I hang out with my friends gf too much

So like A few years ago I was working on a project with this girl and I introduced her to my best friend. A few months later they started dating, and have stayed in a relationship for a very long time now. This was a very chill situation for me because I'm good friends with my best friend's gf, so there's no awkwardness to hanging out with them (usually it's kinda lame when your buddy gets a gf because then you end up third wheeling them and/or never getting to chill with them). Anyways, now I am in school studying the same stuff as my friend's gf and we are in some classes together. She is the type that takes school very seriously and it's sometimes all she wants to talk about, so she'll always be talking to me about science stuff and teachers and this and that. And now my friend, who is not currently studying, is getting super jealous of me because he finds that it seems as if his gf likes me because we share common interests and talk a lot. He always seems super jealous and it is kidn of hurting our friendship as well as their relatinoship. I'm not into his gf, but she is a very good student who is useful to have around for help with work and stuff, and I can't jsut hang out with her less because we have classes together everyday this semester. What should I do?

 

Give it to her to give him a reason to be jealous. No no I'm just joking around. Look, sometimes you just gotta talk, try to get him to understand what is going on, also maybe you should talk to her about spending more time with him. Hell you could even buy them tickets to a movie or something. It all depends on just how stubborn your friend is, some cats just don't listen to reason man. Trust me I'm working on not being one of them anymore.

 

If you're not trying to bang her then I would distance myself from him. Why? Because he doesn't trust you and that would offend me. You are in school with this chick not in bed. You introduced them and were already friends with her before that. This guy sounds like the kind of friend that would bang YOUR girl if given the chance and that is why he thinks you would do the same.

I would talk to her in private and let her know how you are seeing this situation and get some feedback from her just to see where she is at. I would let it be known that his pussy ass behavior is pissing you off. Treating you like you've already betrayed him is not okay and he can suck it if he don't like it. Don't put up with that shit.

 

not at all. Like it's not that he's distrustful. I would never bang her and he knows that. Neither of us would fuck each other over like that, we're al very close. he's not distrustful or secretive or anything, he even came and talked to me about feeling jealous. It's just that the girl is very very focused on her work, so all she ever does is school/studying and he is not a part of that, but I am. So he doesn't get to see his gf as often as I do. I think it's more like he is jealous that like even though he has a sexual relationship with her, I have an intellectual one.

 

Well, if y'all are that cool then it will work itself out.

 

yeah I guess so. It's not such a big problem... It's more that it just creates a bit of tension in our friendship.

 

normally it's the guy in your situation that is jealous of the other guy.

 

I've gone through something close to this.
Eventually the jealous party made the friendship end.

 

yeah it's weird eh.

 

yea i'd back off but that's because personally i hate being a girl's intellectual lackey while they go fuck some other guy. probably why i don't have many female friends left.

 

I can't back off, we're in classes together/see each other evert dat. I'm not interested in fucking her. Maybe she is interested in me, idk. I think my friend is just jealous that we
always chat about science shit and he feels left out

 

There are two ways to handle this in my experience, and either way the result depends on your friend's level of security.

A basic more subtle approach is to ask your friend to help set you up on a date with some other chick you have your eye on.

Make him a wingman, so you'll appeal to his sense of wanting to control the situation, hopefully providing a buffer between his fears of losing his girlfriend to you and the reality where you won't ever touch his girlfriend.

However I do advise getting the 411, on where the girlfriend is on all of this, if she is the origin of his anxiety because he knows she has a crush on you then that needs to be addressed directly.

You won't be used as a leveraged weapon in the relationship of your friends., make that clear.

 

Why don't you suggest that your friend read some of the same books that you are studying so that he can join in on the conversations.

 

While a noble piece of advice, it doesn't help address the male friend's insecurity at all in the aspect that he knows his friend (the OP) and the girl share classes together.

I still advocate a head-on approach with either of them, or head-on addressing the girl's perspective on this, and dealing with the guy friend's insecurity in an in-direct way.

 

honestly I just need a gf. When me and my friend both had gf's, shit was all good. We could all go out together in a fully non-awkward, chill situation. I just can't ever find time for dating. /and I don't really know how to go about doing it properly at this point

 

I'm sure you could back off if you want or do you hang with all the people in your class too?

 

I personally don't see why you'd need to back off if she's your friend. If you're not a threat to their relationship(through your intelligence, or whatever this is about), then your best friend needs to understand this. I'd just go drinking with your buddy one night, and have a heart-to-heart talk with him, if I were you. I've never really been in the same situation as yours, but when I need to talk about something serious with my guy best friend, this approach seems to create a very good atmosphere.

 

I have been in the situation the OP is in, so I highly recommend NOT adding alcohol as the medium to talk about this subject with the said guy who is giving off vibes that he's agitated.

Like I said, ask the buddy to be your wingman. (this tip of advice is taken out of the female perspective for everybody's information, because it's directly addressing the core problem that is perceived without being accusatory)


@Hedge, make some time, even just as a token effort as a way to communicate to your male friend that you're looking at other girls, not his girlfriend. It might put his mind at ease.

Try it and report back to see if it works.