seriously, i dont know how i got like this (most likely cause of my parents) but its gotten to the point where i cant enjoy anything at all because i keep myself refering to the past. like today, i got an offer for a new job, but now im upset because theyve been hiring and i havent worked all damn summer (parents) for no tangible reason and that pisses me off...but i know i shouldnt feel like that cause i did get the job..you see? im going to be a senior, but im not exicted in the least bit because i had a bad year last year. seriously the only thing that im faintly happy about is working and getting a liscence, not homecoming or hang up (pep rally) or even prom. if i found out prom were yesterday, i wouldnt care that i missed it, thats how i feel. i just need to find a way to forget the past, which is hard when it gets thrown into my face almost everyday...its almost like im not happy anymore.
I know what you mean, my sister and I were both in shit....(not litterally, but...well...you know what I mean) It's a long story...but the way I got out of it was because of music and my hobbies..I draw, and I listen to rock and roll...when I'm feeling liek shit i always jsut listen to music and draw things.....I think that you just haven't found something that you REALLY love with a PASSION. If you have found it, get into it more...because that's the only thing that you will find comfort in..... I really hope that you will be alright. Write back and let me know what's happening.
just remember this the past no longer exists, the future is unwritten, all you have is the here & now..this momment which soon will be past, so make this momment the best momment you can, & the next momment just a little better & as the future becomes the here and now, momment by momment life will improve..when your in the here & now the past cases to be relevant...this momment now isal you really have anyways isnt it? here & now is where/when you are, so why wate it living in a there & then that no longer exists?
you wouldn't feel this way if you began living in the present. try to focus on what you have NOW and what you're doing NOW. delving excessively into the past or future is psychological imprisonment. it's actually insane. you could try to do some "now" type of exercises to get you started. some meditation. a therapist. yoga. there's lots of options. the reason people like to skydive and rock climb is because of the thrill; and you know why it's a thrill? because in any "thrilling" moment there IS no past or future! you're completely in the present and it is ALIVE WITH FEELING. always.
music_lover: i guess i shouldve gave credit to my hard passion for art and music in the 1st place. i LOVE to draw and write and learn/listen to all kinds of music (from jay z to billy joel) and your so right, it does bring peace to where my actual moments are happy, like today, when i just listened to music and designed my page. but i guess, to explain it better, i have this ambivalent feeling that theres something else i should be doing. like even though im just 17, i feel like a lazy ass being home chilling for 3 days at a time (even though i have to watch my brother and sis (9,5) and that im talking to about 7 managers at once to place me somewhere). and even though im planning, im anxious to actually DO it yesterday - i kinda feel like i could be working today when i know damn well i cant start until next week...shit like that. soaringeagle, purple gel: ive had to recite that 'live for now' saying and its totally true, but i cant seem to apply it in a tangible way for my issue. you see, i believe that the past REALLY defines me, in alot of ways and almost as much as my future does. i feel like, "okay, im a composite of my beliefs and everything ive done (ususally, what i havent done) defines me forever cause the past is, like you guys said, the one thing i cant change." so instead of even acknowledging or being aware of the good things i do for my self-benifit and for the people around me, i consentrate on "fuck, july i shouldve took that job at so-in-so and i couldve paid for my drivers ed classes and could now be able to pick up my sibs afterschool instead of my parent having to do it"...in my head it goes like that. and now im at the point where my energy is focused on planing and pressuring myself to squezze in all the stuff i feel ive failed at.
sounds like your ego wanting to feed its craving for "separateness." but ego dissolves in present moments.
Serious, print out a copy of this tread, save it for 10 years then read it. If you think your stuck now, read it over 10 years from now and you may find yourself screming to go back to today. I am living each day in part in the past. I even still have this pathetic small circle of thirty-something friends and somehow, every time we see one another, it is a repeat of 'remember that time when?" and twisted as it is our burnt brains seem over the years all tell the same stories over and over during that time frame. The occasional person may realize that we had just told this same 'story' a short week ago, yet the memory of it. The story most likely has been repeted hundred times over, during the duration. Break the cycle early or it just gets more and more difficult to do. Peace
