"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

The mood I'm in, I really don't think you want me at work today.

 

I'm naked, covered in woad, carrying a spear and looking for romans.

 

Because I know some fish that need to be caught

 

gone feeshin with BBAD.....

 

Because I gots me a bit of a hangsover

 

I can't come in because of the Jesus.

 

I ate my legs...

 

I need more time to fix my "looks"

 

BBAD scared me so much with a picture that I have gone blind and shat my pants..

 

I've used the Mental Health Day excuse a few times. I always get seriously fucked up on those days. Ha ha. It's my day to be selfish and possibly kill myself in the process of it. It usually follows a real messy break-up or something tragic that happened and I need to numb myself from it to sort things out, so my pain isn't screaming in my ears. Mental Health Days are like mother's milk to me.

 

I've been running with scissors.

 

...because I had sex for eight hours last night and I cannot fucking walk.

 

Some cannibals have me in a giant pot.

 

...because I'm babysitting crummyrummy so he'll stop sodomizing the statue of Larry Flint.

 

Leukemia of the soul.

 

Novocaine for the soul

 

It's national call in to work, sick day.

 

Because I am just so over this "work" thing.

 

Because I am feeling classy today and I want to dress up like Betty Paige.

 

I gotta keep it on the DL