"I can't come into work today because..."

because i ate fat free chips and now have anal leakage.

 

because my car has one of them yellow boot thingies on the tire and $9542 worth of parking tickets

 

my cat died

 

My car broke a fan belt.....................think there may have been a cat under the hood when I started it

 

I only had a dollar to live on till next monday but I spent it all on something for my mind,

 

I am the new king of Pride Rock

 

someone stole all my clothing.............and you do not want to see me naked

 

I fell down a well

 

I'm busy trying to think up something to post on the "I can't come into work today because..." thread at hipforums.

 

My quickie turned out to last a lot longer

 

^Im next

 

The sky is falling!

 

My mom died...............................................................................................again

 

I started on the longest monkey bars in the world, I dont know when im going to be able to get off.....

 

The train don't run by here no more.

 

Because im happy hippie.

 

I'm on a wilderness adventure in Alaska, (in the background you can hear) hey! Turn up the damn jukebox.....

 

I lost a tooth.

 

im busy diggin a tunnel to the house across the street for no reason at all

 

I've been a very baaaad boy!