"I can't come into work today because..."

Well boss, Born 25 years too late showed up with all those goodies, mights as well call in slick err sick for the next two dang weeks.....

 

Im retarded for today..............oops I mean I'm retired for today

 

I can't get cell phone reception out here at farmout's. I'm not on verizon.

 

I'm gonna stay home today because someone called me el muerte.....;-)

 

(falls over laughing) that WAS messed up.

I have to brush and floss my cat, and I have a leopard.

 

Farmout and Born25YearsTooLate talked me into staying at the cabin for another week.

 

the half dozen stoned drunk girls I brought to the cabin are holding me hostage.....no...really!

 

I'm heading south to north Texas.....to free those girls

 

I'd rather just join em man

 

because its rainin cats an dogs.........and I'm allergic

 

of a hang gliding accident.

 

gotta extract olderwaterbrother from the tree and take him to get checked out.

 

Tried to warn you guys after that second keg, don't go up in that dang hang glider,
now I gotta miss more work tryin to help born25yearstoolate extricate OWB from the pine tree, needles everywhere....

 

I told those fucks down at the office a thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!

 

because today is the first day of the rest of my life.....and I'ma going to celebrate it

 

I'm tangled in the remains of a hang glider..

 

I drew a picture of muhammad.

 

because Im busy building a time machine

 

hey bbad, when you get finished, I need dropped off two years ago.

 

^LOL I'm aiming for 32 years ago myself


because today Im pretending to be in australia....and well you remember