"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

I have better things to do.

 

i'm just plain tired man.

 

my oven is hot....very hot!

 

I cant come in today because the government has me locked up and plan on torturing me.

 

i can't come to work today because you see there was this tornado sweeping me off to oz and y'know what? this place is trippy and i wanna stay!

 

My grandma died......... again
I'm locked in my house
Scandanavien whores are holding me captive
My door broke
Aliens probed me and my ass hurts so much I can't get up

Or you could always just use the ultimate:
My dead alien grandma's scandanavien whores broke my door, are holding me captive, and probing my ass until I die............ again

 

*after injesting an 8th of mushrooms, during my peak i called work* i cant come into work today because...because.......*starts laughing and hangs up phone*


i never went back...true story

 

cause my doctor said to have another week off..

 

my toe has a nail

 

I cant come in because this guy my brother knows is supposed to be calling his cousin who can hook us up with really cheap ribbed condoms and if I leave now I will totally miss this opportunity to interface with real players on the condom circuit.

 

super glued my eyes closed...

 

I cant come into work because I have fleas.

 

got my period

 

abducted by aliens

 

want a colonoscopy attended today instead..

 

i'm still halucinating from what i took last night

 

my asshole is sucking buttermilk

 

i don't feel like it.

 

I got an audition for a fetish porn flick. I need to go and let a woman stomp on my penis with stilletto heels.

 

l gotta go shopping right now for stilletto heels...