I'm tired of 24 hour news coverage,which is like following some never-ending horror story that soon takes on the aspect of a vicarious entertainment once you get drawn into the stories.And it just goes on and unceasingly on.I wonder what the psychological impact of trying to fit all of the worlds problems inside your head as you and the political experts try vainly to grapple with solutions,as we realize that these current crises are basically unsolvable,that we will never achieve world peace because a lot of people in these conflicts don't even want that.They just like fighting. I must admit things were so desperate for me recently I half heartedly thought about joining myself.How exciting to just have a gun and shoot people with your likeminded brothers.Adventure and danger and a common cause. Basically I just cannot take on board the problems of all the catastrophe anymore.It's Just all too much for a single brain to try and process without a sense of disconnection and desensitization. I can't change anything,and the more I let go of some kind of moral concern for the welfare of the world the better I feel.Just the bloody politicians,bankers and corporations run the show and count me out.I am having to let the world go and the people go and do whatever they want to do.All my social critiques about what I felt were valid and useful models to describe this particular state of affairs were just becoming rabid obsessions of a paranoid schizophrenic caught up in a realm of endless insane analysis that I basically just watched for entertainment value,and the occasional doom porn.So now I've tuned into the music channels because I just want to get real and really not give a fuck like most regular people. I tried Buddhism but I just can't live up to their excessively hi moral standards.Some of the concepts were starting to mess with my schizophrenia so I've knocked that to the side for the moment.Frankly I just feel like accepting that a pretty mean guy who only really cares about themselves.I'm pretty sure I have psychopathic tendencies because right now the less I care,the better I feel.That's not saying I don't have a lot of love in my heart,but I refuse any longer to take on the sufferings of and feel guilty for just making the best of what I have and living for me and try to not let any sufferings stop me from getting what I want. I can't fucking try and love everyone and hold out for a greener socialist system anymore.I completely drop that fantasy because it is a lost cause.The military industrial complex can do what it wants because there is no stopping these fuckers and I am just one small man with no influence in the matter so I'm just saying screw it,fuck the tragedy,the high drama of the men of power and riches.I'm not jealous of anyone just so as the money keeps rolling in and the USA and central Europe stay stable.So once again I make my ablutions and cast non-immediate problems from my mind because I've this moral guilt complex of almost messianic proportions fuck me up for to long. I will not actively start hating random masses of people,I'm Just saying I have to let go the worry,the care and concern for anything that doesn't immediately involve me,my friends and family.Everyone who knows me here knows I'm very inconsistent in my standpoint from day to day,but this is the nature of schizophrenia which constantly compels you to look at things from all sides and try and understand everyone's opinion. Well I've made a lot of progress recently,but I need to drop all agendas,ideologies and the opinions of a world insidiously tries to lure you into it's lies and narrative of despair which I will no longer entertain.People gotta do what they gotta do in dire circumstances all over the work,but I refuse to suffer for you anymore.I want the best life possible for myself and I abdicate all responsibility for everything except my own integrated whole good mind.
Just stop listening to all that shit. Seriously. I used to want to know how everything really worked and I mostly figured it out. Most people don't know but most don't want to know. That's probably for the best because once you really know....you don't get to go back. It changes your view of a lot of things and you eventually realize that you probably can't do very much to change anything. So you then sit back and watch the disgusting theatrics that will take place and nobody wants to even hear whats really going on. It's propaganda. If you are willing to tell them....they label you as the problem. It's no mistake. It's meant to be that way.
The current problems have no easy solution. The side that you're on is always the right side, the other is always wrong. When you're facing an enemy intent on killing you, what's the difference anyway?
I like the way my mentor put it - divide problems into two parts - the ones you can tackle and the ones you can't even touch and then throw the untouchables out. There's no point in worrying about things/matters/events you can't change. It's the media that makes us feel unnecessary involved.
