I finally did it

True enough.

I don't want to harbor secrets in general, but in this case it's not really a healthy truthfulness. Like I said, I'm pretty sure I was trying to drive him away. Like be man, stand up for yourself, don't take this bullshit from me laying down.

I certainly don't endorse my behavior. I've made peace with it, I'm not into shame and I'm not in the habit of hating myself. I just know I need to get my head right before I even think about entering into anything remotely serious with anyone else and when I do I want to be with someone I can be open with about anything and everything. That's just the kind of partnership I want in my life.

 

Convince? Nah, they're observations. As for yourself.....what are you needing to make known to me? I'm scum.....deep.

 

Very subjective observations I might add.

 

I find it isn't the right person in my life that promotes honesty. It's a switch that happens personally within that says "being open" is a freedom about accepting oneself. It's also exercising the risk of being vulnerable, and that our ability to our displays of truth to others is rooted in having been through very difficult lessons. Lessons like, the truths could be held against you, or followed by rejection or prejudice, or alienating, or that those that are supposed to love you abandon you instead. The most vulnerable of all though is when there could be great loss.

 

.....from your self imposed high pedestal of objectivity. Laughable.

 

I never said I'm above all subjectivity. I'm just pointing out your 'observations' here are far from sincere. They seem more to be about excusing your own behaviour.

 

Hey yall, sorry for jumping on the hijacking train. Talking about myself is an easy trap to fall into. Especially when I'm a bit uncomfortable with my circumstances.

Lodog, seriously. Good job getting out of an unhappy situation and into one you feel better about.

 

Errr, he is talking about the 7 year itch though, well last two years miserable, so the 5 year itch

In that once the.sex wasnt new anymore he got more angry looking at her face, and finally realised how much she complains and how irritating her voice was

But as long as they never say that aloud, keep it all hallmark with lovely cliches like 'we didnt want to hold each other back' , they'll get away with it. The real message being to the guys, lie through your teeth, promise the world and you'll get her to put out for at least a couple years, then when you get bored, dump her and repeat.

Do you think anyone believes that if you were this carolyn and it was your hubby that did a thread like this, was talking like this, you would react the same way

Do you think any of the guys, even the ones most preachy about cheating, believe 'dont want to hold each other back' dosent actually mean sex was crap or she always used it as.a.bargaining chip to get stuff.

None of the older women, even those that are supposedly immature take you seriously, cos they know in 10/20 years time you are going to be far hornier and more often. And there is no way now you can have any idea how badly. Whether your current one is going to be up go the task when you are 40.

Maybe keep marrried for the kids, for tje judgements of everyone around you. But sneak around, share with a bunch of other married women that miniscule percentage of guys that are up to task, that never bothered to get.married, never had to cos they always had a bunch of women that just wanted them for sex.

Which is why its all a waste if time, too many people acting preachy to cover up the cheating

 

If this was all directed towards that one little quote, you are reading far too much into it. I disagree with the act of cheating, big friggin' whoop. Nobody is going to change my mind on that and how I will feel in the future is not how I feel now. Once again, I have addressed the particular situation the thread was originally about, I'm not here to debate morals.

 

The biggest upside to doing this is that it empowered me to accomplish a lot. You get called useless by someone enough you start acting useless. No more.

 

I'm glad you got away from that and sorry you had to deal with that. Nobody should have to put up with emotional abuse.

 

I am hungry

 

Lol. Sorry you're not the truth we're looking for.

 

you're just trying to justify your own actions, yes? Comparing constantly sneaking around and lying to someone who is supposed to be your partner is not in any way comparable to telling your children Santa exists.

 

Its amazing how people almost twice my age and more justify their lies like 10 year olds..I guess the older you grow the worse it gets.

 

Its exactly the same though isnt it, as its still a lie, Santa doesnt exist. Both types of lies would fall under the category of lying to not hurt someones feelings.


As for lying to ones partner, you think anyone believes you've magically ended up with he guy you most wanted to be with out of all the guys you've encountered in you life? That there arent at least 1/2 dozen you would have prefered to end up with: first kiss, first boyfiend, some in high school you couldnt get, a crush on some crusty old teacher you had a daddy thing for .

You never think of any other guy when he's on top of you?

Fom what calgirls says, she does tell her hubby every so often, he just acts dense or switches off. So in that respect you may indeed lie to your partner more than she does.

If your man could actually get in your head, see every little thought and fantasy, and of who you fantasize over....how do you think that would change everything, eveytime he heard you talking like this claiming you never lie to him, everytime he hears something like "Arent I enough?"

Or if he found out, everytime he is on top of you, there is another male you need to think about (and we both know who that male is most likely to be dont we wink wink nudge nudge)....he'd freak the fuck out

 

And you have reached some magical age where you lies are more valid or justified than an older persons or a 10 year old have you?



And whether a person is 10, 25 or 55, how is the logic of justifying a lie going to change. Deny Deny Deny, blame someone, something else, act dumb, pretend you didnt hear the question, claim it was for some greater good

Or in your case act superior and the other person inferior or crazy......which is nothing like a 10 year old

 

Even though both are lies to avoid unpleasant situations/hurting feelings they are of course not exactly the same at all. Even the motive why you let a kid believe in Santa in the first place is because you wish it grows up with the same fun tradtion as you did. I don't see how this applies to lying to your partner I'm sure you are able to twist it into something similar after all but it doesn't make it so
Anyway, wouldn't the conversation about cheating on your partner for an extensive period of time and excusing it by comparing it to lying to a kid about Santa best be continued in one of calgirl's threads? It's not if Lodog is using such an excuse as it seems.

 

Parents: "We just pretend to believe in Santa to keep the kids happy".

Kids: "We just pretend to believe in Santa so as not to upset our parents."

 

Logic wouldn't change with arrested development
But normally its expected that you grow wiser as you age and have more experiences.
I try not to lie, especially in relationships...My conscious just wouldn't let me.