"I can't come into work today because..."

i missed the bus...and the next bus...and the

 

my hair went on fire

 

Im ripping out a kidney stone

 

I need to rest up for the upcoming weekend...

 

Its too cold

 

True story: I sent this leter to my Employer.


Dear XYZ (My Employer),

You had called and asked, " if I could work for two weeks, every day, starting September 29 until October 10, 2008, from 12:00-08:00 PM."

I said, " My bussy schedule allowed me to work only Thursday and Friday, Oct. 2 and Oct. 3, 2008."

XYZ, I deeply regret to inform you that I won't be able to do so. The Law Enforcement harassment has caused me a pounding headache and severe Right Upper Quadrant Abdominal pain.

A Chinese physician trained in Alternative Eastern Medicine has suggested I use Asian rain forest leeches and minimaly invasive localized acupuncture 2 mm. above the Left Temporo-Mandibular joint.

Although I still am a passionate admire of ancient Chinese wisdom,this time, I choose to remain dubious.

Therefore, I went for a second opinion.

And, Dr. Feelgood, a world reknown physician and Professor Emeritus at Cornell Medical University, has prescribed me two days of rest and leisure walk in N.Y. Central Park in a company of a 2007 Arizona Playmate of the year.

Please, do not be alarmed and there is no need for flowers, cards or 'Get Well Soon!' balloons made out of expensive latex gloves. The hospital is already running low on funds. Rest asure I will get over this whatever it may be. My ardent desire to be in the outdoors and the vision of autumn leaves changing colors followed by copious amount of fresh air will make me feel just fine.

I am very sorry for any inconveniance this may have caused to you and the rest of the staff. However, always feel free to contact me and never hesitate to offer me any future assignments.

I look forward to hear from you.

With utmost respect,


Signature
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My Name

 

i've forgot where work is

 

I need to sleep for 24 hours, doctors orders...

 

Because the cats are following me, dude.

 

I have a real sore neck

 

i'm stuck in a spider's web

 

I'm not coming in to work today because I was up all night with your mom; she's is in the kitchen fixing me breakfast right now and she wants to take me shopping later today.

 

I don't do Friday's any longer....

 

I have to organize my offshore accounts

 

BBAD's workin on my truck...

 

I'm having a problem with spontaneous human combustion.

 

my false teeth were stolen....

 

Im voting

 

my ass hurts from sitting around all day

 

I have a rather busy day planned...