I finally did it

I don't have to be morally perfect to think cheating is straight up fucked up. That being said, Lodog understands the possible repercussions of his actions and seems perfectly ready to accept any negative consequences that may arise from his choices, and I hold no ill will towards him.

Lodog, you've always been one of my favorite forumers and I hope this all works out well for you. I hope it turns out to be best for everyone and I hope both you and your ex are doing well. And I hope your new lady can find it in herself to trust you with her heart. I wish nothing but the best for everyone involved and hope you remain on pleasant terms with your ex so your child will not have to suffer any consequences from it all.

 

Realistically, situations like this is why these days I only fuck escorts, drunk sluts that want to come home from the bar, or sexual and independent females who are cool with just fucking and being friends. And that's how it's going to be until possibly someone proves themselves to me over time, if I can do anything to control it that way and not fall into another succubus trap. I realize sometimes you can't and should just go with it regardless of outcome.

But overall relationships are nothing but a distraction, and when you do actually care about a female the inevitable happens and sets you back further. I made a choice after the last one to be better not bitter, and it just so happens my life is increasing exponentially in many ways. Coincidence, no. Because it's the 3rd time I've done it, in between 3 relationships and 3 setbacks.

Cheating or not, relationship or not, rebound or not, all the advice I can offer is find the strength that exists within yourself.

 

Lodog, only you know what is best, none of us can judge you on your separation.

Your life, your call bro. I wish you the best, though!

 

There is no two people, no one relationship, no combinations of lives that can be fully understood if you're not IN IT. So what is fucked up and what is FUCKED up is for no one to define.

 

We can define anything fucked up wether the people in question like it or not. This sounds harsh maybe but it is simply so. It is also not by definition that the people outside the relationship has lesss insight about it than the people who are in it. All that depends on the relationship, the people and the situation. I am not thinking of Lodog's or yours (calgirls) situation in particular here. Just stating the obvious.

 

There are common interpretable measurements of what can be defined. But truly no one can let their truth be inflicted on the other situation unless faced with identical variables. Can't happen, doesn't happen, and never will.

 

Listen, I know what would hurt the HELL out of me, so I would never do it. I know what I think is wrong and I'm sorry if that offends you or gets your panties in a wad. This thread is not about YOU. I already addressed Lodog in a very positive and respectful manner. This is ALL I will say to you in regards to this because we are not going to turn what has been a mostly positive thread for Lodog into a circus.

 

This is all I'm going to say about it, because I don't want to derail this thread and turn it into another calgirl sob story. But, she seems to try to make every damn thread she posts in about her and her "lovers." Also she seems to be extremely confused about the difference between a lover and a dude that's just looking to get his dick wet.

 

Stop being a bunch of cock spasms.

 

I think there is a difference in cheating on someone and continuing to cheat on someone while remaining in a relationship with them, and cheating on someone only to realize you don't want to be in a relationship with that person anymore.

I think if a relationship is really horrible then its possible for even a morally upright person to fall for someone else and cheat before getting out of the relationship. It isn't ideal but as long as you get out of the relationship immediately, it isn't really going to make a huge difference in the long run.

Its the conivving and lying involved in sneaking around to continuously cheat on someone that really bothers me. Its like the difference between premeditated cold blooded murder and a crime of passion.

Ideally everyone would be brave enough to leave a relationship before it gets to the point of falling for someone else but there could be a lot of factors involved there that anyone not involved in the relationship won't understand.

 

I agree with you. I still cannot see myself cheating and would never want to be cheated on, but I don't hold any hard feelings towards Lodog and his situation. I think there's a big difference between quickly realizing it's time to be mature and end the relationship and carrying it on for years.

 

Exactly.
There is a huge difference between something happening in the heat of the moment, which acts as a catalyst for realizations about the relationship you are in, and maintaining an affair where you are consistently deceiving the person you are in a relationship in, not having the guts to either break it off or stay true to your commitment.

I've cheated and been cheated on, and it hurts like hell regardless of whether it is an ongoing thing or not. But when I did cheat, it lead to me either ending the relationship, or realizing that I wanted to keep that relationship, and thus did not cheat again.

It's a tough issue for most people because even the very few people who haven't been directly affected by someone cheating, the very thought of your loved one cheating is horrible. And so most people have very strong opinions on the subject.

I hope you find the happiness you seek, Lodog. All people deserve to be happy. Too many of us settle for misery and mediocrity because change and risk is scary. I believe staying in an unhappy relationship would be more unhealthy for your child in the long run.

 

Likewise if someone cheated on me and told me about it immediately, and also wanted to work to save our relationship, I would be more likely to forgive them and to trust them again because they didn't lie to me about it. If someone came to me after months of lying about it and finally fessed up I would kick them to the curb immediately. It would really be the lying that would bother me the most. I think someone who can continuously lie to someone is slightly psychopathic.

 

I feel the exact same way. It's not so much about the sex with someone else as it is the lying about it. People fuck up, people make mistakes, and it's how they deal with those mistakes that makes all the difference.

 

I agree with this, I think deception is far more of a crime in a relationship.

I've been on every end of cheating, I've cheated, been cheated on, and been the "other woman"

And honestly, being the other woman was the hardest thing for me to cope with. I mean, I know how shit is going to go down in my relationship, but I have no clue what is going to happen to theirs. I literally regretted it the moment it started and I never wanted to see either of their faces ever again afterwards.

People keep saying how is this new girl going to trust him knowing he cheated, but she participated in that too.

 

Deception. Hm, like that is a BAD thing. I might be the only way to survive, and often protects others.

 

Do you? You're a mother right? So how do you explain Santa, and the tooth fairy. Is it theatre? People have privacy(s) in their lives, and their every vein of existence does't have to be shared. And brain activity(s) and thoughts are not the business of those around you.

 

I think if you are in a good relationship, you are both on the same team, looking out for each other and have no need for secrets from each other. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone that I have to hide things from or deceive or with someone that deceives me.

It happens. Like you said, sometimes it's the only way to get by, I just don't want that.

I remember listening to Dr. Drew on Loveline (a sex talk radio show) as a young teen and he would always say that if you cheat, you shouldn't confess. Coming clean is just a way to ease your own conscience and it causes more pain for your partner than not knowing. I always confessed though, I'm serially honest.

 

No secrets. Wow, don't know that concept. Confessions are dangerous. Do you think if you're in a good relationship that exempts either of you from being judged? Nope, people remember! The key I suppose is making peace within yourself about trespasses and shames. It doesn't have to involve everyone. Serially honest, and serially hurtful, but we all have our own techniques.

 

Who are you trying to convince, calgirl? Us or yourself?

I like how you're comparing lying to your kids about Santa to lying to your spouse about an affair. Yeah, it's pretty much the same thing.