"I can't come into work today because..."

Im free...I've got no strings
To hold me down
To make me fret, or make me frown
I had strings
But now I'm free
There are no strings on me

 

A three foot wart grew on my butt and I can't sit down.

 

a friend called for help.....and its gonna take all day to file down that wart

 

I just had my wart filed down and now I'm really raw.

 

I have to rub someones raw ass

 

I'm afraid. I'm very afraid.

 

I see dead people

 

I see alive people!

 

I'm more afraid of so-called alive people than dead people.

 

I see dead people pretending to be live people pretending to be dead people.

 

I found out that I am actually, metaphysically speaking, already dead and rotting.

 

Im tied........................to the whipping post

 

I drank my slurpee too fast and now I have brain freeze!

 

I have been drinking a new diet drink and disappeared.

 

im too high

 

im lost

 

i glued my ass to the chair.

 

because I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain....

 

i cant go outside.

 

I was abducted by aliens and Im still sore as hell