I don't like my stepdad because he's ugly

I've felt this way for a few years now. I can't really complain about his personality or morals. The outside is what I don't like. I can't believe my mom married him. She agrees with me that he's ugly. In the beginning of their relationship her friends and family also pointed it out to her. It's not just me that thinks this way.

Sometimes I feel bad because it's not like he chose his physical appearance or looks. But other other times I feel like this is how I think and feel and there's nothing I can do about it. Some feelings or thoughts can be changed but maybe sometimes they can't.

Can I change how I feel or think about him?. How do I learn to accept or like him?

 

Put yourself in your step dad's shoes.
Put yourself in a paraplegic's shoes (no pun intended)
Put yourself in a conjoined twins shoes
Put yourself in the Elephant man's shoes

Now think about your heart and what's inside your step-dad's heart that counts.

Your mom is a beautiful human being for loving a man for how he loves her and not about his appearance.

Seek professional counseling to help you learn.
You'll be a way more incredible step-son and even better human being.

I also suggest watching the movie
The Elephant man 1980
It will lift your heart in so many good ways

 

I know it's not nice to think this way. To not like someone just because of their physical appearance. My mom could have done much better. She agrees he's ugly which means she's not physically attracted to him.

If I put myself in his shoes I wouldn't like my stepson to not like me just because I'm ugly. But maybe I would understand that that's how he feels and there's not much I can do about it. I know we should judge people by what's on the inside but it's hard to ignore the outside.

 

I guess he has a nice personality. He's a quiet man. Hard to really judge a quiet person. He's a good husband. Apart from his looks he's alright. You'd have to be more specific if you want more details

 

One of life's "Golden Rules" is to treat others as you would like them to treat you. You'd best not be judging the book by its cover.

 

This is the mindset you need to get out of, otherwise nothing will change.
The only one in the world you can change you and the way you feel and think, is YOU.

 

What lovely replies there Pete.
Your posts there tell me that you are a lovely considerate human being.
And I applaud you.

 

I'm have trouble figuring out HOW and if it's possible to get out of this mindset

 

I am sorry to sound so blunt, but the person who I feel sorry for is your mother.

She may have put physical attraction aside, in order to provide a secure and happy home for her family, YOURSELF INCLUDED.

Now you repay her by attempting to derail her hopes at every turn, destroying her happiness and hopes for the future at the same time.

YOU are the ONLY one with a problem and that is the only thing that you need help in understanding. I cannot suggest an "olegist" of any description.
How about taking a long hard look in the mirror for starters.

 

If there is a will there is a way.

Your will is stronger than any other thing and it will persevere.

 

It's been 10 years since I known him. When I was younger I didn't really think about if he was ugly or not. We used to play video games together we got along fine. I can get along with him fine but that doesn't change what I think of his looks. As I got older I started to think more about different things which also includes other people's looks.

What I wish was my mom picked a better looking guy. An average looking guy not a below average looking guy. I wish my mom would have done better. Every time I look at him I'm reminded of his looks, that he's ugly and not aesthetically easy on the eyes.

If he was just a ugly stranger I wouldn't have a problem. But it's the fact my mom married him and I have to look at him .

 

Huh? Has he provided everything you and your mom needed?

 

I think your complaint is somewhat shallow

 

Don't realize just how shallow you are? Shame,that.

 

QUOTE]

In my defense I think most people have similar thoughts. When your looking for a partner their looks matter. You can't just look at someone that you don't find attractive and just will your way to finding them attractive. That example is not the same in my situation but it is similar.

Think about something or someone that you find ugly to look at. Can you look and somehow view it as beautiful

 

Yea he has

 

She agrees that he's ugly. She's never said that he's anything but unattractive. She married him because he's nice

 

....
I always believed this.
There is no point in having a relationship mainly based on how beautiful or handsome a person is.
There is no point at all in being Married to a handsome bastard or a beautiful bitch.

My first Wife was beautiful I do believe, but she had the most foulest temper of anyone I have ever known.
When she lost it she would always go to try and claw my face, and many was the time I went into work with scratches on my face.
Once when I was trying to get away from her I was running up the stairs.
She managed to grab me by the balls and I remember to this day looking down at her face and I couldn't go up the stairs, and I couldn’t go down the stairs until she released my nuts.

I would have been better Married to a nice placid and considerate Quasimodo than stay with her.

As it was she ran off with another bloke after 12 years of marriage.
Thank fluck for that!

 

That proves that looks aren’t everything then. How old are you, by the way?

 

You don’t like your stepdad because he’s ugly- but he treats you and your mom nice, takes care of your needs, etc., but he’s just so ugly in appearance, that you find it worth talking about on a forum. We’re used to people talking about getting molested by their father or something similar but just as shocking. THATS ugly.