"I can't come into work today because..."

Holy crap......my house it surrounded by cops.....I heard them earlier,but I thought they after that old fart next door

 

a dingo ate my baby

 

Got to stay home between 9am and 9pm......got an appointment with the Ghostbusters

 

The pizza just came.

 

Jerry Springer marathon......cant miss that

 

I'm going fishin'

 

Me and my girlfriend broke up and I'm not done polishing my gun collection and getting drunk yet.

 

I gotta go talk a Texan into not going postal over his girlfriend leaving

 

I just figured out that it's costing me more to work for you than you've paying me!

 

i shot my boss and now i am in jail

 

I'm the Boss and I go to work when I want to go to work if I want to work

 

because i quit last week. i just forgot to tell you.

 

Sir I regret to inform you that I am going to be inhibited from coming into work for you anymore. It seems that scientists have discovered an advanced civilization of sea monkies in the deep Atlantic ocean. Due to past expertise an' a keen sense of sea monkiness, I have been elected to go as an ambassador for the USA to speak with these beings.

 

I'm gonna stay home today and enjoy some downhome Bass Thumping from the heart

 

Its not quite the right time yet.

 

I shot the Sheriff but I did not shoot the Deputy!

 

Pressed Rat is hiding in my bushes.

 

I was listening to some real good music last night and became convinced I didn't need to go to work.......Because I have a Satisfied Mind

 

Hey boss, I'm getting over my girlfriend by shagging your wife. Don't come home for at least 12 more hours.

 

Gonna stay home and hide in the closet.....I think someones shaggin' my wife