i dont know what to do without her

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by JesseF109, Mar 10, 2008.

  1. JesseF109

    JesseF109 Member

    My story is long, and complicated, but I will shorten it as much as possible.

    I am in love with this girl. I have been for over 2 years, and we have been dating for 1.5 years. Before we were dating, we were best friends.

    We seemed to have a perfect relationship, we were always happy to be around each other, and it seemed to be unconditional, true love. I would do anything for her, and I gave her everything I could, especially my love and caring. All I asked from her was to love me in return, and to hug me (hugs mean a lot to me), care about me, and be there for me when I needed her.

    Recently, she started hanging out with another guy. I asked her about it, and she broke up with me, blaming me and telling me that I didn't make her happy and that she was never in love with me.

    I got her to finally talk to me, and she told me that she was falling for the other guy. She told me that she just wants to be my best friend again, but nothing more. I'm heartbroken, and I'm not sure what to do. I really need advice.
     
  2. Lady of the Freaks

    Lady of the Freaks Senior Member

    apparently, it just wasn't meant to be. she wasn't feelin' the same things you were and/or did not feel fulfilled. was she asking you for something that you weren't giving her?
     
  3. JesseF109

    JesseF109 Member

    well, i told her that in a relationship that communication should be open and we shouldn't ever be afraid to tell each other anything. i gave her everything i could, but being human, i can't literally do everything for her.

    she always told me about how amazing i was, and how i always kept her happy, and she wanted to be with me forever. she told me that she would never break my heart, because she loved me more than anything.

    even people who hated us have been telling me that we seemed so perfect for each other, and she always seemed happy with me. before she met me, she was quiet, unsocial, and pretty much scowled at everyone that came near her. i got to know her, and she opened up to me. i made her understand that i was trustworthy, and she trusted me. after that, she started to trust more and more people, and now she is for the most part a happy, caring person.
     
  4. Asswoman

    Asswoman Member

    I went though something like you are going though. She likes this other guy because he is new. The newness with you is over. If she only new , what is really happening. You need her to read a book called The 5 love lauganges of couples. It would help you both in a relationship. The one thing I can tell you is. she is stupid. Because little does she know that you have been with her though the ups and downs. you know her at here worst and best. This new guy has not experienced this. So how will he react. Hang in there. If you LOVE her then FIGHT. That is what I am doing. But you have to ask yourself does she LOVE you the same. If not. Then you will find someone who will love you. I know your pain. Be strong
     
  5. JesseF109

    JesseF109 Member

    i forgot to mention- one of the nights that we were talking about us, she was getting tired from all the stress of the break-up. we were talking at her house, and she told me that she wanted to love me again, but she just didn't feel it anymore. she said that if i could keep trying, that she would also keep trying. she told me that i would have "competition" with the other guy. then she asked to sleep on me. i said that she didn't have to ask, and she put her head in my lap and slept for about 30 minutes before i made her go to bed.

    the next day, i asked her if she remembered any of it, and she did not. i reminded her, and she said it was only "kind of true".

    i'm not sure what to think about this..
     
  6. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    You're young.

    Love will come and love will go. You will survive...trust me. It may not seem like it now, but you will be much happier in the future.

    Don't give up...you have plenty of time to live and love. You will be happy again sooner than you think :)

    Good luck. Let her go. If it was meant to be...it will be...don't force anything.
     
  7. Lady of the Freaks

    Lady of the Freaks Senior Member

    kinda sounds like she loves you but does not desire you. you might want to make yourself scarce for awhile. you may be too available. it works that way sometimes.
     
  8. acga5

    acga5 Senior Member

    i say shoot them both!
     
  9. JesseF109

    JesseF109 Member

    Thank you, everyone. Really.

    Here's what I've decided to do. She may be taking me for granted. If she realizes that going with this guy is a mistake, or ironically yet, if he realizes that going with her is a mistake, she may want me to take her back. If she wants that, she is going to have to work for that. She broke my trust, and my heart. If she can earn it, I'll let her back. But I won't open up completely until I trust her completely again... that way if she pulls something like this again, I won't have to feel the pain again.

    Whatcha think?

    The real question now, I suppose, is how do I go about breaking this to her?
     
  10. JesseF109

    JesseF109 Member

    Oh, and by the way, my heart doesn't hurt anywhere nearly as bad as it did before. My friends are amazing in the way that they are always there with logical support, not just the usual "hug-and-say-sorry" crap.

    This forum has helped a great deal, as well. Thank you!
     
  11. hey ive been reading your post man and i have a similar situation. Found a girl that i thought would be with for a longggggg time, we made long term plans she made promsies to me about loving me forever and never hurting me etc. I myself avoided relationships most of my life because of drama but this time i wanted to make an exception. I told her how sensative i was and that if she got involved with me i would become strongly attached to her, and she accepted and recognized that eevn after i told her not to bother if she couldnt. long story short she completly detached from me after i gave her everything. chills with new guys that are a little sketchy and not so cool to girls in my opinion and basically thier just jerks. she hooks up with a new guy too. Basically man what u said on your last post is the place im at. I know this guy isnt gunna work out for her because i know the type of person she is. and maybe after shell regret what she did with me, but she sure as hell will have to proove it... i will always love this girl despite how she fucked me over so badly.. and basically stabbed me in the back... My advice is look for other girls, be pateint and let fate run its course.. ive been worknig on that and its already getting better.. it just sucks to see her around :/
     
  12. MaryJane69

    MaryJane69 Member

    if she wasnt meant to be, you are better off this way. she isnt into you, and even if you love her, if she doesnt love you back you deserve better.
     
  13. Asswoman

    Asswoman Member

    I am glad for you. You must have giood friends. I am by myself. All my friends are his and all his are mine. So SCREWED for me. My heart is not hurting as bad now as before. But the only thing is I am longing for someone. But I don't know If I am ready for someone else or its him. I still would like for US to work out. But I need to know from him like you said. he broke my trust, and my heart. If he can earn it, I'll let him back in my life.He has been trying that I can tell. Just some stuff he does, raises my attention. But good luck with relationships.
     
  14. His Eden

    His Eden Queen of Mean

    When you break up, it is best to move on. If in the future you meet up with the ex and things work out, great. Why waste your time and emotion on someone who's loyalties lie elsewhere; life is entirely too short. They aren't waiting around for you so why extend them the courtesy.

    Don't give her a "this is what you have to do to win me back speech" or anything like it. Stop rehashing things and move on. If it is meant to work out it will....if not you won't be pissed because you waited for a week, month, whatever while she decided if the new guy was a "better" catch.
     
  15. Lady of the Freaks

    Lady of the Freaks Senior Member

    is she around the same age? you gave her a whole lot of responsibility here that she prolly wasn't ready for in any way. it almost sounds like a threat too. could have been kinda scary. i mean, she could have wondered 'what is he gonna do if it doesn't work out? kill himself? kill me? fall apart?' sorry but you can't make your own 'sensitivity' someone else's problem. you're supposed to keep that to yourself, and take the risk that it will work out or pass. we all take the same risk in love. if you want to make yourself attractive to someone, you don't make yourself sound like a burden right out of the gate.
     
  16. shes two years younger.. i mean she was my first real serious girlfreind type deal, i learned alot out of loosing her and what u said is totally true now that i think about it all.. i just wish i woulda known going into it. its ironic how now that i lost her i would know how to better deal with her.. ehh life goes on i guess.. i still got a hole in my heart tho.
     

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