I fear becoming a murderer....

I actually think about that a lot, and even if I hate their guts, I don't do anything outside of fighting if it escalates to that. In fact, the only way I do see myself taking a life would be if something happened to a family member or close friend.

 

Perhaps you're more afraid then you are angry? perhaps you are entertaining these ideas because you are afraid you may have to act on that side one day, to say protect your family?

 

back to your original post, you said you had been bottling things up and were afraid you might kinda like explode or something (that was 3 pages ago i have forgot what you said really lol) i can understand that. 2 years ago i was the same, my bf cheated on me, and i thought, if i ever see the bitch that he cheated on me with, i'm gonna knock her fucking teeth out. but i was filled with so much rage that i was always kinda worried that if i saw her and started kicking her ass, i wouldn't be able to stop. so its probably a good thing that she lives 1000 miles away, cause she really wasnt worth going to jail over. sooo, i just bottled that shit back up, just packed it right back up into my brain.
idk if this had anything to do with anything now. i got all distracted while typing, probably didnt help ya out dude. advice? chances are that seeing as you recognize this as a problem, you won't act on it. it shows that you have a conscience and are not a psychopath.

 

The thing about bottling things up with me is that it doesn't just go away. It consistently haunts me. And Xac, I think that's part of it. When I'm with someone I worry about, I don't have any bad emotions flowing because they are there with me and I know if anything happens I'll be there to stop it or help them.

 

Fear leads to anger, anger to hatred. - Yoda. Sure it's from Star Wars but I'm still convinced the George Lucas who wrote the original Star Wars is not the same as the one who wrote the new ones :cheers2:

But seriously though, the truth can be hard, accept what belongs to you, including your fear. You don't have to feel guilty, merely recognise what belongs to you. I think if you do, these feelings will become far less pervasive. I think you will be able to put them in their right place and accept that negative potential as something that is valid and legitamite in yourself but at the same time not the potential you wish to achieve, because there is so much more to you.

Keep us posted on how you are feeling. :cheers2:

 

I know similar feelings. Just a good things to remember is no matter how angry or destructive you get it you always have a choice. Nothing to new it is true that writing to vent is very effective. Also dealing with people honestly not letting them get under your skin as slowly a pool of anger and frustration fills heavy in you and waiting to seep out on however tries to put any more in. Talking to people in person can be helpful if they are understanding; people have an amazing ability to underestimate what a person can do, though you should take as a compliment that they see you in such a light that horrendous acts cannot be ascribed to you.

These root emotions, emotions so strong that they sway reason are great source of art. I wanted to kill someone and I wrote my favorite recent poem instead.

 

I live in Detroit...not a lot of understanding people, so even if I sat down and talked to them, they'd only go behind my back and make things ten times worse. For instance, this girl that my friend was talking to for some reason thought I was rude because I'd be laughing on the phone, despite me explaining it had nothing to do with either of them and I was usually just having a good time hanging with my friend. We appeared to be cool for only a few days, and her nephew wanted to start some crap, and my friend of course has my back, but nothing has happened.

All in all, I consider myself a real cool person and a gentlemen. There is a reason behind my wanting to kill, and that is as soon as I got to middle school everything changed. I've been teased a lot, both my guys and girls, and I've had to fight, but all of that, in some ways, has made me a stronger and somewhat of a better person, but as I've said I have a darkside. I don't go around looking for trouble, but it always finds me, which is why I have homeschool, and I'm glad I made that choice. I've had a pretty good year since I haven't had to deal with drama, and with these next three years I'll only get better, mature better, and not be attracted to b.s. once I start college.

As for what Xac said, that's great advice, and I'm glad you all have been pretty understanding of where I'm coming from.

Another thing I want to add is that if I did ever start killing because of some traumatic experience, I don't think it'd be within me to harm innocents...it'd be the scum. No matter how far I sink, there will always be that part of me that understands there are innocents, and there are scum, and the scum would be the ones to take out, because it's that kind of people that have wronged me, not the people that have tried to help.

All in all, I don't see myself actually murdering someone, it's just a thought I felt like I wanted to express, and the desire has further went down after expressing it here and talking about it.

 

for the last time.... How old are you?

 

Fifteen. Why?

 

Seriously, guys. It makes you both look bad.

 

i think u want attention but if u really wanna see if u could kill some one i would go buy a baby rabbit raise it and when its grown kill it slowly and watch it die if u can do that paople shouldnt be to hard

 

smoke dust, then go to a gun store.

 

smoke some dust, then go to a gun store...what happens, happens.

 

Nice ego dude.

 

Yeah, I want attention even though I don't post that much and despite the fact that everyone else has posted their thoughts.

 

Kill people. Do what feels right.

 

Instead of killing them murder their ego.

 

The only thing to fear is fear its self. Cliche but true. One day you may need to kill. Don't hesitate, but surely don't kill for a silly ass reason.

 

Wtf?? You was shermin when u thought this shit weren't you?

 

I don't really fear anything deep down (outside of the topic question) and the only reason I fear that is because of prison. The only time I think I'd kill anyone would be if I were put in a situation where I had to because said person was out to get me or a family member.