"I can't come into work today because..."

i had garlic for tea last night

 

I'm pretending the world outside doesn't exisst.

 

I'm busy having sex with my gf.

 

I left my mind in a brown paper bag, within....

 

the house is flooded

 

I got the mange in my beard...

 

i've lost all feeling in my limbs

 

time has stopped

 

my testies have doubled in size....

 

I went diving.

 

im in jail

 

I have to watch the Dow. :toetap05:

 

because I have exploding diarrhea

 

Someone messed up my mailbox and when I reached in to get my mail, I got my arm stuck.

 

I have a dandelion growing from my ear.

 

Tarzan won't let me!

 

I'm laundering my lucky underwear.

 

beacause i dont want to!

dont think that has been used yet. muahahahahaha.

 

Because I'm looking for a a waist length, red haired curvy nymphomanical girl in a panel skirt who thinks tall thick guys with beards and body fur are hot, and then I won't be into work for a long long time........

 

my eyes are really itchy