I cut myself...

okay-- i cut for 3 years of my life and told NOONE. tell someone, get help. it may be hard and you may say "hell no!"- thats what i said then-- but that's the depression speaking... you can be better. i'm here if you wanna talk. i'd love to help. --- email--- afi_llama@hotmail.com-- i also have msn messenger on that too.
jess

 

i do. i feel guilty easily. and i hate feeling guilty. and when i feel guilty, it's like, i need to punish myself. or if i've done something stupid, ill do it, and i won't feel as stupid anymore.
once i had a major panic attack and cut myself so deep the scars are still there. and that was last year. i don't even remember doing it.
resisting it is hard. especially when you like the scars it leaves. i know that sounds like messed up bullshit, but unless you've been there you'll never understand.

 

there's some people who think it's ok as long as you don't kill yourself. well, my boyfriend had a friend who had a fascination with choking himself. he got into a bad car accident and his friend died in his arms. after that he hung himself. it was probably easy to do it, having practice. self harming isn't something to be taken lightly. i hate it when people slap the emo label on someone, as if that helps. "oh, here, you belong to a group." that doesn't help at all. cutting should never be viewed as a "fad." it's been around longer than the word "emo".

 

ok people hold up... there is a difference between cutting when you feel bad for relief, and cutting yourself because it feels good.. like how someone said they cut and its "orgasmic" and how your bf's friend had a "fascination" with choking himself.. thats different.. you can get a head rush from cutting the blood off from your brain... and cutting because it feels orgasmic.. that sounds kinda like a kinky fetish..

but if you cut to make yourself feel better, you've got a problem.. i used to do it too...

i know how you feel when you need to do it.. you might have started using it as a way to relieve all those bad feelings.. or maybe you started doing it because you had become emotionally numb and wanted to feel something again.. maybe you also felt like you were punishing yourself for something.. maybe not.. but either way it became habitual when you started to use it as the main way to cope with your problems, and it became an addiction when you felt like you couldnt stop. i know your saying you dont want to, but you do.. inside you wish you didnt have to cut yourself to feel better, wouldnt you rather feel better already? or not ever feel that bad? i did. i also used drugs addictively.. and of course i also thought they were fun.. but inside i knew i had to stop, and would rather not even need them to feel happy and id rather deal with my problems in a healthy way..

you might have some mental or emotional problems if this has become a way to cope.. you might have depression, or anxiety... like me... maybe you've had a hard life, or a dysfunctional family.. i dont know but i do know its not "ok" to cut. theres nothing wrong with you for being a cutter, your not so "different" your not weird, your not freak, your not "emo"... we all have problems and for you this is one of them.. but its an addiction, a problem that feeds off of itself... the more you do it, the more you need to, and the worse you'll end up feeling when you dont do it, which will lead you back to self mutilation again.. its also not making bad feelings go away, its supressing them... and letting you hide from your problems instead of confronting them...

i needed help to get clean, and help for my other issues... but i was more of an impulsive cutter than a habitual one.. but i know many people like you too.. if its as hard as you say to stop.. you need help.. do you have loved ones who you can trust? you might need a therapist.. and theres nothing wrong with going to one...

 

But, the thing is, when you really fucking hate yourself, you don't think that you deserve any nice things. And anytime i've ever tried to use drugs to make myself feel better, i've used them to the point of excess and sickness. Because, really, my problem has always been self-punishment. I'm not anorexic, i can't really be classified as a "cutter", and i'm not a drug addict. I just... when I feel like i'm being bad, I feel good having control over how i discipline myself. "Okay, okay, i'll take all of those and i'll feel nice and then i'll get sick because i shouldn't have felt nice!" "okay, i'll eat some ice cream and then i won't eat for three more days." Fucked up, I know, but.... I don't know. I can't justify it. it just is.

 

cause your not supposed to justify it. you shouldnt treat yourself like that, you dont deserve some kind of "self-punishment"... not like that... :[

i feel bad for you, you need to get some help for problems like these, so you can find their route confront them and become more healthy and happy..

you're a really cute girl, and im sure your very smart and nice, dont let your problems destroy you. you shouldnt hate yourself. what makes you hate yourself?

 

I think anyone who cuts themselves is really sick in the head. They should all be put into an asylum and receive 24 hour psychiatric care.

 

I cut myself for two years and i thought it would help take away the pain i was feeling but it didnt, it just causedme more pain. You should stop now before it gets out of control. Your better than that and cutting yourslef wont help anything, it will just leave scars on you for the rest of your life and hurt people that love you the most. If you cant stop on your own then you need to find help. Nobody wants to see you hurt yourself like that. Just wait, whatevers going on in your life thats so bad will pass through. I hope you get threw this and i hope everything gets better for you.

 

My girlfreind sometimes cuts herself, it hurts me really bad but I know she does it to relieve stress... I donno I dont think like Dario western said "they should all be put into an asylum and receive 24 hour psychiatric care"...I mean seriouslly thats going overboard.. People do it not because they are crazy but because thats how they relieve stress...or so I think.

 

^ i love him so much. He's the reason why im here today and i might cut once in a while to relieve stress but im trying to stop because i know how much its hurting him and other poeple who care aboutm me. =]

 

That's an extremely insensitive thing to say, I want you to know.

 

If you think anyone who cuts themselves is really sick in the head you're sick in the head. You don't know about their life or circumstances.

 

also this person obviously doesn't realize just how many people there are out there like that.

someone i know was recently told (while at hospital) that if they put everyone who self-harms and cuts into a bed there'd be no beds left. and massive overflow into the system.

 

yeah i havnt cut in a while and i just did. I cant take everything anymore. Im so stressed out and sad.

 

Keep your chin up, doll. Don't stop fighting. I know it's all so much and it feels so right to do it, but... I'm sorry, I wish I had better advice, but since i struggle with the same thing, it's hard. At any rate, I love you. And look towards the future.

 

Thanks. Things did get better a little. I HATE drama

 

I did some cutting for a couple of years when I was at my lowest. It took my mind of the agony I was living in. Now my life has gotten better, and I've not done it in abt 4 years. I'll admit, sometimes when I am very stressed, I can feel my left arm tingling as if asking for it, but I tell myself no and it goes. A cousellor once told me it was a survival technique. Not a great one, but it kept me alive until I could do something better. Now I am geting divorced and rebuilding my life.

 

I used to, but I realized that it was just a cop out on dealing (or not) with the emotional pain.
It was stupid to even think about let alone try & I hope that you have luck realizing it too.

Peace, Love & health*

 

i guess this is a really bad thing to say as a psych nurse but i dont think its that bad the only thing thats bad it that it hurts other people when they find out.

 

like im sorry if this sounds heartless, i know people who used to do it just for attention and it annoyed fuck out of me...
tbh i think its pathetic...its just an easy way out from dealing with emotions which everybody HAS to deal with at some point in their lives....so what if you've had shit in your life? there are so many people with worse problems who just get on with it and deal with their feelings...
sort it out...i think its more attention than anything eg. the creation of this thread