlackVelvet

    BlackVelvet Members

    LOL! Still at it I see..were you pissed off at us last night, cause we had one hellacious storm and part of our roof got blown off..so FIX IT! Please :p
  12. Roachie

    Roachie Member

    God, You didnt answer my prayer.... ¿¿¿???
  13. -GOD-

    -GOD- Banned

    Roachie -

    I've had some transmission problems here. You might guess the number of prayers I receive - it's 24 hour service after all.


    As all businesses, I have a customer service that can satisfy anyone. You can either write your prayer here, and I'll fix things with my fast miracle delivery or you can send it back tonight with regular prayer post delivery.
  14. Roachie

    Roachie Member

    I dont think i have to write it..u know it already....
  15. -GOD-

    -GOD- Banned

    You're going against the wind here.

    If I say write it, write.

    I once told St-Fred to write some holy scriptures and he didn't listen.

    Remember St-Fred?

    No one does.

    I hope this one on one conversation helps you to find the right path.
  16. God, you left out mine. answer my prayer. please.

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