I just don't know why.. I guess I'm really tired, I had a horrible day. I dropped my physics course cause I felt like I was in a sci-fi movie, I couldn't get a thing, professor had a huge Chinese accent, everyone was a math genius... it was awful I felt so lost. I replaced it with a health course.. it's required anyways, so there I'm getting it over with. I feel extremely lonely right now. But I mean REALLY lonely like I wanna kill myself. Nick's home... I don't even know if he's gonna get his financial aid to come live on campus with me... I feel like I'm wasting all my parent's money.. I don't even know if I wanna live in the states after all, it looks like Nick and I are going in different ways, like he's so irresponsible and I'm over-responsible, I feel like he's going to college with me just because he'd feel guilty to drop-out because I went through a lot of shit to come to study to the U.S with him.. I don't know... I feel horrible... it's one of these days, you know? When everything seems pointless, when everything seems to be going wrong, when life seems so harsh, and when you feel all alone in the world, with no one to understand you.
whatever happenes , it seems to be going to be ok for you . im sure your parrents know that your decision was made in good faith , and if having to change it were to prove advantageous , for any reason , they wouldnt begrudge the effort . the trouble and the experience even terminated prematurely is an intangable asset .....just be thankfull u have your health and witts !!....sometimes things between folks drift , and thats not a negative reflection on either side . retrospectavly . any landing you walk away from is a great sucess ...situations that seemed sad and wastefull as well as hommies you could no longer hang with can be great experiences u learned a lot with , and people you fondly cherrish time spent with ....
awww Penny!! je vous espère sentir mieux bientôt je sais que mon Français est horrible!!! mais je sais qu'il n'y a rien comme quelqu'un qui vous parle en votre propre langue dans un endroit étranger...
thanks... well I just sent an absolutely pathetic pm.. couldn't be more depressing.. sorry, I regret...
Thank you you're so sweet and considerate.. I wish I could feel better, but it seems impossible right now, like even if I just got great news, it wouldn't affect me, now I feel like if there was an earthquake I wouldn't even notice. I feel totally discouraged (is that the word?) with everything.
wait til tomorrow or later for any big decisions take a bubble bath, listen to some good happy music, eat some chocolate go out for a run/walk/bike in the sun tomorrow.
