I Don't Understand How To Have Casual Sex

With a few minor exceptions (all of which involved psychedelic drugs and/or music festivals), I've never had sex with someone I wasn't at least under some pretext of dating. I see a girl I find cute, and I ask her out and show her a good time and eventually convince her to have sex with. That's my thing and it always has been my thing, but I just got out of a long and emotionally devastating bad relationship and I would like to stay away from serious romantic involvement for at least a couple months. I've also met a girl who I might consider dating in the future, but I won't see her until sometime next fall. I need to have sex though and I need some degree of companionship. I can only focus inwardly so much!

I go to University and I hang out with people into weird cults and fetish things and it seems like everyone but me is just hooking up and having a good time. I'm a pretty fit, good-looking guy, and I'm very confident and at least bearable to talk to, and I'm not broke, but I just don't know how to go about getting involved with people outside the dating paradigm. What does one do exactly? It seems like some of my friends have a similar problem. They're always getting into relationships with girls they really just wanted to fuck (and the girls often feel the same way), but everyone's too awkward about it to say it. How do I get around this and join in the fun? I don't understand the social paradigm of casual sex.

 

Why don't you do other things with girls rather than sex and have casual playing? Because as humans we are pretty much wired to reproduce and take care of children by staying with the person we reproduce with. That doesn't mean we're good at it, but that is why it's complicated to just have casual sex without any of the relationship stuff coming into play.

If you absolutely must have casual sex then you have to say it just like that. Plain and simple, say it. Some girls might not be up for that, then you just move on to the next one and say the say thing to her.

 

I'm not so sure that hookup culture is especially functional/healthy. To some degree, you may be experiencing the facebook phenomenon of envying the outward appearances of others while the appearances may be false.

To some degree having a fuckbuddy relationship could be ok, but I think there has to be some level of interpersonal connection for it to be good.

I think trying to have strictly sexual relationships fucks with your head. Sex may be the main motive, but you'd probably be better off having no sex than having complete depersonalized sex.

Maybe try to explain to some girl that you just broke up with someone and aren't ready for anything serious.

 

Yeah I'm down with that. I just don't really know how to approach things so that I get into that sort of relationship.

 

Find a girl with slutface and have drinks with her. It's worked for a very long time, if all else fails? Trust your gut.

 

Shit, I know, right?

For that matter, I don't understand how to start a relationship and have sex, either.

 

Good answers above. I vote hang out with women you like for just the companionship part and masturbate until you feel comfortable in the relationship - or non-relationship- whatever it may be. Masturbation is perfect and fulfills the needs easily without using anyone else or growing needlessly attached or risking pregnancy or venereal disease.

 

Yeah, you wish

 

If it isn't working for you, forget about it. It's not important. It's not for everybody.

 

I understand how it is done, it just doesn't always work out when we try Another reason I and many other guys don't seem to get many casual sex - or relationship sex for that matter -, is because they are not willing to try and approach many ladies in a row and be shot down until you get lucky. This seems to be the most succesful approach to 'get some' on a regular basis (all depends on the details of course), but the less we want to try the less chance naturally that we're going to funky town.
This is all between our ears I guess, because when I see another guy in a bar taking his chances with one girl after the next until he finds someone willing I think 'pathetic', while if you have less scrupules and shame about this the 'pathetic' guy who succeeds in the end of the evening is often thinking this about people like me

Personally when I take my chances it is with the concept in mind of quality above quantity

 

Tis true about the ones who don't mind getting shot down repeatedly ^^ it seems their nerve alone can be amusing enough to start a conversation at times

 

Personally, I really don't mind being rejected frequently. After a certain point; the more often you are rejected, the more self-confident you feel. It's just that I am never in situations with many girls, and that I like to keep sort of high standards. I'm in university on a science only campus and it sort of seems like nobody is down to go outside of their little studying stress festival bubble and socialize with anybody in the first place. I don't really go to many bars. The only time I ever hook up with anybody is on the festival circuit fduring the summer. I used to meet girls at raves, but nowdays everybody's too much into the drug thing to care for any socializing, it seems.

 

It's not only the fact of rejection that I dislike, I also dislike targeting one woman after another. It feels cheap. Even if they would be unaware of this practice themselves. It's just not what I like when I 'chase a girl'. I rather go after one and take my losses if necessary.

I agree putting yourself out there is good for your self confidence Yeah, it seems to be a bit of a high standard 'problem' here too (i'm not complaining, as it suits me personally) About the rave thing and the drugs focus, I bet it just looks like that. There are enough people caring about fun socializing too. Besides, don't people of any gender get more social on drugs like mdma etc.

 

yeah the problem is that everyone lost the magic and stopped doing mdma. They all do ketamine now. Ketamine does NOT make you more sociable

 

What do they like about it?

 

I love casual sex.

If only I had a steady supply of it. I could, but I am very picky.

 

I think pretty much everybody likes the idea of casual sex if the people they could do it with matches all their preferences

 

Everybody? No, a lot of women absolutely detest the idea of it, and everything associated with it.

 

I also dislike some things associated with it. But the key point is the IF I included. I think that would count for a lot of women too. Pretty much everybody has their little fantasies (wether they admit it in public or not ). Doesn't mean they want to act it out, especially not if they don't see it happening how they would ideally prefer it. At least not on a regular basis. That would include, just like for men, a more slutty approach most do not feel like giving into.

 

No.

Huge assumption on your part. How would you know that?