"I can't come into work today because..."

i busted a move

 

a wet fart gave dramatic consequences.

 

Im out of coffee,......cant work without coffee

 

I'm going to lay around the shack, till the mail train comes back, rolling in my sweet baby's arms!

 

Went feeeeshin, fell in water, all wet, gonna stay home and dry out.. Yea, right...

 

its a secret

 

because I'm a softhearted bastard and I'm doctoring a stray kitten.

 

The Golden Girls are in my Braiiiiiiinnnnnnn!!!!!!!

 

im trying to decide which jackass is gonna get my vote

 

it's a sunday

 

im lazy

 

my car was telaported to the moon

 

i've been flooded

 

It too nice a fall day to work....plus its a holiday for me today

 

i've grown an unattachable beard overnight

 

its Indian summer here in WV man......

 

i sneezed and broke m'nose

 

im doing your wife

 

im impaled

 

Im impaired