I get a kidney stone, or welcome to the American healthcare system.

So about three weeks ago I woke up with a tremendous pain in my side, and as I lay on the bed wiggling and squiggling, and claiming I was alright, my wife said, "You have a kidney stone."
Of course I denied it and said I was fine, but if you ever have had a kidney stone, you know I wasn't.

So off to the emergency room I go and proceeded to wiggle and squiggle for four hours before they give me anything for the pain, after trying five times to get an IV in my arm.
After that I felt fine so I sat around for another six hours before they give me a CT scan and say, "You have a kidney stone, here's a strainer and five prescriptions, go home and piss it out. Call your doctor and get an appointment for next week."

We go home and the next day my wife calls the urologist for an appointment. Meanwhile I'm sitting around on oxycontin as I can't move.
She gets balled out by the receptionist becasue who does that hospital think it is, ordering an appointment? They're professionals and don't just give out appointments!

We finally get one for about a week, and a few days later I stroll into the office and the Doc says that I should have passed that stone after a week, "Let's go get it!" (The procedure is to knock me out stick a camera up my Johnson, find that sucker and blast it with a laser. Forty five minutes top.) I can't wait.
But he can't do it as he's too busy, so his associate will call and make an appointment for an OR at the hospital.

I go home and a couple days later we get a call. The appointment is for Friday of that week, they'll call on Thursday and let us know what time.
Thursday rolls around and about 5:00 we get a call telling us they have to cancel the appointment due to an emergency. Bummer.
But wait! A half an hour later we get a call from someone else telling me to be at the hospital by 12:30 for the operation.
"Wait a minute!", sez my wife, "We just got a call cancelling the operation!" "What!" sez the girl, "That can't be, I'm calling everyone setting up appointments! Let me check on that."
An hour later she calls back, "You're all set for tomorrow, be there, I guarantee the operation!"
Can you see where this is heading?

We show up for the operation get checked in and sent to the OR waiting room. We sit down as there's no one at the desk and twiddle our thumbs for a half an hour until we think something's wrong. Looking around we see a phone with a sign, "If something's wrong call this number." We call and someone says they'll be right out.
Some dude comes out, checks us in again, and tells us to wait.
An hour goes by and out he comes again and tells us the doctor wants to talk to me.
Can you see where this is heading?

Into this little room we go and he says, "Didn't someone call you about canceling this?" "Sure," we both say, "Then someone else called and said it wasn't canceled."
It was canceled. He tells us to leave and if the stone still hurts, take some more pills and somebody will call and reschedule.

On the way home somebody calls and and tells me I'm rescheduled for next Wednesday. Someone will call on Tuesday and tell me what time to be at the hospital.
Tuesday rolls around (remember I still have this kidney stone) and guess what? Nobody calls!
So at 6:00 that night my wife calls to see what's up.
"Well, we didn't call because your husband is in the hospital so there was no need to call, they'll just get him when the operation is due."
"Wait a minute", sez my wife, "If he's in the hospital who's this guy sitting next to me?"
"No, he's was admitted last Friday."
"No, he's sitting here right beside me."
"Oh." "Well they never released him so we thought he was still here."
"The operation is tomorrow, show up and everything will be fine, I fixed it all up!"
Can you see where this is heading?

The next day into the hospital we stroll, stop at the desk, and I proclaim, "I'm here for a 2:00 surgery", I give my name etc. and the receptionist looks puzzled.
"You're not in our system."
"What do you mean I'm not in the system, I was told to be here today for surgery."
She looks around on the computer screen and finally announces, "You're not in the system becasue you're already in the system, you were admitted last Friday."
"No, I had surgery cancelled on Friday and rescheduled for today."
"Well you were never released."
"I know that."
"I'll have to check on this, have a seat."
And she disappears behind some door.

A half hour later she reemerges telling us how this and that should have been done and it wasn't but it's all fixed now, proceeded up to the surgery waiting room.

Up we go and, wonder of wonders, within a half an hour they take me back to prep me for the surgery.
This is at 1:00.
But unfortunately the OR is backed up and I'll have to wait until 3:00 for the operation.
Okay.
At 5:00 they finally come and get me. My wife goes to sit in the waiting room but after about twenty minutes the doctor comes out.
"It's MIA."
"What?"
"The stone is missing in action, I can't find it." "I stuck that camera up there three times and no dough."
"Take him home, I'll send an order out for a CT scan just to make sure, and btw, I stuck in a stent which I'll take out in about a week." Lovely.

Home I go and the next day we try to schedule he CT scan by calling the hospital.
"Do you have an order for a CT scan?"
"You have to call your doctor."
Okay, we call the doctor.
"You have to schedule that."
"We know" "How do we do that?"
"You have to call the scheduler."
"Okay, how do we do that?"
"Well I guess you need a phone number."
Duh.

We call the scheduler.
"You're in luck, I can squeeze you in for today if you can get here within the hour."
Can you see where this is heading?

Into the car we go and blast off to the hospital.
We march into Building C and approach the receptionist.
"I'm here for a CT scan in fifteen minutes, the scheduler is squeezing me in."
"I can see that you've been squeezed in, but that's for next Friday."
"What!" I'll have the stent out by then."
"Sorry can't help you, next."

We exit the building, whip out a cell phone and call the scheduler, "The hospital claims my CT scan is next Friday, that's eight days from today!"
"Are you at the right building?"
"Yes"
"How do you know"
"Because there's a big freaking C right over our heads."
"Well let me check."
"Oh, well computers do funny things, (I'm thinking, yeah garbage in garbage out), somebody put in the wrong date!"
"It's all fixed now."

Back inside we go and for some reason the receptionist has been replaced by someone else. Probably fired or sent to Siberia.
We check in with no problem and I get my CT scan and am out the door in less than thirty minutes!
All is well!

But wait I still have a six inch piece of plastic tubing stuck up my kidney that needs to come out next Friday....while I'm awake, if the correct date was entered for the procedure.
Can you see where this is heading?


Wish me luck.

 

Oh My!

So sorry to hear all this... what a pain in the .......

I can't imagine the torture of all this - and have to say you are one strong guy.

Hang in there! I hope this gets take out and you get taken care of really soon. Try and take it easy on the oxy of you can...

 

I'm on Medicare and have a pretty good supplement plan through my union.