I double dare you to post you CV (resume)

Me? You must be joking. However, there are braver people than I out there.


Are you one of them?

 

No, I was asked several times to put it on linked in but I won't.

 

R0llinstoned. 5-29-14

-Amateur porn star

-has appeared in over 12 straight scenes

-has appeared in roughly 7 gay/bi scenes

-Worked at baskin Robbins when I was 17

-fired from a grocery store when I was 16 for endangering a co workers well being (was only half my fault)

-animals love me

-youth group leader at the local church

Send PM if you need to contact me

 

Who asked you at Linkedin?

 

Would you consider accepting semen - in the mouth - from a male?

 

?

Nobody from there.

I see a lot of possibilities.

 

Who elsewhere then?

 

Everyone has a price

 

No, I havent produced a cv since I started working for myself. To think that I spent from around 15 to 24 building much of my life around a CV, I look back and see it as a pretty vacuous process. Back in college I'd always be hearing the end of a conversation with "it looks good on the CV". Invariably, I knew it would have been a discussion about doing something that was utter, mindnumbing shit. Shit that no normal people would think was remotely worthwhile.

Anyway, I think it would be more fun to post my disciplinary record from school, college, 1st job...

PS CVs remind me of those beauty contests. They always put on a hyper sincere face and say "I'd really like to work with disabled children and build a more peaceful world". When really you know what they *mean* is "I'd like to make a home porno, really pervy shit, pretend it was stolen, and become mildly famous. Which will eventually allow me to marry an elderly tycoon with a heart condition. And thereby stop having to work for a living and answer tedious questions".

 

People at job agencies and the like recommended it.

 

I haven't made one in years either, my last job was a transfer from the one before, I had my store before those jobs.
When I quit that last job I went to work for myself and all I have to do is talk smart and peeps offer me contracts. The only resumes I have seen is the ones offered to me when I am looking for workers. They sure look a lot simpler then when I last wrote one. Used to be a long story, now it's bullets and small bits of info still telling a great story if the writer is good at it or took a resume class recently.

 

I had to refresh mine recently and it landed me a job so I guess its ok..but it basically looks like this

Some work history
Bullshitblahblah embellishment

More work history
Bullshitblahblah embellishment

Education
Bullshitblahblah embellishment

 

< official licensed bellybutton inspector (specialize in female field only)

 

(508) 555-5555
Heavenlykingdom@hotmail.com

Jesus Christ

Objective: Savior of Humanity

Experience

33AD-Present Seated at the right hand of God, Heaven

Manager
 Managed a staff of 7 Archangels, and millions of Souls
 Scheduling, Training, Hiring/Firing, Payroll, Directives
 Issued Memos, General Supervision, Performance Reviews
 Rose from the Dead, Levitation, Microsoft Word/Excel

0030-0033 Along the Banks of the River Jordan, Palestine

Preacher
 Performed Miracles, Walked on Water, Speech Writing
 Cured a few dozen lepers, Turned water into wine,
 Healed a 38 year old invalid, Caught 153 Fish in a day

0010-0030 Nazareth Construction Co., Palestine

Apprentice Carpenter/Carpenter
 Residential, Commercial, New construction, remodeling
 Cabinet Installation, Trim, Doors, new additions
 Forklift License, Sheetrock, Framing, Crosses (for crucifixions)



Hotwater

 

^i see you've spent the last 1,981 years in the same position. i'm concerned that this shows lack of motivation to advance your career.

 

Yeah, forever the CFO never the CEO


Hotwater

 

Yeah but in fairness, people at job agencies recommend people work for...
.. agencies. :-/

So perhaps people would actually be better writing their qualifications on a dead leper...

Which I suppose isn't illegal, provided there's no nudity involved.

 

Hello,

interesting. How's business going? Lots of work to do? Have you ever thought about having an apprentice?

Regards
Gyro

 

I wonder if there are classes one could take in this field. I would like to obtain a diploma.

 

That begs the question: where do you see yourself in five years?