I don't understand

I didn't know where to put this.. there is no discussions about dating that I can see and my god, that should warrant a whole section alone.

Anyway, I've been dating some recently (mostly off of online sites) for the first time in my life and it's really just damaged my faith in humanity. Why do people think it's ok to ignore someone at the drop of a hat or for no reason at all? I know for a fact I'm not being creepy or anything else. I just don't understand how someone justifies that? What, just because the internet provides anonymity we're not real people all of the sudden? If you're reading this and you've ever ignored a guy who wasn't a creep and wasn't pushy, was perfectly normal and nice to you , then FUCK YOU. I guarantee he'd rather be told the truth no matter how ugly and shallow than to be ignored.

I mean I've talked to people in msgs gone back and forth, gotten the number, then sent a text just to say hey , this is my number AND THEY FUCKING IGNORE ME THEN! Wtf? I even sent a msg on the site 2 or so days later briefly saying 'hey I sent you a text the other day, not sure if you got it.' NOTHING. That particular thing has happened twice. I could list numerous examples. I just don't get it.

As a final point to this I just want to speak to the women on here who are dating and say: As long as the dude isn't creepy or being a dick, please don't ignore him. Just be honest and open. I know some of you may have spent your whole lives being passive-aggressive but there's no better time than now to change.

edit: I just wanted to point out that it hasn't been all bad , I've met some really cool open and honest people. It's just that by and large this has been my experience.

 

"you've ever ignored a guy who wasn't a creep and wasn't pushy, was perfectly normal and nice to you , then FUCK YOU"

That sounds really like angry and defensive. Maybe you are creepier than you think. Maybe not, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt here?

Do you have pictures up? No one like to talk to someone that they can't look at and make sure they find them attractive and they can kinda picture them when they talk/write to them.

Try just giving your number next time and wait for her to make the first move. She's probably not going to ignore you if you responding to her text.

Anyways... I have some experience with this on the other end and I've done this. It was more like I planned a sex hook-up and then suddenly was like "wtf am I THINKING?" and I just want to ignore it away. Not the best way to deal with it, but really not that big of a deal in the scheme of things.

Just let it roll off your back. You don't want to hang out with somebody that's gonna act all weird like that right? So don't let it eat at you.

 

Oh geez... think you're taking it a little too personal. Maybe the girl or girls started talking to someone else instead and changed their mind because of that? Maybe she was drunk and later on was like "oh no..what was I doing"... maybe she wasn't drunk but just changed her mind anyways- I mean, who knows why... maybe her ex texted her right before you. Maybe she was chatting with a few diff people trying to figure out who to hook up with.... who knows. I wouldn't bother trying to figure out things like that or having no faith in humanity or whatever.

 

Were you the one who always started the conversation or not?

If your answer is yes, then you were pushy.
If not, read again what AmericanTerrorist posted.

PS: I have no experience with dating sites, just with men.

 

Honestly man women have all the power on dating sites! For everyone of them there are probably about 30 guys. They get tons of messages so for them to blow off some guys it is no big thing. It sucks and can be discouraging, but is part of the online game. One of the reasons I was never into it. I always had way better luck in person. Not to mention there are many on there that just like all of the attention. The only way to really know what a person is all about is to meet them and that doesn't happen all that much on dating sites.

 

i don't think this is restricted to the internet.

 

I'm just going to say that I'm completely open and honest with them about everything way before we ever even meet. That has never been a deal-breaker so far. Most of the time they are lying to me about this or that. Mostly, their pics are from ages ago when they were skinny. Mine actually look like me. This is a whole different tangent though..
I'm mostly talking about the period of time before I get someones number to soon after I get it. If i get someone on the phone, it's all good. Never had a problem. But for some reason the messaging leading up to that is just a wasteland of confusion for me. When it happens we are literally going back and forth and I ask normal questions like: What are your interests, what are you looking for on here, etc. Maybe they assume I'm boring, I don't get it?
As far as the texting thing goes, well yea you could be right, they could be busy and such and that's why I give them time to respond after a week or so... yea I get a little pissed lmao But to give someone your number and then immediately ignore them .. huh? After I get their number, I literally tell them, "hey I'll send you a text so you can save my number in your phone." Implying that i am NOT trying to conversate with them at this moment. I honestly think it's not just me but something of a trend with younger people (they often are 5 or so (sometimes more) years younger than me). The older ones are more open and honest but the younger people I talk to can be shady as fuck. I still don't get it lol. It seems as if they are being hyper-judgemental and reading into shit that's not there. Or maybe they just do this shit on a whim. Maybe they got distracted? "Well I really like piano and Oh! A butterfly!" lmao Just guessing, I really couldn't tell you.

and yea I was pissed off when I wrote that, if you couldn't tell

 

You all might want to jump down his throat but it's true. You can see how often they reply on the site i'm on. Most of the ones I've dealt with didn't reply to the majority of their messages. The ones I talked to about this said they simply didn't have the time, that they were flooded with msgs.
If this were in person, I am confident that I would do well. Even better if I get a quick phone call in before we actually meet. Also, about the attention thing ABSOLUTELY TRUE. Some just go on there for a little self esteem boost. They could be chatting it up with you the whole time never really having the intention of meeting you.

