I'm in love with my fiancee for 5 years now and I love her very much, but two years ago I met a guy and from the suck buddies we started a kind of sexually-emotional relationship. He's my best friend, and I know he loves me so much, but it's hard to make it all work together as friends now. I don't want to hurt him as I did lately, but I'm not sure what can I offer him. My fiancee knows that there is something more but I never told her I love him, he's her best friend. And lately, I did put him on the side, so he freaks out coz he thought we were in a relationship. I don't want to lose him, I don't know if I can be with a man, and I don't want to lose my fiancee. What to do
Though this is, indeed, a VERY complex (and sensitive) situation, the BEST you can do is to simply try to "sort everything out", as best you can. DO NOT make ANY hasty moves. Weigh your options carefully, do not deny your desires or emotions, and be as HONEST and OPEN as possible. Let your common sense and "basic instincts" be your guides at this time. Certainly hope all works out for the best, my friend.....keep the faith..... "Live long and prosper"
that's a tough spot to be in - quite an added twist that you and your fiance and your best pal are also connected to each other as you described. I'd say you need to find where your heart really is -a and be as open as possible with each person involved in this. Each person also has to make up their own mind about what they want, too, and what they can tolerate. It is a big step to take = but you know, sometimes the steps we need to take look much bigger before we take them than after we take them. be true to yourself and be gentle with each other.
The three of you need to have a serious conversation and be as open and honest as you can to both of them. It's a tough situation to be in.
You already are. Both of your lovers deserve scrupulous honesty from you; including your fears, uncertainties, and confusion. Anything less will poison any future you might try to build together. Better for all concerned to live with integrity and courage and let the chips fall where they may, than try to cobble together relationships based upon the corrosive lies you tell each other and yourself.
Its pretty simple. If your fiancé wants a monogamous relationship, your male friend will have to be told that that side of your relationship cannot continue. If your fiancé is up for a open relationship, you can have the best of both worlds. However the whole thing with either, needs to be built on trust, else you may lose both of them. How would you like that carrying on behind your back with someone you loved. Its not fair on them, involve them in the discussion and at least you will know.
I'm going to add one thing to this that @Jamie28London wrote: If YOU want a monogamous relationship with your fiancé! This is more about you and what you want - Too bad what your fiancé wants - it is what you want in your life. That sound very cold, I know... but as others have said - you really need to be open and honest with each of these people who are dear to you. They deserve that, but you deserve it, too. If you do what you think she wants as the right thing to do, and you know you have this proclivity for attraction to men sexually, and even emotionally - and you send this guy away, who is both of your best friends - some day you will find yourself in a similar situation, and you will be sneaking behind her back, and trying to balance things. I feel quite profoundly that fate has handed you this time to get it right. I hope you can.
