I don't understand

Yea, you're right. Except I already covered why that doesn't work for me.

 

Wow, well I appreciate the thoughtful responses so far. I think you're all bringing something to the table. Monkjr that was an extremely substantive post. Nothing I hadn't realized before at one time or another but it's really cool to see all of it in one post and maybe something will come to me that I hadn't thought once I read it over again and think about different instances. Thank you. Also, about your number 4, I think that has happened to me before (or maybe it was that I waited a week to call her back? lmao) and that reaally pissed me off. If she had just been straight up, I wouldn't have raged. To me it came of completely 2-faced (considering how she was acting and things she said). I'm always cool with whatever. It's just the ignoring thing that drives me over the edge. Like they could say, hey you have a big nose, I don't like that.I wouldn't give 2 fucks. There's nothing they could say that would really phase me. I just wish people wouldn't treat other people like that. I feel like it's become common place and it's just plain wrong to me. Maybe I'm too much a hippie at heart, I dunno.
The thing is for me is that I have this weird anxiety issue. It doesn't prevent me from being a good date but it does sometimes make me uncomfortable when I'm out for long periods of time and that just throws my whole game off. I suppose the real answer is that I need to work on that and maybe I'm getting ahead of myself but I just get lonely. Also as far as to what I'm looking for, I'm not even sure I want something serious but if it felt right I'd go for it. I'd be happy to meet a cool chick that just wanted FWB ... as long as she wasn't a raging whore. Don't need any extra worries lol

 

One thing I must comment on... This has nothing to do with age at all. I for one is actually several years older than you are, Matty, and I find women my age to be a bit distant. I'm currently, and happily in an online relationship, and my partner and I have known each other for three months. She's about half my age, and she's one of the most open and honest people I've met.

I really think it's about how you communicate with the other person, and the actual compatibility aspect, more so than women in general being flaky or whatnot. I can kind of understand your frustration because I was on a particular dating site a while ago and that experience was a bit lacking... BUT, even then I think you're taking this whole thing way too personally in my opinion. If someone isn't responding to you, then move on. Also, avoid the usual questions if those are all you're going to ask. Learn about them and show them you're really interested in them as individuals.

Lastly, am I the only one who feels like this thread belongs on the Whiners forum rather than on here... xD

 

Once I can get to the point of handling the anxiety (it's not so much social, it's more physical) I think this is a great idea.

 

You're right I am but it's not even about me... it's about the next guy. I want them to never do that to anyone again. Everything used to roll off my back but something happened to me in my mid to late twenties. Now sometimes my mind fixates on things (could be random and stupid as hell) and this happens to be one of those things. I'm trying to learn how to deal with it more constructively. Dealing with this is all new to me. Btw I do try to engage them on specifics that are in their profile, showing that I want to get to know them and making them feel that they aren't just another one in line.

 

Yeah, but you don't really have to worry about the next guy because the next guy just might have a completely different experience than yours. I really believe a lot of it has to do with compatibility. If they don't answer you any more, then that most likely means you guys didn't click. No big deal, really. Just stay chill, and when you meet someone you totally click with, you'll be amazed by how relaxed everything feels.

 

I think a lot of women who create profiles on dating sites aren't necessarily taking it seriously. Exchanging messages on the site is one thing but when they get a text from someone it probably makes it seem more real and they realize online dating isn't something they want to seriously pursue.

Of course they shouldn't give their numbers out at all if that is the case but it is what it is. I really wouldn't take it personally.

 

that could probably be said about a majority of threads in the love and sex/relationships forums that don't fit into the fap fodder category.

 

lmfao, nice.

 

In the ghettooooo, a child was.born, and i dont remember the other words to the song but i'll mumble along like i think i do....in the ghetto

 

I admit I've 'vanished' a few times, when the guy was creeping me out or seriously irritated me.

I'm not talking about a guy, who doesn't get a hint. This is about people, who don't get a clear message. When it's said politely, some guys just don't take it seriously.

When someone doesn't understand 'You're disrupting me.' and 'I need some peace here, because I'm working.' mean the same as 'Leave me alone.', there's really no point in saying anything at all.

 

Wrong, anxiety, is a psychological issue and response, meaning it involves the limbic brain (the emotion center of the brain), and in that sense is physical but you can't swallow a pill to fix this problem without severe side effects.

Anti-anxiety drugs were NOT made for insecure daters, and in fact could emotionally numb you on the dating scene which is just as bad a problem..

What you need is a boost of confidence, and to realize that there's really nothing to be anxious about.

The best daters are those who are having a good time on a public outing with a girl they think is amazing. Those people are calm, collected, focused, relaxed, flirty, able to hold a conversation filled with subtext that play into the date's flirting endeavors.

In fact girls might even be picking up on your anxiety in your PM texts, just by the way your phrasing your speech patterns.

---

In an nutshell: Anxiety usually comes off as = insecure , creepy, clinger, dangerous to women on the dating scene.
In some exceptions it might be cute and adorable to see a man besotted by you in that way, but this interpretation by women only happens IF she feels safe around you. In my experience, those exceptions happen when the boy/man had someone in their corner who recommend to the girl/woman that he would be a good date (aka: SAFE).

 

This is why I stay away from online dating.

 

This is true. I think a lot of women are afraid to clearly express how they feel, because they were raised to be 'nice'. The other problem with teenagers and young women is that they often play 'mind games', string guys along, aren't sure about their own feelings, are very concerned with how they are perceived by their peers and being 'cool' and 'popular' is very important to them.

Unfortunately some never outgrow it.
It is a matter of maturity, experience and sometimes common decency.

The tone of voice and body language are a major part of communication, though. The majority understands the difference between an inviting, carefree tone and a cool dismissal, regardless of gender. This of course only works, when a woman isn't afraid to show her feelings.
Which brings us back to 'woman have to be nice' idea.

What you have written is all true. I see now, that my example wasn't a very good one. It's something that happened in the library a year ago and in those circumstances the message was very clear. There really was no way to understand it as anything less than "don't bother me again." The guy thought I was being coy or was just joking. Man assume things too.
The message obviously flew over his head so I did clarify it for him.
I think in most cases girls notice, when the guy doesn't get it. 'Nice' girls often don't do anything about it, though. Usually because they don't know how to do it, without being perceived as rude.

Women's speak, as you call it, is irritating. (good name )
It's not that difficult to crack, though. You can decode it by thinking: "What wasn't said?"
(This sounds extremely ridiculous.)

Example of decoding women's speak:
When a girl gives an excuse without proposing another, more appropriate time, it usually means she's not interested. To make sure of it, ask if you can talk later. If she answers 'yes', but doesn't sound very interested about it at all, it's very likely this actually means 'no'.

 

This happens all the time. Even me. I don´t care when it happens to me. I don´t think it´s a big deal.