"I can't come into work today because..."

because the Russians are coming....the Russians are coming!!!!

 

My horsie needs shod, my arse hurts from ridin the dang thang, got roids goin on, ya need more excuses?......

 

Im dogsitting...and the damn thing is under my feet 24/7 and wont let me leave

 

I gotta help BBAD find the dang dog he lost in the park whilst he was flirtin up these purty girlies....

 

I have a strange dog licking my toes, and I'm resisting the urge to kick it.

 

I'm just a buzzing with the bees.

 

wait, don't kick, that just might be BBAD's dog he was sittin with.....
gotta go fetch fido....

 

I'm sitting in a tree waiting for farmout to get the drool machine, then I'm going to go find OWB and see if those bees have any honey...let me see, I need a steel can, some leaves, and a match....gotta make a smokepot.

 

can go to work...someone stirred up some bees and I got an allergic reaction

 

bbad, you're not supposed to climb into the hive WITH them. another ambulance ride...you know, farmout, I think the ems crew's gonna get sick of seeing us.

 

I am coming into work, just kidding. No really I am, just kidding, just kidding, just kidding.

*hang up*

 

Im teaching EGGS to hunt wild game...

 

I'm watching orison and laughing

 

I'm too busy answering hip PMs....because Ive got thousands,...Im just so popular I cant even Imagine

 

Im trying to figure out who took my pants.. I could still come in naked if yould like..

 

Im chasing some skanky ho down the street...shes got my friends new pants

 

I'm about to rob some skanky ho for the new pants she's running around with.

 

got stuck in a chocolate puddin wrastlin contest....

 

stepped in monkey shit and it still stinks

 

I can't take the risk that the aliens will abduct me again.