I dont understand

You know, I can't say I ever self-injured for the attention, at least not consciously, but I do have to admit, I did get a little sick self-satisfaction from the rare times someone did notice my scars. I will be the first to tell you, I enjoy a little attention, I like a little spotlight, so I guess putting the puzzle together now makes a little more sense. I know my main reasoning for doing it was because I had a shitload of emotions raging around inside me and cutting was a means of releasing some of that pressure. And then after a few times, it started to feel good, that pain on my arms, instead of inside. But when my dad saw my arms after a particularly bad night (we had just buried my grandpa and my boyfriend had dumped me the night before), and he cried, my heart fell to the floor and crashed into a million pieces. When you get past the selfishness of your acts and see what it does to the people who love you more than anything, it can make you open your eyes and see past your own sadness. It's a very selfish world self-injurers tend to live in and I wish every single one of them could see their fathers cry as they look at what their babies did to themselves, because it might open their eyes to someone else's hurt for once.

My case isn't everyone's. I don't expect every single self-injurer to share my reasons or experiences, but I know my own, and I know if I was like that, then there are a hell of a lot of others who were and are like that. I wasn't a bad person, just upset and caught in my own spiderweb of teenage hormones, but god...that morning with my dad will probably stick with me for a long time. It made us closer, but at what cost?

 

You need to re-read my post, you clearly missed round-abouts 100% of it.

Cutting IS most definitely a life destroyer. It's all about teaching young people to not be able to handle even little things without having to hurt themselves. Even if they never hurt themselves seriously (which is very possible, from staph infection to hitting a vein/artery, gangrene, etc), it teaches them that this is an acceptable way to fix things. And it doesn't fix a thing, it breaks more. And then they can feel like some sort of victim... oh, woe is them, with the cuts they made on their own arms and all the people in their jr. high calling them the DEVIL

And yes, it's common. But only where it is common. Again, it's very rare, until someone knows of it's existence. It's a very very very rare behavior to spontaneously arise, very few people ever think to cut themselves without an outside influence, that's just not how it works. As soon as a single person does it, an entire school is doing it, it's infectious.

As for my advice being judgmental, some things need judging. People choosing to hurt themselves is one of those things. Not only does it spread and hurt OTHERS as I described before, it is very frequently the start of a totally wasted life. And it is also linked to a pretty high probability that their whole problems are due to some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. People reflect back what you show them, and if you cut, people will know this (again, hiding it is never effective, which the cutters always know) and will really ostracize you for it... and from a perspective of the health of others, this is a good thing...

 

I have noticed that everyone thinks Im Cutting for Attention. This is a LIE. I HATE Attention. In my Band Class I cryed and ran out of the Room for our first Playing Test because of all the People that would be watching me. After I had MANY Second thoughts about going into that class again. MANY. I HATE Attention with all my Heart. Another reason why I dont do Solos for Dance if I can help it. Solos for anything actually.

Also, aparently Depression runs in my Family. ALL my Sisters have had it and BOTH my Parents. I dont know for sure if any of them Cut themselfs but it doesnt seem like it. I can also hide my Cuts well without anything covering them. My Cat and Dogs cut me up all the time so when theres suddenly more no one really notices.

 

You may not consciously be doing it for attention. And you may not even realize it until long after you've stopped. Like I said, I never consciously did it for attention, but the minute someone noticed and I felt like someone finally could see the emotions I was dealing with, it felt so good. Stop cutting yourself and find someone to confide in. If you have another outlet, you may not feel the need to hurt yourself as much. If you've just begun, you can still quit pretty easily. Don't let yourself spiral out of control, you've already addressed the problem, now it's time to figure out a solution.

 

When my Friends found out it didnt make me feel happy or anything. It actually made me want to lie to them and tell them I stopped and hide them. It made me want to not see them so they would stop asking me things.

 

So, then, I guess this brings me to the question of do you want to stop? Do you want help? Because if you do, you're going to have to open up to someone other than a bunch of strangers online. If you are in school, try to speak with your school psychologist or counselor. Depression is pretty common, especially when you're young, and there are a million ways to channel your emotions and get them under control besides self-injuring.