I hate not being in love.

I still want buckwheat pancakes...

 

mmmmm that's what I'm talkin' about

 

I don't feel like one cohesive force. Almost parted out in a sense...
Does that make any sense to you Stalk?

 

I have buckwheat in a headlock...

 

Think it's caught in your zipper too...

 

LoOL

why that lil nigga is gonna get it:toetap05:

 

do you know why you feel this way?

 

Hushbull. You should definitely try buckweat pancakes with maple syrup but they don't really beat a good fluffy white wheat pancake from a good pancake kitchen.

 

Not really.
I don't think it's anything as simple and narrow as depression or just my mood.
I think, I feel, that there is something I have yet to discover that is calling me.
Until then, all my energy that could be sent in the correct direction is being, "parted out", "separated" from me...
That's the best I can do in explaining myself...

 

hmmm how mysterious...I wonder what it could be...?!

 

I'm a waffle man. But, the buckwheat interested me.
I wanna thick ass waffle, good butter, gen-U-ine maple syrup, and coffee.
I guess I'll settle for none of it. :toetap05:

* I could make coffee, but I would have a bit of Give-a-Moose-a-Muffin complex

 

It escapes me.
I'm sometimes certain that I might maybe want to find it.

 

I have felt this way, especially earlier this year, maybe. Is it as if your mind and your life are going in one direction and your conscious thoughts another...as if you have no real control over yourself or anything else?

I can't really describe how I came back to a normal state....its as if my conscious mind simply floated back down and I became one again. I think its very much a matter of seeking out and tearing down the blockages in your mind, fears, hang ups, obsessions.

If I could describe where I am at right now...I feel exposed to the chaos of the outer world, fragile and even doomed and I am perfectly okay with it. I could well go insane any minute now. So be fucking it.

 

might want to travel,
always helps me.

 

Acceptance is a great tool, liberating as well.
alot of things are out of our control, like dying, going insane, etc... and if those things should happen, fuck it.
I don't think i could correctly define "insane" or "sane" anyhow.

 

the exposure of travel is great.
new people, places and such is a vessel for new and recently untouched energy.
i wouldn't trade my travel experience for the world.

 

I did that once, I just packed up my necessities into the car and drove south. I ended up being gone for 4 months on the road...That experience means a lot to me.

 

Travel was not the answer for me. Freedom is a vice of mine. I always had a sneaking suspicion that if I did not learn to live freely, bravely and kindly in my bleak home town then I wouldn't be able to live anywhere without shaking off my demons. I am undergoing weight training for the soul right now.

 

I wish I could articulate my thoughts about what is happening with my life right now far better but medication has left my head in a mess. Maybe in a few months.

 

what medication are you on? for what?