"I can't come into work today because..."

I'm staying home because everyday things are getting closer rolling faster than a rollercoaster

 

I have to "weed" my garden.

 

I have distract OWB before he sees that I already weeded out his garden

 

i have bed sores

 

I have to answer all my fan mail

 

cause harry potter told me i was off today.

 

Im waiting for an important call from my psychiatrist...do you see it? do you see it? do you see it?

 

I jumped on the band wagon.

 

I was jumping on the bed...I fell down and conked my head..my momma called the doctor .....and the doctor said ........"no more monkeys jumping on the bed!!!"..............oh ......and then he said to not go to work today ...so I didn't

 

I fell off the wagon.

 

Old man O'malley lost his marbles.

 

My cars broke.......I need to outsource a new FluxCapacitor

 

Timmy's trapped in the well

 

Time travel gets me so confused, I thought today was tomorrow but it's really yesterday.

 

because olderwaterbrother went and started some crazy thread again!!!

 

I stand accused and have to defend myself!

 

because I have some sleeping that needs to get sleeeped

 

Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire.

 

today I want work to come to ME

 

I've taken a flying leap.