 

Darlin', if I don't start the conversations, most of them will never know I exist. Same with any other guy on there. Most of them get so many messages they feel they don't even need to seek out dudes profiles and send them messages. Furthermore, many girls just don't do that for the most part. They like to be pursued. Usually, just the fact they reply means you got your foot in. I never have a problem with that.

 

Exactly! But that's not my gripe my gripe is why not tell me that shit instead of just never responding? What is it today with people where they have so much trouble being honest, open, and nice to other people? To me, it's borderline sociopathic behavior. You have to literally give 0 fucks about the other person or putting yourself in their shoes to do that.
Yea, no I haven't given up on humanity yet lmao I was just mad when I wrote that

 

I am not to worried if people don't approve of what I said, because I know it is the truth. Maybe I just hurt someones feelings, because they thought they were pretty special getting all those messages from all those guys. Every woman on those sites do. Also my lady and I have talked to women we know that admitted to going on those sites just for shits and giggles.

 

You are correct!

 

Of course I have pics up. They wouldn't talk to me in the first place if they didn't think I was cute, bottom line. Yea I was obviously mad when I wrote that lol That's usually not the mindset I'm in when I talk to people online
Thanks for the advice though. As far as giving the number out... when should I do that? I like to do it before I get to 30 msgs or so (me and her combined) mainly because I'm trying to get out of the wasteland safely and relatively quickly (see above ) lol. I only do this when I can tell they will be receptive to it. Sometimes though it could be too early for them to talk on the phone and to just throw your number out like that, you end up just ruining it. I prefer to ask if they'd be cool with that first. Maybe I'm doing it wrong? I don't know... I'm just trying to be logical about it lmao

 

They actually are all well aware of my situation once I get them on the phone. So far , it's never been a deal-breaker. That I smoke weed every now and then has been more of a deal-breaker. But yes, I'm seeing doctors now trying to get a diagnosis. Thanks for your understanding and concern.

 

Some of you may be thinking that if I have such a problem with online dating why do I do it? Well, I live in a more 'urban' area. Since I've been here I've met many people and while they were mostly nice and cool to talk to, I didn't have much in common with them on a deeper and/or intellectual level. I did not grow up here so I don't have a circle of friends here that could help with that either.

 

Since you posted this thread in Relationships, I assume you're not just looking for a hook-up.

When you contact a girl two or three times and have some quality conversation going, if she's really interested in you, she will initiate contact next time.

Sure, it's good for their (our?) self-esteem. It does't make you better boyfriend material, though.

 

Oi, another one of these. Get out there in real life and work your game. A guy going for girls, with dating sites your on the backfoot to start with

 

What are your interests? Start going to places and joining in activities that interest you. You've got much higher chances of meeting someone you like there than on some random web site.

 

Here's part of your problem.

Dating, and getting laid isn't logical, it's an emotional art. Triggering certain reactions and whatnot.

If you're looking for something more serious, then the above still applies but in a different way.

1. You gotta acknowledge that a LOT of those profiles are trolls (middle school or high school girls pretending to be women flirting with grown men for laughs and giggles)

2. Some women also just want attention and want to flirt

3. Some of them a serial killers

4. If you land a genuine face-to-face meeting, the women in question might be polite and finish your date but in her head she's thinking your a relationship dead end and has no interest in meeting you again. She'll take your number to be polite and not call again.

Why do they do this? Because it gives them a high chance that if you happen to be a crazy serial killer or emotionally unstable in some way they'll be home safe and sound before you realize that YOU'VE BEEN REJECTED!

Remember women communicate with a non-verbal language of tact, tone, body language, and what is implied by things that are not said (i.e. sarcasm, backhanded compliments, inside jokes). They are used to communicating this way with each other and men by nature really don't like this because they want verbal answers of yes or no.

5. You could be coming on too pushy, and therefore insecure and therefore red flag triggered.

6. They got lazy or busy and just didn't respond. Nothing nefarious here, so stop overreacting cuz then they'll think your insecure.

7. They weren't looking for anything serious and you were there was a no reason to continue contact. They want flings.

8. A technical issue (their computer died, internet service got cut, phone stolen, got hospitalized, got sick, or got killed)

9. They met someone else

10. They were already with someone else

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Anyway I get what you're saying, just learn to adapt and not take it personally.

And when you land a good girlfriend, appreciate her but don't smother her either.

What you experience is not limited to online introduction/dating/flirting either. You could meet in person and have the same thing happen to you as well.

(Note: Also if you look like you don't take care of yourself, you'll turn off a lot of women, or if they learn your in deep financial trouble living in your mother's basement that's a huge turnoff.

Women (and girls for that matter) love a man with a life goal plan that doesn't revolve around having a wife or girlfriend.

It's also possible you're targeting to young a demographic to date for a serious relationship. Your profile says you're 30? And what are the ages of the women you're targeting to date and with what frequency?

Most 20 year olds I know, want to party, they aren't looking for anything serious. The "friends with benefits", and one-night stands situations are hip, and etiquette is not necessarily formally polite because it's not serious, it's more business-like.

 

do you have transportation? i assume by "urban area" you mean you live in the ghetto. well that sucks, but ghettos are almost always not too far from more respectable areas with a large variety of people and interests to choose from.