i did myself with a carrot am i going to die?

You may have traumatized the poor carrot, but it,s not going to kill you LOL!!!!!!!!!!

 

I lmao so hard i cant find it

 

According to the statistics, 95% of people have eaten carrots within one month of their death. It is a terrible thing, and not widely reported.

 

Have you never wiggled a carrot about in your hand? They snap. They break very easily. You'd have been plugged up and fit to burst until you plucked up the courage to tell someone you had half a carrot stuck up your arse.

 

I have seen a girl with a lost zucchini, a lost vibe (still running) that had buzzed it's way up-up-up, and guys with golf balls, a shot glass, jam jar, tin of boot polish (a sailor), and a screw-in light bulb. The vibe required surgery as it couldn't be reached, as did the show polish can. Glass is the worst as if it shatters you can die. The worst I have ever seen was a guy who was doing himself in the shower with a piece of white plastic pipe who slipped back and impaled himself on it. It tore his intestine and sheared off the nerves to one aide of his pelvis. He told his wife it was a chop bone. By the time he arrived at the hospital he had a mass of blood, sh!t, and pus inside of him the size of a small watermelon and was medically evacced for urgent surgery. I believe he died.

 

You should wet the carrot or just use a pre-wettened carrot like me, im just packing the moisture. Those dry carrots, like the one you used, are trying to ruin the human race's pleasure by creating situations like yours. You see, the dry carrots are simply jealous of the wet carrots wetness that they enter peoples anuses and get stuck. Sure, it might be nice until you sneeze milk out of your little soldier, but afterwards, the time that really matters, you will feel the pain. The Sweet revenge of the dry carrot, infiltrating your anus and your life. They want to keep you people in pain, embarrassed, and to be honest I would be happy to jackhammer your anus, and earn my place in your now wet carrot filled heart.

SINCERELY THE WET CARROT.

 

Bad news is Yes you will die from that.... Good news is... you will see it coming....

 

Carrots will kill you...

...try a ginger root instead...

*shifty eyes*

 

Ahh -don't worry about it. I still have a cantaloupe up my ass from 1963.

 

.........cucumbers are much better and you can often pick your desired bend.

in this thread nobody mentioned the bacterial dangers of sticking a cock up your anus - you might not know where it's been..........

Simon:sunny:

 

lmfao! The fact that it was an organic carrot ruled out any chance of bacteria. That's the funniest thing I've read on here!

 

I really can't bring myself to read the whole thread...

To the op...

You could get carotenosis and turn orange....

On the bright side, you could get a couple of friends together and form the Orangeman Group...

 

Ha.

"What a maroon."

 

Add a tomato, some romaine,sliced cucumber , some onion and don't forget the croutons partner, do some squat jumps , add some dressing of your choice and your halfway to a decent supper. Enjoy.

 

Is that why they say...tossing a salad ?

 

No but your arsehole will be able to see in the dark. Lol!

 

you might not die, but the carrots fucked!

 

Don't forget to take it out

 

Thankfully the carrot did not break or else it would have been a embarrassment of sorts.