"I can't come into work today because..."

I was siphoning gas out of a winnebago......and I swallowed a bit.....from the wrong tank

 

I'm taking Bbad to get his stomach pumped, and then planting a 50 pound bag of pot seeds

 

Im heading to Texas to see what all the hype is about this pot everyone talks about

 

cause i'm laughing so hard at that fat fucking baby smokin a joint. too damn funny

 

Im having a hot tub party...care to join

 

I'm playing hide and seek with Born25YearsTooLate.

 

I'm looking for OWB

 

All last night I dreamt that I was working and now I'm too tired to come in.

 

Im winning a gold medal in my wade pool..

 

I'm going to stay home and watch the Olympics...................................not

 

I'm mourning the state of the Olympics...synchronized diving.

What next? Pogs? Now Olympic pole dancing, I'd watch.

 

I'm hitchhiking to Vegas to see if I can stave off foreclosure on my house by winning the house payment because you don't pay me enough!

 

because its the end of the world as we know it..........its the end of the world as we know it...and I feel fine

 

I'm practicing with my spear, so I'll be ready when our current infrastructure crashes and burns.

 

I can't come to work today, because the economy is so horrible i have to job to go to.

not very funny, but accurate.

 

I was on my way to work and I.............crashed and burned

 

I'm practicing roasting marshmallows, so I'll be ready when our current infrastructure crashes and burns.

 

I can't come to work today because your wife and I are going to get stoned and laid....

 

I'm making a net.

 

Im making a potato gun......only its going to shoot golf balls instead